"The world is neither fair nor just, Miss Pie, it simply is. You may take it as a responsible adult or bemoan the point like a spoiled child."
Every day is full of decisions. Decisions on how to dress, how to act, which turns to take, and the list goes on. However, the decisions that have the most impact on our lives are scarcely obvious. For Pinkamena it was the simple choice of staying on the rock farm, for Cheese it was whether to escape the inevitable or embrace it. Cheese Sandwich chose to leave, and his life was forever changed for the better. Rory Scribe chose to stay, and that made all the difference.
Awesome cover art a commission by Demona Silverwing. Check her out on deviantart! Proof-reading graciously provided by Goldfinch142. Pre-reading for the first bit by SageBrony07, Templar Brony, and Sweet Basil.
It's weird to see Cheese like this. I guess we will see what life is like now for Pinkie in future chapters. I wonder how she is going to react if she meets the late secretary. Also what is Pinkie going to do when she has to tell somepony some awful news. That is just going to crush Pinkie.
Dark stuff
This is already off to a great start. I look forward to seeing more.
Although, I fear what may happen to Pinkie if she steps out of line, Che- I mean, "Rory" seems kinda scary. I, myself, would not want to get on his bad side either.
Once again, keep up the good work, I love it.
That escalated quickly.
*cracks knuckles* Bring on the rest. Show me what you've got.
maybe
credible
Ooh, I can just tell I'm going to like this.
Rory is scary! I wonder what else he will put Pinkie through.
Well whatever it is, you've started another masterpiece, and I await with baited breath.
Oh my goodness. I've never seen a CheesePie fic like this. This is extremely intriguing, and I'm really really excited about this fic, I wanna see where it goes! Hats off to ya, I'm tracking!
YES ITS FINALLY HERE! I LOVE YOU BROOKE YOU STORY TELLING GENIUS! *clears throat* I mean this good very good.
This story looks very interesting...I look forward to seeing where this goes.
Also, did Rory's dad break Rory's leg to keep him weak or something? It makes the most sense as to why he would have a deformed leg when he didn't as a colt or in the Main 'Verse. This is quite the take on an AU Cheese.
Oohhhhh, this is gonna be good!!!!
Quite an interesting alternate universe fic. Is this one of those worlds where ponies sometimes change their name at their cutecenera if they feel a new name fits better with their talent? I'm curious to see why Cheese Sandwich has a different name.
wow... just wow
I don't usually read dark fics, but you have me intrigued. This story seems to be almost dramatically different than WCMC. You never fail to impress though:) Let's see how the rest goes...
need a space between 'of' and 'Manehattan'
New paragraph means that 'both' needs to be capitalized.
Guess I missed those on my first run-through.
Anyway, an Oryx! That's the first time I've seen one in FIMFiction. Your breaking new ground.
'Jazelle'? I'm guessing that's a play on 'gazelle'
Anyway, Cheesepie has started, I repeat, Cheesepie has started!
5824399 Thanks for catching that. The second blurp was actually because of the import gdoc function on fimfiction. It likes to delete a paragraph/sentences randomly. I have no idea why . . .
Also, this has nothing to do with the story, but HOLY CELESTIA THAT SEASON 5 PREMIERE!
How exactly do you pronouce oryx? this is pretty cool if ponies and zebra can have societies and talk why cant other animals ya know? so good job on adding a species we rarely see on here.
lead
Oh mah goodness!! I loved this chapter. Rory's interactions with his father, secretary, and Pinkie were very interesting and telling to his personality. And there's even a new species! (Which I had to look up because I had never heard of a Oryx before
). I also loved all the different under the table deals going on in the background and even how Pinkie had to shop at a specific store because the company owned it! Though I have to wonder what it is that the Scribe company focuses on.
Awe, good boy, Rory, it's nice to see that you're taking care of your pony's. See, you don't always have to be a meanie pants, Oh wait. . . could you just be doing this to impress the President?
I really can't wait to see what you've got planned for the next chapter.
Oh, Happy Easter, by the way. (I'm doing this on every chapter I comment on today).
I'm glad Pinkie was able to get two creatures to smile. I hope things continue to take a turn for the better, but probably not. I wonder what is going to happen when Pinkie has to help with a dirty business call or something. Good luck.
Rory's coming around! I hope that Pinkie can keep her spirit up! Also, I love that drawing!!!!
5824658
I have no idea. I kind of go with "or-ox" or "or-ax" but I'm not the best at pronouncing words! I thought it'd be fun to switch things up. Went with an oryx because the females had horns and I really wanted Jazelle to have horns.
5824867 Glad you enjoyed it. What the company focuses on? Well now, Storm Scribe's got his hoof in just about every major industry in Manehattan. Though the control of the department store is due in large part to Starlight's influence as the fashion darling of Manehattan. Storm tends to focus more on building/construction and pharmaceutical research.
5826173 Oh, I have plans.
And happy Easter to you too!
5826556 So happy you liked it. And thank you. It's kind of embarrassing showing my drawings, but I'm glad you liked it.
I have a feeling, that maybe, somehow, Pinkie will help with his leg.
Oh, an you are an amazing writer!
right
One to many O's
Poor Cheese. He may need some comfort, but I don't think that will be happening anytime soon.
Ouch, that leg must hurt. But let's hope he doesn't accept that offer.
Lol
And, I'm liking Keynote more and more with every chapter
You're
Awwww Milo is being nice!
I hope Rory leaves the company soon and seeks medical help. But... it kinda seems like he has an idea of how to get back at the company. This could get interesting.
i love
Oh Rory you poor baby! i hope pinkie finally does him some good he really needs it.
Opium? Court cases? Rory's possible revenge?
Ooh, this is getting intense. And we're only three chapters in. That escalated quickly. I wonder when Starlight will show up?
Seriously, Rory. Go see a doctor.
Wow. That is intense. I hope Pinkie helps Rory eat more, but I don't think that will be happening. Great job and good luck with future chapters.
Awwwwwww! Poor Rory!
creepy voice Welcome!
while curtesy is a word, it's not the one you want here, courtesy is the one that works here.
Anyway, again, awesome chapter.
Holy crap, this chapter was so good! Fantastic job! I am gawking about Rory's childhood. Waaat tha ffffff-.
This is a literacy masterpiece, and I've never read anything like it!
This chapter was amazing! <3 AWL OF DA LIKES!
For him, an offer like Dufaux’s . . . it’s temping.
(Tempting)
Loving the back story. It'll be interesting to see Pinkie help Rory get over his problems, like eating in front of other ponies (or at all). I can't wait to see Rory get back at his awful parents. Lovely chapter; your writing has improved immensely since What Changes May Come. Good work!
I'm loving this. Rory, you need to eat more than that, Applejack would surely see to that.
Fascinating look into Rory's childhood. I'm curious: Why doesn't Rory just leave Manehatten? Go somewhere far enough away to escape Storm's influence?
5949439 Thanks. ^^ That question's one I'll be answering later. Needless to say, Storm's got it figured out.
That moment when you realize you can't upvote twice...
HOW DARE THEY TREAT PINKIE LIKE THAT!?!? BACK OFF!!!
I hate to be that chick, but...you done goofed, Cheese. You done goofed.
Why is this fic so damn gooood??
(Totally being sarcastic, there. This is probably my favorite fic I'm reading right now.
)
Wow! That was amazing! I'm so glad you updated, and I'm really enjoying this <3
I can't wait to see Pinkie's reaction when she comes to work, and her appearance. I was wondering if she'd look deflated or just choose to not mention it. I can't wait to find out!
Wow. It's weird to see how Cheese fits into this twisted family. Great job. Good luck with the next part.
Manehattan
Depending on what you're going for, either put a semicolon between the 'no leads' or remove one of them.
Father
Comma or period after 'Sorry'
Indent between this and the paragraph after it.
No comma after 'and'
Comma after 'Sunday'
No comma after 'and'
Remove the comma or move it to after 'stop'
Oops
Add 'that' between 'Prescott's' and 'had'
Replace the comma with a period.
treasurer
Also, I didn't mention it before, but you spelled Jazelle's name 'Jezelle' several times back in Chapter 2.
Very nice chapter. It was a pleasant surprise. It looks like things aren't going too well for Rory, though; now Pinkie and Jazelle are mad at him. And it looks like Starlight has some plans, along with Dufaux, via his new 'handle.'
Wait was pinkie almost assaulted!? Holy crap poor pinkie! And storm is a sadstic jerk as always.
Wow, quite a murderer we have here.
quiet down
Rory, pride is a vicious killer. Remember that. Pity you can't hear me.
I'm starting to get it: Rory is sticking around so he can destroy his father.
Poor Rory, such a horrible childhood.
I hope Pinkie Pie helps him, or some pony else, before...
(Great chapter BTW :) )
You might want to take the story off hiatus.
This got me right in the feels.
Oh, gosh. This chapter made me so angry at Rory's parents. Ooo I hope they get what's coming to them. Rory is so messed up because of them.