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Cover art: by Dipi11
I wanted to start a new life, away from all of my old problems. My job gives me enough trouble as it is. Even if I'm able to get away from my old problems, it seems that life has dealt me a few new ones. And these ones come in a bright pink package. She says that she wants to be my friend. She doesn't really know what that entails, now does she?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I'll give it a chance.
I'm usually pretty wary about dark Pinkie Pie stories,but I'll check it out since I like you as a writer.
I love it.
Also, please don't turn Jack into a goody-two-shoes within five chapters. Because that's how most of the stories like this end up.
A co-existance sort of story. I've never seen anything similar to the way you write here. Keep it up.
Seems good so far. I'm liking this, keep up the good work
Duuuude this is gonna be FRICKIN' AMAAAZIING!!!!
Wait, are we in the human world or the pony world? I'm guessing this is in a combined world seeing as how neither party is surprised by the other, which still begs the question on how this world functions and how each species live their lives having to deal with one another. Defiantly very intriguing.
Du Du Duuu!
Question: Is that Cloudkickers biological child or is Violet adopted?
3309743 Violet is a biological child.
He killed her didn't he? I think there is a reason the filly didn't let him in or something, maybe he was being stoopid and now the filly fears him, i dunno.
This is going on the list!
This is developing into something good.
And so the plot thickens, I'm putting down that it's either the obvious or some plot twist that will come out of nowhere. Let's see how this unfolds...
Why did 5 shells fall? A revolver doesn't eject them. If it was fired, there should still be six unless someone removed the spent round.
I'm thinking she's in hiding because she accedently shot him and is afraid of going to prison.
W.. wait.. Is this liek... some civilization of both ponies and humans? I am so confuzzed
The man seems awfully nonchalant for discovering a pony out of nowhere. This could be explained away by "he's a brony", but he didn't know who she was, indicating he's NOT a brony.
weird.
Very interesting... I like it so far.. the sentence structures are good... iI see no major problems grammar wise. I like the diolouge between Jack and Pinkie... Keep it up...
The story so far is 4 Derpys out of 5 Derpys.
PHEONIX WRIGHT MODE ENGAGE! NOW FROM THIS PART OF. THE STORY, THAT STALLION COULD BE THE KILLER AND WITH THE EVIDENCE SHOWN, SOMETHING HAD TO HAVE HAPPENED FOR VIOLET NOT TO TRUST HIM
I'm loving this story so much! its so interesting, and i love the dialog between Jack and Pinkie ^__^
i look forward to more of this story in the future
So far, everyone (two people) who I've tried this review formula with has liked it, so here you go I guess
Stats: (Current chapter as of review: 4)
Shallow face value-9/10
Just the fact that this story contains a 'Human' tag will definitely drive some people off, like the ones who consider HiE to be unholy garbage. What you do have going for you, however, is your popularity as a reviewer on other sites (Stay on topic...), and I assume this accounts for roughly 75% of your audience. Human fics are able to get a 10/10 in the 'Judging A Book By Its Cover' section if it has a particularly eye-catching description. If the remainder of your story is going to feature other cases as a co-plot to character interaction, then you might want to tweak the long description to reflect this.
Plot & feel-10/10
THANK YOU for not having any awkward introduction scene! Usually, anything that includes ponies and humans involves a hard-to-read many paragraphs consisting of mostly reactions shots and boring dialogue. The idea of a human/pony acquainted world provides a perfect solution to this problem, and makes everything easier to go along with.
Pacing-8/10
It would be nice if there were longer chapters and more content, but for some story types, a certain chapter length isn't right or wrong.
Headcanon-10/10
I didn't see anything that wasn't show-approved, so this makes your current headcanon absolutely flawless.
Spelling and Grammar-8/10
There are just a few errors, and I can change this rating to 10/10 if the story ends up grammatically perfect (not counting stylistic/intentional deviations from universal standards). Do you want to know where the typos are?
Total: 45/50 points
Rating: Highly Recommended
I can see your writing style (from your review scripts) echoed in your fanfiction work, and even the main character in this story seems almost autobiographical in regards to your personality and ideals. When you get around your six dozen or so other unrelated projects, it’d be nice to see some more work from you over here.
(+1 Like)
(+1 Favorite)
(+1 Watch)
Details for my rating process may be found here:
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/403171/template-for-story-reviews
Say WHAAAAAAAAT???