Enigma Machine
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I love some Fun²! This is going to the top of my to read queue.
Princest?! Mah fetish.
This is beautifully hilarious!
Damn, this is a fine clop story.
Now why is this not featured?
Okay review time!
So overall this is a pretty decent story, clop is rather light (I like having heavy clop but that's just me). I appreciated most of the humor but I think the story length is what made the overall package gratifying.
There are two major issues (warning: nitpicks) I do have with this though.
1) Celestia refers to her cocks as guns - Okay, I get that you are making a war joke, but how would she know what guns are? No pony in Equestria has weapons like this (and if they did, why aren't they using them?).
2) Cows - Cows don't have dicks. Bulls have dicks. You imply that AJ rides cows but um...how?
This was probably one of the funniest lines in the entire fic.
As for the clop section, I felt it could have been described more. Try focusing on the feelings the two have, given this is the last time they'd ever be able to have an intimate experience with each other, I'd imagine the sex would be muuuuuch more passionate. Have them kissing deeply, and touching each other sensually. Have them rub their hooves through each others' wings, glide the sensation over their fur coats. Sex isn't just sticking in a dick and cumming, there's much more to it then that. Since they're doing each other, the realization of incest unlocks much greater erotic depths of the mind. They're not just fucking anyone, they're fucking someone they are related to. That's something that doesn't happen normally. Most people get a jolt of ecstatic glee when they first experience something more intimate for the first time. It's that first time sensation that helps drive their climax to the peak.
Now the double dicks. Normally, I'm not one for multicocks but if done right, you can make people really enjoy it. I felt like you were able to do that, as I wasn't instantly turned off by it (though I was a bit weary). Though I do wish you mentioned how the cocks felt for Luna, considering the girth of Celestia's tools shoved into such a small area, you would think that Luna would almost feel her sister's stallionhoods grind through her innerwalls, almost if she was using Luna as a tool for frottage.
That said, you did well enough that my imagination was able to fill in the gaps just fine. The concept was hot and I really enjoyed the growth Celestia was using to keep Luna on the edge.
Your story was good, and the humor suited it well. I tend to not read comedic stories because I find most of the jokes cringeworthy, but you managed to keep me reading to the end.
Keep writing!
3337501
Thanks for the feedback, really appreciate it!
I had three major issues when I wrote this. The first one is obviously being German. My writing speed isn't as good as I wish it is, and since I don't want to spend countless hours on one thing I had to limit myself.
The second one is that this is my first ever clop of any sort, bundled with the fact that I don't read a lot of clop. If I do, I mostly do it for the humor than the sex, so I couldn't really do a whole lot here. Though, that was my intention when I wrote it. I didn't exactly aim for it to be incredibly romantic.
The final and biggest problem, however, was didn't exactly know what I was doing. I literally wrote down what came to my mind the moment it struck me. For example, the double-futa thing was an idea I had while I was already writing, not something I planned out before.
What I'm trying to say, I didn't take this story seriously. At all. Mindlessly stuffing dicks into someone and bundling it with cheap humor was mostly what I intended to do. Sex was a tool here, not the story's idea (which was mostly humor). That's also the reason why I chose not to write a lot about emotions or stuff like that.
Still, I'm not entirely happy with what I created, in hindsight. I don't feel I should dig into a subject I barely have any interest in myself (clopfics), so I'll probably limit myself to the stuff I'm familiar with.
Thanks for the criticism again!
derpicdn.net/img/download/2013/9/2/416995.gif
*snrk* .. *snort* .. BAHAHAHAHA!!!
Okay, that was pretty good.
.....Celestia f******* dammit dude!!!! (said while laughing uproariously) Where do you come up with your material?!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahahahaha !!!!!
3344090
I feel like flat humor is the only writing element I'm good at, so that comes naturally. I still consider myself a terrible clop author otherwise, though.
I always wanted to die by Snu-Snu.
DEATH BY SNU SNU
This made me laugh. A lot.
That was really oddly written, but it was hot so whateves
This is insanity. I love it
3337294 Plus Futa? All of my yes.
Great story I loved it can't wait to see more from you.
. . .
Ah, wonderful world building, even if it was just about some annoying insects.
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m26nvnNG5o1qkk10ro1_500.jpg
3358603
iungedid
I did a reading of this on my YouTube. :3
3362692
Oh wow, that's awesome, thank you!
Mind sharing a link so I can put it in the A/N of the next chapter?
i feel...entertained
3348432 Great minds think alike.
The young pony-changeling hybrid can barely comprehended what he just heard. “… With six dicks?”
Died.
In the end of the war...With love of two ruler....
Changeling finally revive...But all pony in war still die?
So...young pony-changeling...do you know what dick made you born?
3365474
Roll a dice to find out which dick is was.
aaawww done already? i was hopping for a few more chapters to be made before i took to reading this one :/ ......
love the choices of cover images for this fic though , hmmmm no flame comments mentioning his name yet , i guess ppl here aren't as familiar with that artist's work as they are over on r34 lol......
not sure what I just read...but I was laughing like a mad man
3365757
Originally I wanted it to only have two chapters, "Prologue" and "Epilogue". It was never meant to be a huge story, and I myself am surprised it is at over 8000 words.
As for the cover images, I literally inserted "princest" in Derpibooru and grabbed the first things that I considered good enough. Originally some guy offered to draw a cover image, and he even started already, but because of the new restrictions tongue-kissing is no longer allowed.
3365987 waaaat kind of a shity restriction is that :c ?.....
I laugh.
And you stole my idea. My OC is a male pseudo zebra alicorn that is mortal and the size of Celestia with twin dicks. I have a picture as proof but I don't want to even link it here for fear of it betting removed or me banned due to the new restrictions...
3366773
I can most definitely tell you I didn't steal your idea. That last thing was literally written two whole months ago, and my editor and two helpers will tell you it's true.
Funny coincidence, that's all.
3366877 I know. I was joking meaning exactly what you said. The picture I was referring to is of my OC, not proof of you stealing my ideas.
3366890
That's what I get for failing to understand sarcasm at 4 AM...
I find it hilarious how the first thing I see when I pulled up this chapter was “What the FUCK?!” the changeling queen screamed at the sight that lay before her.
“Oh, uhm… Hi, Chrysalis,” Luna stuttered incoherently. “I, uh… There… there is a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why my twenty-four-inch horn is all the way up my sister’s vagina. And why my entire body is covered in white. We were… thinking about counter attacks.”
“Uhh, Chrysalis?” Luna asked.
“Wingboners,” Chrysalis bluntly replied without any hint of emotions.
Luna tried to understand, but failed and just blinked a few times. “What?”
THESE TWO LINES JUST MADE THIS THE FUNNIEST FREAKING CLOPFIC, NO WAIT THE FUNNIEST STORY I HAVE EVER FREAKING READ, great job on this chapter
this story deserves like 50000 like or something because it was fantastic :
hahahahahahahahahahaha, dude, that last line was priceless!!!! oh my god, i dont think I've laughed this hard in ages. hahaha. bravo man, bravo!
Not sure whether to call this the best or the weirdest clopfic I have ever read In my entire life
dangit , was hoping more for sexy time , there's not enough good stuff with chrysalis :/ ......
but yeah that was still pretty funny and great , well except for the mass amounts of death and stuff.....
3375087
No one died! Liquid love, remember?
3375112 ponies...
also you said chrysalis crushed one of her changeling's heads , now that's just cruel....
3375112 the ponies died
3348432
I know right?
>Looks like we didn’t thought the rules through enough when we made them
This has an error. Do you see it?
3456417
Your face has an error.
"Looks like we didn't think the rules through enough when we made them."
3456439 Ja
So the war ended up with three rulers falling in love with each other, having a massive double futa orgy, and birth of a hybrid? Best way to end a war!
3492147
You make it sound like there are other ways to end a war.