While helping Twilight with an invisibility spell, the spell misfires and hits Pinkie instead. Now, she decides to have a little fun at other ponies' expense.
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- Member Since 26th Dec, 2012
- offline last seen Feb 26th, 2020
CartsBeforeHorses
Put the cart before the horse, mix things up, and look at them in a different way.
CartsBeforeHorses
Joined 26th Dec, 2012 ·
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Man, I had something super similar planned. Haha! Guess I'll save it for later.
All my yes.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Not bad but outside of what she did to Rainbow Dash and the CMC Pinkie Pie was OOC with her pranks. What she did wasn't funny and she would never intentionally do something like that.
Well, that was amusing.
Aj...ok
Angel...bad
Rari... so close it hurt
Rd... gold that just got melted
Cmc... just no.
That wasn't even...
I was planing on smiles. Never made it there
3288142 Sorry you didn't like it.
Oh my gosh. This is the perfect Pinkie Pie scenario.
I'm actually wondering how the show writers never thought of this..hahaha
LOL.
I don't know why Angel still got grounded though, even if he deserved it in several episodes. Most misleading name for a pet ever.
How... did you take a premise like "Invisible Pinkie Pie" and make it... boring?
It was just like... here's a thing that happens! And another thing! And...
I mean, that video you put up was funny. You seem to know comic timing. I really don't want to sound like an asshole but I'm confused as to why none of that seems to be showing in prose form.
3289247 Um... well, in the video, a lot of my humor was based on sarcasm or irony. Also, it was based on mockery.
This story didn't have too much of that. Instead, it was mostly situational and slapstick humor. Most of my other comedy stories are dripping with sarcasm, such as Westboro in Equestria or Trixie on Trial. Hell, even Mary Poppins Pony Parody.
If you want to read a really good comedy by me, I'd recommend those stories over this one any day. This one, in my own opinion, isn't as funny. I still think this story is funny, but if you really like my sarcasm and parody rather than slapstick and situational humor, I'd read those other ones.
Thanks for giving this one a chance, though, and I'm sorry I let you down
The pacing of the story was off, it was all event and no space for reaction or wind up to establish context. The funny part of a prank is the reaction to the event, not the event itself. I know that there was supposed to be a footrace sort of thing, but Twilight (and others) had no way of knowing where she would be going or how to identify her if she wasn't actively doing something at the time. At that point, why not prank the pursuit? It'd be easier and probably more humorous. She could have defeated pursuit by doing nothing waiting until her pursuers decided she wasn't there after all and went off to the "next" location. Pinkie Pie, perhaps uniquely among the main characters, would exploit these advantages.
More importantly, I suspect that many of these pranks would be better suited to Rainbow Dash than Pinkie Pie. PInkie Pie was always most afraid of losing her friends, and so kept her pranks more lighthearted. Rainbow Dash oftentimes does things just to see if she can do them and get away with it. So that broke my suspension of disbelief.
I think that your background with sarcasm or irony could have helped a great deal here. Those kinds of humor is all about reacting to the situation, but reacting to the moment as it happens. This story needed a beat between the event and the punch line. Remember during the pranking episode the disappearing ink prank has Twilight write (event), turn around (pause), then turn back to discover the lack of notes and react while other ponies show the disappearing ink bottle and laugh (punch line). In the Nightmare Night episode Rainbow Dash sneaks up on ponies as she did previous (set up), be surprised by lightning herself (event), fly away in fear (pause), then camera pans to reveal Luna on her cloud (punch line).
I think that a little bit of reworking could make this story a great deal better.
3290739 Thank you for your in-depth feedback. I'll rework the story and keep your feedback in mind.
Seven? I counted the other five elements plus Spike. Is Angel helping them?
3307337 Uh, I can't do math.
we should send pinkie......TO THE MOON!
Can you do one about Spike and the magazines?
Nice work.
I have reviewed this HERE.