Page generated in 0.038 seconds
Total duration
920 users online
279,353 hits today, 2,439,861 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
fucking cliffhangers
loooooved it
damn this is a good story....really great job man
Honestly the writing isn't that great in and of itself. However, the way you handle story progression and the way you actually tell the story is top notch. Keep writing and you'll improve in no time. One thing you should really do is spend more time showing the reader what's going on rather then just telling. Honestly I'm fine with stories that don't show a lot of detail. But for the sake of becoming a better writer, you might want to try doing that. I look forward to your next chapter.
Slow the fuck down. Applebloom hates him and then likes him again within half of this chapter.
Also: Gary stu.
Happy Thanksgiving to you too. Although its not Thanksgiving where live yet. Great chapter, I can't wait for the next.
3466023
Actually, She doesn't hate him, She was mad at him for not giving her the rope, She still doesn't like him all that much.
3466509
That doesn't change much. You still wrote a complete sub-plot in half a chapter.
Most of the problems I see are the same ones I pointed out last time, the "show don't tell" stuff. The story itself is going well with character development but the pace in a few areas seemed a bit rushed. I'm loving the story so far, hope you're having fun with it.
Uprising that is the song that is going through my head right now and if the humans rise up and find their old technology and I see an American flag in background.
Hmmmmm... Interesting.
This is good. I saw this a while back but never got around to reading it.
3730567
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
I think you mean 'It was a good thing you performed CPR when you did or she might not of made it', note the word 'not'. Just a small missing word that has a Big impact on the meaning of that statement.
On a readers note
I am loving this story. Can't wait to dig into the next chapter when it comes out.
I'm also loving Matthew's personality, and this mist pony that 'might' be Luna has my interest peaked. Though, I know we didn't get much on him from the show, but Braeburn's inner thoughts sound kind of... Off? Like he has a grudge or something? I don't know maybe I'm over speculating this whole Braeburn thing, he is just a character with next to no background information.
Anyway I shall await the next chapter my good Phantom.
Edit: did I ramble to much on that readers note or is it just me over speculating again?
3763561
Thanks, I've fixed the mistake and I'm glad you enjoy this story.
love the story BUT I HATE FUCKING CLIFFHANGERS
Potential maybe-maybe-not-but-still-maybe spoilers:
He has wings, doesn't he?
coming her when. - here
Ouch. That’s a strange way of saying thank you.
You damn right. I don’t see the problem.
She was going to college?
Is she playing dumb?