• Member Since 12th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen Nov 28th, 2017

electreXcessive


I am an average everyday brony. I like to let my creative juices flow and create things. I'm always striving to improve, so I hope you enjoy my stories.

E
Source

Everypony's gone camping and it's Twilight's turn to tell a story. Apparently nobody wants a science lecture, so she tries her hoof at a scary story. A tale of foalhood, and a strange presence...

Author's Notes: A story I've been holding onto for a long time, but finally had a chance to release thanks to my good friend Flint Sparks.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 24 )

I know the title says otherwise, but I'm looking at the picture going both upstairs and downstairs

:rainbowderp: That was awesome! :twilightoops: It's scary, yet not scary in all the same way. :derpytongue2:

You know what is really scary about this story...

Half of the time Shining Armor is the big brother...

Half the time...

He is the little brother!

PARADOX!

3393006>>3392958
Fixed. Really sorry about that. Don't know how I missed it :/

3392874 Damn you Dunsparce, I can't unsee that now :twilightoops:

My reading of this story was unfortunately tainted by having heard a live reading of the story that inspired it. Unfortunately before it got to the real scary part, it turned out to be a trollpasta and cut to the "Everybody do the Dinosaur" video, which totally killed the mood of scary. I was half expecting something similar and failed to immerse myself fully into the atmosphere.

You made it sound like a real haunted story. Reminds me of when I used to watch the TV show The Haunted

I found this story funny.:twilightsmile:

this actually scared me :fluttercry:
god I'm a wimp :rainbowlaugh: :fluttercry:

Das a downstairs pic doe

3394187 Maybe... the camera is upstairs already!

i.qkme.me/3su2wh.jpg

Damn, can't find a good picture. Oh well, just remember Twilight, just because it's been stalking you for years doesn't mean that it's malevolent. FRIENDSHIP

There are a lot of details in Twilight's story that are very incongruous with what we know from canon. It almost sounds like you plagiarized this story, changed a few words, and added the bookends.


This actually scared me.
I'M NOT GONNA SLEEP!

3396761
I actually wrote the story last year for my senior project. That might be the reason for some of that. I assure that I did write this story though.

Ndoiefior Why
No, stop it
Really, stop
MY FREAKING BEDROOM IS ON THE SECOND FLOOR :raritydespair:

Sorry, but this fell really flat for me. Like, it didn't scare me at all, and didn't make me invested in it. because... I can't put a hoof on why... I'll think about it and get back to you. Like, it didn't give me a reason WHY I should be scared. Maybe it would be different if I was reading it by myself at night in the dark instead of sitting In a Taco Bell/pizza hut combo in broad daylight surrounded by people.
Also, the appearance of computers with printers and Pokemon was extremely jarring. If you're going to re use a school story, I'd suggest tweaking it a bit more.

Sorry to be an ass,
But this gets a down vote.

Pretty good! I noticed a few spelling mistakes and some things that needed rephrasing, but not too bad overall. :twilightsmile:

*thinks that the white thing in the bushes is Sweetie*
*Seeetie was in tent*
Twilight : HOW DID YOU
FOLLOW ME!?
Ghost: Yes...
Twilight: AHHHHHHHH

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Amusing, though if you recast this as being EQG, a lot of the story would make more sense.

Something similar like that happened to me in real life, but instead I was in the store with my mom and got separated for a bit, I was alone in one of the aisles when I heard my dad calling my name but he wasn't with us. He was out of state.

Of course I was a young child then so maybe I imagined it because I missed him.

I am reading this alone at night and I am legit terrified, the "white face out of the corner of your eye thing" agh

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