Twilight Sparkle is now a princess, and she has acclimated into her position well. This year, she will experience her first Nightmare Night as a princess, but being a princess means sacrificing free time for hard work.
But tonight is not her best night. On this Nightmare Night, the night where nightmares come true, the past will come back to haunt her.
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This story was originally written to be for the EqD Nightmare Night contest/competition thing. As you can tell, I have missed the date. But I promised that I would release it, and so I am.
Title is thanks to the Great and Powerful ToixStory. The fantastic picture is thanks to this guy and the picture can also be found here.
Wait, TimeLord wrote a fic? Well fucking damn, time to read!
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Eh, she probably just dozed off and started dreaming. I've had a few that went the same way, where one moment I'm reading in bed and the next thing I know my hometown is in ruins and there are Lovecraftian horrors everywhere.
Chrysalis, and possibly the Changelings as a whole, could be a combination of memories and a dream-manifestation of Twilight's stress over trying to adapt to her newfound position; they may be a representation of all the responsibilities that she will have to tackle in the near future. And not all nightmares necessarily end with the dreamer waking up immediately, as I recall one where I'd been stabbed in the stomach and everything simply went dark. At the time, I was utterly convinced that I had actually died.
Repetitive. Might wanna find more ways to describe what you mean than using the same word repetitively.
Twilight here uses the vocabulary of a seven-year-old. She would be more likely to say something like, "I know, Spike, but I need to finish my studies. If I'm going to be a princess, then I need to know everything there is to know about governing a country." Those are only my words, though, you do better to come up with your own.
I also can't help but frown at the implication that Twilight was preventing Spike from participating in the holiday. Additionally, it was strange that she thought letting him go out by himself was a big leap in his level of responsibility when it's been clearly stated in canon that Spike goes on business trips to Canterlot.
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Urg, the repetitive lights thing completely passed me by. I suppose that Nighmare Night this year was just really bright. It happens sometimes.
And on the vocabulary thing, I am not really sure what to say on it. I wrote it specifically to not be like that. Truth be told, I could have done a little better (she does sound a little less "smart," as it were), but it is usually difficult for me to find the balance, you know? She can either be down-to-earth with her speech, resembling the common talk of the town, or she is far smarter than everyone else, using higher lever vocabulary and such. I tread on the common talk side simply because it is similar to how I work. I have an extensive vocabulary, but I am very much more inclined to use more common speech simply for those around me.
But I digress. Maybe some work on that will be needed in the future (this was actually my first time writing Twilight, so there will be kinks that need to be worked out).
I find it interesting that he can take business trips to Canterlot, but Twilight didn't even fully trust him to take care of a library filled with animals. There seems to be a dichotomy between our two views on this matter. Of course, it seems a little silly in retrospect, but based on the differences shown in the show between trust and responsibility, I can't help but want to exploit that.
But another thing is that she was needing him to help her with her studies anyway. Him being around to go and fetch certain books (though I didn't really make the studying any more than a thing that she was doing instead of an actual assignment) for her. There is also the fact that Spike never (as far as we are presented) goes without Twilight. Him not going with Twilight is a first for him, as far as we know.
Take what you will from my reasoning. Of course, I can't say that I don't have some problems with writing (I am still new to this) or can I say that the repetition at the start wasn't a mistake. But I just hope that, overall, the story was enjoyable. I can't please everyone, but I can sure try to please those I interested.
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Damn, I should have just ended it as, "And then she woke up." Works every time.
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Yes, I have done the impossible!
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore-
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door-
Only this, and nothing more."
3418440
There ya go!
3418440 one of my favourite poems by the old master of horror.
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i recognized the title as a quote from Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven" so i felt compelled to quote the first verse.
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He really set the standard, there is no doubt about that.
3418373 Let me say I'm glad you didn't. I was expecting that ending and you did not sink to that.
Why do I think of The Simpsons first Tree House of Horror when I hear this poem? I know they did an animation of it but I also say a community theater play too.
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I never would make a fic like that. Well, I would never end a fic like that. It is too cliché.
And interestingly enough, I have never watched that episode of The Simpsons.
3417912 my guess!
who knows? i read somewhere that if you dream then die in first pony you actually die in real life.
i wonder if that happens here...
i want an epilouge showing what happened
please
3419711
Well, if I write any more, it will be for an entire story. People have already raised concerns of wanting to continue with something more on this idea, and . . . I'm not necessarily against it. Though I don't see any plans on making a second chapter any time soon. Maybe after I finish the third chapter of my other story, I'll give it a go.
Ah! One of Edgar Allan Poe's greatest masterpieces in pony form! My day is complete
...while I ponder weak and weary.
I love this already.
3450562
You ain't read nothin' yet.
3450564 Oh I haven't, have I?
Hmmm. Short, fast, dark.
I actually know virtually nothing of poetry of any kind. I think I was made to study The Highwayman, by Alfred Noyes, but that's it. One would think I'd have a bit more pride in people like Banjo Patterson though, considering my heritage. Oh well.
For a first effort, you did pretty well. Practically flawless grammar (barring what reads to me as a single semicolon misuse) and solid mechanics. A fair bit of repetition sometimes (I saw the phrase "the entire town" multiple times), though what I noticed most was a tendency toward using passive voice and a few misplaced modifiers.
Not much wrong on the atmospheric side of things; you did build up an adequate amount of tension in the second scene and that cuckoo clock was a pretty cool touch. In the end, it did feel like it probably was a dream, since I can't imagine the changelings just knocking on the door and asking to be let in (that's how it seemed at first). There's also the mysterious absence of genuinely fear-struck screams that surely would have reached Twi's ears, if many of her friends had not also. Then again, perhaps you made the changelings smarter than how they appeared in canon. Being expelled from Canterlot would have been a pretty big learning curve for them.
So yeah, the passive voice thing, repetition and misused modifiers are gonna be my recommendations to keep an eye on for the future. Was a nice little read.
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Repetition was pretty bad in this, but I was also still a rather novice writer. I have gotten better with it over time, but this is an example of how I wrote back before I knew anything involving mechanics and the like.
The changelings knocking on the door was just me being inventive and somewhat original. I had no intention of sticking close to the poem in any way whatsoever, but then I decided to take a chance. I thought that the clock and them knocking on the door before bursting in fit. It also was funny, in a way. Kind like an old cartoon callback that I didn't even mean to do.
And yeah, when you are defeated once, you learn a thing or two. Since changelings are the epitome of stealth, they should have learned how to use it. And yeah, they did. XP
A theory of mine after reading this fic:
and the CMC at first before the Mane 6 got concerned and 
bucked down the door? Just a silly idea of mine.
What if someone (perhaps Chrysalis) had cast a spell on Twilight to make everypony she sees appear as a Changeling and distorted their words into changeling chitter and buzzes, and Celestia appear as Chrysalis giving a speech. Reading this, I feel like you were trying to make me feel this. The white flash at the end could be Celestia teleporting them to Canterlot, and the knocking on the door was
was this based on the raven by edgar allen poe?
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It was partially inspired by it, yes.
6856432
kool