If there is a fic I want to read, but it hasn't been written, then I make it happen. Simple as that.
The years had taken everything from him. His home, his friends, and his wife were gone, lost to the harsh nature of this new world of theirs. Shining Armor has seen nothing but death and decay over th past seven years, and had his fair share of blood.
He meets a young pony by the name of Applebloom. A filly just on the verge of adulthood. She has one request, to help her find her family...
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Noone is left, im really alone,
Burdened by sins, i cannot atone,
All others have left, either dead or just gone,
I wonder each day, with each passing dawn,
Why must it be me, who has to survive,
Why couldnt they be, the ones still alive,
But this young filly needs me, i must stand up tall,
Will i be able to rise, when i seem only to fall...
Shining was exhausted, and his motions was clumsy and dull.
...his motions were clumsy and dull...
“A-Applebloom...?” Her visitor spoke, her voice shaken with disbelief.
“A-Applebloom...?” her visitor spoke, (in a) voice shaken with disbelief.
**end Grammar Nazi function**
Overall, it's a good story. A lot of narratively superfluous descriptors, but that's a personal stylistic gripe. +like
3397397 Should be fixed now.
That's more of a rushed version of my writing style I suppose. Normally its a little more... consistent(?) than this. The problem was is that this was just far too big to contain in a one shot. In order for it to have the proper emotional impact I was aiming for, I'd need a lot more content, and a lot more time
is there more to this story?
The feels, their too much.......
meh.ro/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/meh.ro1975.jpg
3397901
I was getting that vibe. If you're aiming to make Shining Armor, as the tragic hero, more emotionally resonant, I would recommend:
(a) Add more first-person narrative/third-person semi-omniscient emotional association to events
(b) Have Shining actually realize that he saved Apple Bloom. He struggles to go on after the injury and complete a task he is now convinced is his last. Death is only welcomed upon completion. As it stands now, with the backstory, he kind of comes off as a bit of a boob who dies meaninglessly, fighting drunk. If you’re going for more of a Cormac McCarthy’s “The Road” tragedy vibe, that’s one thing (hero never sees his dreams realized), but the buildup has to be more in-depth.
I agree with your assertion that, as it is, the emotional investment at the end is a little lacking.
3411385 It all comes down to time. I was rushed to pump something out in two hours. I might actually reboot this in the future, and give it the pacing it needs.
I remember this story, one of the first fanfics I've read and it seems the authors dead, now that I have an account, it's time for a long awaited favorite and like, even if the author will never see it
I don't say this often, but I would adore seeing more of this.
I hope you don't mind, but I loved this fic so much I've adapted it for audio:
Hey, I wrote a review for this story! It can be found here.
Gotta echo 5319237 here, I'd love to see this expanded.
A moving story. Not so much dark, more depressing.
5964817 omg its you my favorite youtuber
6540896 yeah
This could use more expansion. It's too good to be short.
8684792
More to the point, it ends as if there is more.