Shy, a messenger in the revolution against the Gryphon Occupation, delivers a letter across the war stricken city.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 27th Oct, 2012
- offline last seen Dec 2nd, 2018
The Lunar Samurai
If you are enjoying my stories, I thank you. Nothing means quite as much to me as someone really appreciating what I put out into the world. So, from the bottom of my heart... Thank You.
The Lunar Samurai
Joined 27th Oct, 2012 ·
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Why do you tease me with these oneshots Lunar Samurai!!
Yea, this was more or less a trial run for doing combat.
Auramane helped me, he's so frikin awesome.
3418930
One of them might just spur a novel, you never know.
Okay, this was pretty good actually, in termes of style. However, I'm bothered by the lack of moral sense, or message, or reason for the story to exist in the first place, but not only:
This makes sense.
But also, it can be seen as a critic or just a "shoutout" (I've got no better term there) to the idea of rebellion and resistance.
Given that ponies seem to be more "medieval" like, and griffons are not described, and that you yourself make most of the fight go with spears and knifes, the only reason I can see for that mortar is a reference to the middle east conflit of Israel/Palestin.
Which is funny because I was unable to find out if the ponies were supposed to be one or the other.
This is where a little humanity could have been put into that pony. But to the very end you decided to make her a "robotic" warrior. I get that you wanted her to be the product of a war and describe the effects of war through her, but acknowledging, at least, the fact that she should have had a reaction by normal standards (but hadn't had that normal reaction) would help the reader identify with the character and her fate.
I like this name. And it seems to confirm my idea that you wanted to show how much a war can transform someone into a soulless warrior. It not only creates a contrast with her action, but it also is coherent with her mission, which is to stay unnoticed from others (which is a trait of shy people).
I just now understood what you meant there. If I understood correctly... You meant that she should stay unnoticed when killing him, right? Anyway, that was pretty hard to decipher for me (maybe way more obvious for the others, I don't know...).
Very good introduction.
***
To sum up my comment, the story is well written, it is pretty easy to follow, but it lacks a "meaning" in my eyes, in that I don't feel enriched by having read it, the character is too far from a human being for me to identify with her. And those two elements make it a "bad" story in my eyes (I've seen way worse, clearly, I can't even say it's really "bad", but I just didn't enjoy it.)
3419777
The character is equestrian. Aside from my lousy joke, thank you for your review. I understand that it didn't really capture you the way it could have.
3420802
Sorry I couldn't be more enthousiastic. Even more because your writing style is clearly good.