Twitter: @DandyEcho, twitch: Twitch.tv/Dandyecho writing is slow, math is hard. Isn't this world great?
It takes determination, heart and dedication in order to ascend to Nighthawk Captain. Despite my love for my country, I see it crumbling before my very eyes, and the Princess simply can't make the decisions she needs to. I will not see my nation die. I'll do whatever it takes to ensure the survival of our race, of our nation.
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I just finished reading, and noticed the story is marked as 'Complete'. Is there going to be a sequel of sorts?
Also, you did pretty good. A couple grammar errors, but that happens to all of us. Liked and favorited.
>>Merchent343
You're close. This story is actually a prequel to my first fic, Legacy, which I finished a few weeks before this one. If you want to know what ultimately becomes of Nocturna, check it out.
PS, before you read Nocturna Eternal, know that this story has some major spoilers for Legacy. If you want to get the most out of these stories, read that one first.
I finally got around to fixing my typos, so hopefully this will read easier. Don't forget to vote for it on EQD's Bat Pony write off!
Well, I said I was going to read more of your stuff. So I have. I like this story. There is a good motivation for the protagonist to take charge of the country for the good of all. No "Blahahaa, I shall rule all the land and in the darkness bind them." Only wankers go Bla-ha-ha, anyway.
Now for the critiques. Your spelling is pretty good, although you keep misspelling the word forest "forrest". You need to remember to put spaces between paragraphs. You recalled to do this in the beginning of chapter four, for example, but then you didn't.
There are some glitches with some of the lines.
Chapter one: "I could only assume, hope, that we all looked as professional and intense as possible."
Perhaps removing the word assume would help this line?
Chapter two: The second sentence reads "Denied to funds the increase our ranks." Oof.
"Nopony else was around, it was just her and her thought." Only one thought?
Chapter three: (Towards the end of the chapter.) "I felt a tremendous gust force me off of peak." Off of THE peak, I think you mean.
Chapter four: "Step aside, Harvest. I will detain for interfering with royal duties." Detain who?
Chapter five: (In the beginning.) "What do you want." A question mark?
These are nit-picky details, but it's the little things that add up. As I said, I like this story. I hope these comments help.
Catch you later.
3654420
Don't know where I'b be without you bro. I have to say though, I don't think of this as my best work. I wrote it for EQD's bat pony write off, and I was still in ROTC while I was writing it, so I wasn't exactly taking time to craft a masterpiece. The restrictive word count didn't help either (it was limited to 10k).
3654456Happy to help. I bet it was hard with having the ROTC dividing your concentration. The 10k limit would aggravate me. Who needs that on their minds?
I can't concentrate on my writing if there's drama in my life. The fact that you were able to produce this with those two hassles is admirable.
...California
4204813
Not quite the imagery I was going for. Honestly surprised this story gets read at all.