What is it with Religion? Rainbow Dash gets a Bible and decides to analyze it to the core to see how much there is about this subject. The result is clear.
Disclaimer: Trollfic
Chapters (4)
Enigma Machine
Joined 10th Nov, 2013 ·
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... My emotions are so conflicted about reading this. All I will say is congratulations for fucking up my head with this... Thing.
Prepare for religious flame war in 3...2...1...
Also I believe that anyone that calls himself Christian has duty to burn those good damned child molesters and scam artists in the Vatican alive, not protect them like they do right now. If you are not doing that and calling yourself Christian, you are fucking accomplice.(well if you are one of those protestant tingimajigies you are excused from Vatican, but there are plenty in your church too). If you dont go to church you are not really Cristian too, just some crazy person that prays to an invisible dude from a bullshit book. If you dont believe in going to church and bible, you are not really Cristian. You just believe in higher power, and there is noting wrong wit that, its as bad as not crossing a road after black cat walks over it, or not eating wile looking in a mirror. Bit unreasonable, but who cares?
You know, one doesn't have to be a "Young Earth Creationism Bible-Thumping Fundamentalist" to find this sort of thing tiresome. Even as an agnostic, I can't say I saw much "humor" or "comedic value" in this little screed; dissections of the Bible have been done far better, and far more humorously, than this. And frankly, this sort of thing has been done so many times before that it's nowhere near as "edgy" or "daring" as you probably like to think it is. (Kind of like how M. Night Shaymalan's "twist endings" no longer have any impact now that he's done it so many times that everyone sees it coming by the end of the first reel.) You want to be "edgy"? Try dissecting the Koran the same way -- that, at least, would be something different. (Though if done with the same ham-fisted style you've shown here, probably not any more interesting.)
Even if just considered on its own merits as a piece of MLP fan-fiction, it fails. Rainbow Dash isn't Rainbow Dash at all in this story; she's you. You've turned her into an avatar of yourself so that you can make fun of a religious text, when nowhere in the series has it ever been shown that RD is as viciously mean-spirited as you make her out to be, nor is she likely to go spend 20 bits on a book she knows she's going to hate just so she can complain to everyone about how much she hates it.
My advice to you is, if you really want to pick fights with people over the supposed failings of their religion, go find a discussion board devoted to religion and have at it. If you want to write an MLP:FIM fanfiction, throw this idea away and try writing something which uses the characters as themselves, rather than as mere mouthpieces for your sociopolitical opinions, and which has an actual plot behind it.
Of course, if you're one of those strange people who gets his jollies out of trolling for negative reactions, and collecting downvotes and outraged comments was your whole reason for posting this in the first place, then... carry on, I suppose. Seems pretty pathetic to measure your sense of self-esteem by how many people you can goad into hating you, but whatever floats your boat.
2731215 I'm Christian, but that doesn't mean I take part in this entire over-the-top bullshit. The distance between my religious opinions and agnosticism is just inches and I merely hold this title.
2731312 I already knew this comment would come, and it hits me as unprepared as I thought, because it is all true. Don't think that I'm here to troll people and just want to harvest hate. The whole reasoning behind writing this story was because I wanted to write a story, not because I actually wanted to express hate against religion. This isn't me in that story, but a hypothetical person to hate against religion. I don't want to pick fights or something like that, as my opinions are as neutral as it can get.
RD is a tool in this story, there's no doubt about that. I was actually unsure who to pick first, as it could've been anyone, even Celestia. The choice ultimately fell upon Dash purely because of that cover image. Nothing else. If I wanted to I could swap out the entire character by just replacing a few words, and that feels wrong.
Defending my case here feels undeserved, so I'll leave it at that. I know already what a second and third chapter would be like, so I may write them just for the heck of it, but then I will put closure on this thing and call it a day. As I've said, I merely wrote this for the sakes of writing, and the idea stuck with me ever since I watched that video I've linked to in the description.
Thanks for your feedback!
Oh hey, look. It's a spot-on impression of every single anti-religious Youtube vlogger ever.
This is why I stopped taking atheism seriously a long time ago.
Dude you can hide behind your "Its only a comedy" shield all you want (even though this isn't remotely funny) but this is a really offensive story. Its boring, predictable, completely pointless and not funny enough to get away with just insulting like 3 quarters of the globe that follow this faith.
2731507
Okay, I'll be fair and take you at your word, here.
That being the case, then the reason why this fails as a story (regardless of the subject matter) is... there's no story here. A story is what happens when you have a character who starts at one place, and ends at another place. The character starts off having a goal they need to achieve, or having a set of circumstances imposed on them that they need to overcome; and then, through the progression of the plot, they eventually end up achieving the goal and overcoming the obstacles. It can either be an epic quest, like reuniting the Elements of Harmony, or it can be something which is important to the character themselves even if others think it's fairly trivial (like Rainbow Dash going to ridiculous lengths to cover up the fact that she's reading a Daring Do book because she thinks everyone will think she's uncool for reading it) -- the important element is, something happens which changes your character in some way. Twilight Sparkle learns that there's more to life than books, and in opening herself up to the idea of having friends, becomes the key to defeating Nightmare Moon and restoring Celestia's sister Luna to her true self. Rainbow Dash realizes reading Daring Do books won't make her a nerd. Scootaloo learns to face her real fear, which is that RD will think less of her just because those scary campfire stories got to her -- and in facing that fear, learns that RD still thinks she's cool and she had nothing to be afraid of.
Or, to cite some fanfic examples on this site: Luna takes offense to Celestia's suggestion that her cooking skills are somewhat lacking, decides to show her sister up by making breakfast on her own, but being unfamiliar with the kitchen utensils of this modern age, wacky hijinks ensue. Twilight and Applejack wake up one morning after a night of cider drinking, discover they're both wearing wedding bands, and try to figure out what the hell happened and how to get the rings off. Scootaloo is determined to fly no matter what the cost, even though everyone around her believes she never will. Diamond Tiara is in a serious accident; when she comes out of her coma, she's lost her memory, and has to rebuild a new life for herself while trying to make amends for the unpleasant bully everyone remembers her as, but which she has no memory of herself. A human ends up in Equestria, and finds himself in the midst of a contest being waged by multiple draconequii to take over as the new Avatar of Chaos to replace Discord -- with hints that he may qualify as one of the contestents, even if he doesn't realize it.
Those are stories. What this is here, isn't really a story at all, because there's no indication that Rainbow Dash is about to learn anything, or that there's any obstacles for her to overcome, or even that anything of interest is going to happen to her. She's just going to sit here and read lines from a book and then snark about them. This is what's called a "Fisking" -- which can be entertaining if done well, but it belongs squarely in the category of "editorial" rather than "story." I'm actually rather surprised this passed moderation to begin with, since it seems to go directly against the posting guidelines prohibiting "MST3K style fics: for example, comments insterted in between the lines of a copy/pasted story."
If you really want to write a story: Pick a character, or a group of characters; set a goal for them to achieve, think of some obstacles for them to overcome along the way, decide whether you want it to be a serious story or a comedy (which changes the nature of the goals and obstacles), then go to town.
i actually liked it
2731864 Now that is the kind of heads up I needed! I'm not joking when I say I didn't know the exact definition of a story. Truth to be told, I thought anything that has characters in there doing stuff is automatically a story, but here we see how wrong one can be. :V
Well, I may come up with something better one day. Right now I don't see myself writing anything, as inspiration has never been a skill if mine. As said, I will probably make one or two more chapters and then call closure on this thing.
Thanks again for the feedback!
As one who honestly looks at the bible as nothing more than a children's book of Fairy Tales, i found RD's annalysis quite similar to mine.
I don't mind this too much, but I do agree with the others who say Rainbow Dash is OOC.
Also, in case you think so, I don't think the Bible actually meant that Earth was created 6000 years ago, or that we were created a few days after the creation of this planet.
I liked it and I support your freedom to keep going .
Just try to not Pick RANDOM parts of the Bible but a Whole story to complain about . IT's one thing to go Verse by verse but To complain about how a whole story is illogical is better :-)
On my Celestia, I loved this. According to my family, I am catholic, but stuff like this in the bible was what started turning me away. What sealed the deal was saying that same sex attracted people are not real people, but that priests were allowed to sexually abuse children. Wat. Even.
I love this. Especially that lat bit
Here's my problem (and I'm an atheist, myself!)
...
Hate speech for comedic purposes IS STILL HATE SPEECH.
End of story. Or would be if this was actually a story, and not just an excuse to rant.
I shall follow this just to read the comments. I keep my bible right next to my books on Greek/Roman, Norse, Indian, and other mythologies. Cool stories but written before science, and too limiting on the concept of god. People who believe in the Classic concept of god have no real understanding of just how friggen big and complex the universe is. Also that same Universe runs way too smoothly with too many nice mathematics to not have some sort of design in it's basic infrastructure.
I find it funny the way people react when their world view is threatened with logic. Just don't be too obscene in your deconstruction of Yahweh.
2747513 I'm... having a real hard time to understand whether this comment is positive, negative, or neutral towards me. I guess this is where my language capabilities have come to a halt... :V
I seriously laughed at that.
I've always wondered at that bit with the tree of knowledge. What kind of entity says, "you can eat anything in the garden... except that one. Don't eat it or you'll die." Then when somebody does finally eat it, he's all, "Gotcha! It really wasn't going to kill you but now you realize you're naked. Now get out!"
Granted I fully get the metaphors used in genesis for the creation, it's much like other creation myths. There has to be a fall from grace in order to explain why humans suffer and to provide a way for us to 'redeem' ourselves. Considering there are several tree of life similarities throughout the world's myths I do wonder if it's a reference to something from an older global civilization.
Ahhh, too bad, I was starting to enjoy... well part of this anyway. You were a little too antagonistic in this chapter I think. I would have liked to see you at least get up through the flood, or maybe even as far as Moses.
Granted, I don't see what any of this has to do with ponies... eh, whatever.
This needs more Invisible Pink Unicorn
2750999 Guess where that idea for pink Celestia came from.
2732112 Religious haters everywhere
Yeah, me too. My parents actually believe it, but I've actually never done more than contemplate that I remember.
2731672 According to friends, America is one of the only countries full of religion. I was born into a bucket of retards.
2836493 what the hell are you talking about? America is not the only country on the planet to be predominately Christian and what would it have to do with my comment anyway.
This isn't funny, and is slightly offensive. Also, what is RD posting this on?
Silly story, silly comments, silly internet. I believe everything is in order here! Thanks for the read.
I liked this...
2747513
Your profile picture suits your comment well
2933392
Lol, I didn't even think of the irony there. That guy from the Ancient Aliens series makes me laugh my ass off.
2836548
you said 3/4 of the world's religion is being dissed by this, that's where he gets it from. *hugz* God loves everyone remember? Me you and everyone/thing
2747513 In my mind, the best argument for a "god" is how complex the universe is which seems to be a valid point. I have no faith in the religious books as I believe too much harm has been caused by them.
3345638
I once pissed a guy off by telling him his god as well as his world view was, 'So very, very small.'
2731672
You also have to realize that he brings up valid points, when the Bible was written, at least the old testament, it was meant literally. This, coupled with the inconsistencies brings up several issues with the core foundations of all Branches of Christianity. However, that does not stop me from believing in a god figure, I just believe that we have no way to grasp it so we throw our own prejudices and hypocrisies on god and say that is how it wants us to be.
;/end rant/
I'm a Christian, but...
I guess I'm okay with this? To each their own. Whatever floats your boat.
You know... all that jazz...
100 points for Gryffindor!
2731672
Hello.
First of all, I found this story amusing. Not my style of comedy, but it was amusing.
Secondly, you are speaking for a lot of people here, some of who are bound to disagree with you.
Finally, there are approximately 2.1 billion Christians on the earth. That is not 3/4 of the globe. That is not even 2/4 of the globe. That is just barely 1/4 of the globe.
I acknowledge your opinion, however I disagree. Thankyou.
This.
Is.
Awesome.
JuliensBlog found his way onto FimFiction. My life's complete now, I've seen everything.
4368651
Just for you looking on my page and commenting on this story I could hug you.
One of the most hilarious stories I ever read!
Speaking of Rainbow Dash though, I think she is very OOC here, (atleast I think, maybe if you read between all the lines maybe she might she's a magic pickle.
)
Anyway still damn hilariouos.
I was getting angry but then I remembered one thing, Christianity is a successful offshoot of a desert religions who main book was written by men, men who had a different worldview and thus is probably 40-90% incorrect in some places.
Then I got the humor.
Nice work, however remember Jesus existed (source: Josephus where much of knowledge of the jews of the time come from)
what's a kevin and how much does a ner cost?
Use the KJV as it is the most accurate (98%-99%)
lol, this is silly.
2927062
"Cut yer Wheesht", said Donald.
This was extremely funny.
I’m tended to believe the people who have actually seen the visions. And there are many today. On YouTube alone are many videos about Heaven and Hell testimonies. It would be wise to heed their warnings. Because someday you will find that there is a Heaven and Hell the easy or the hard way. You may scoff, but to that I say “laugh now, cry later”, also “you seriously don’t want to mock Jesus, for your own good”, etc. Watch Heaven and he’ll testimonies on YouTube and then tell yourself they’re lying.
I was laughing the whole time, this was stupid funny. You said you’re a Christian, but be careful not to actually mock God.
6406129
What I think should keep you a Christian is the hope of Heaven and warning of the fear of hell, and Jesus crucifixion. Type in “third day carry my cross” on YouTube and Watch the 5:17 video by Michael Json.
this is the best thing i have ever read