Wet Little Lies

Apple Bloom has a secret.

So secret, I can't tell you in this description.

Yeah...not my best excuse

(neither is this story...)

Applejack will try to convince her to tell the truth to her friends.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 7 )

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dream1990

dream1990 #1 · Nov 26th, 2013 · 1 · ·

if this the only chapter then why dose it say it is incomplete

SuperPinkBrony12

SuperPinkBrony12 #2 · Nov 26th, 2013 · 1 · 1 ·

Rushed, poor grammar, no explanation, the secret is given away as if it were nothing, I could go on and on. Long story short I'm afraid that this fic is:

Sparkle Dust

Sparkle Dust #3 · Nov 26th, 2013 · · ·

3542466 Oh, sorry. Thanks for pointing that out!

dream1990

dream1990 #4 · Nov 26th, 2013 · · ·

3542501 that ok and your welcome

Brutal Heart

Brutal Heart #5 · Nov 28th, 2013 · · ·

... This is 6th grade reading material, if even that.

It's rushed, and the characters resolve things too easily & predictably. Then it just ends abruptly as well. My advice would be to extend on certain parts. Like AJ going to tell Big Mac to get the keys, and then what Applebloom is doing/thinking in the meantime. Then, you have the problem of "everything went better than expected." That's a bit... Boring. Add some twists! Sweetie and Scoots are children, after all; they're bound to not take it in a mature manner. Hell, they aren't really expected to. Then maybe with one other character apologizing, saying that they wet the bed too or something. You could continue to the next day, when the bed is wet and Rarity is ABSOLUTELY LIVID.
So many possibilities, so many things to improve. I really don't mean to come off as sounding condescending; I'm just trying to offer some criticism to help you improve.