After Silver Spoon's father is killed when the Changelings invade Canterlot, Diamond Tiara tries to cheer up her girlfriend but only manages to enrage her and loses their relationship in the process.
Chapters (5)
- Member Since 2nd Jan, 2012
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
Diamond Sparkle
I am pleased I joined here and hope to rp on YM with someone.
Diamond Sparkle
Joined 2nd Jan, 2012 ·
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This somber read reminds us all of things that don't happen on camera on MLP. A tragic event like this, to Silver Spoon of all characters. I feel a sharp pain after reading this as DT's relationship with SS will, as I feel, decompose rather quickly. Can't wait for more chapters...
5 / 5 stars
I don't know weather to laugh or be creeped put, Diamond is teetering on obsessive by the end of this chapter and it probably will play against her in the future...
4/5 stars
It turned from no understanding to insanity, still great though
3254812 Thank you. Poor, crazy Diamond Tiara.
Wow DT.. reeeal smooooth!
she acts like a certain OTHER pink pony we all know and love
makes me wonder if Pinkie and DT are related? Same coat, same eyes. and now that same manic behavior.
well that was harsh Spoony. you gave her a freaking Key
my OTP is ruined!
That escalated quickly
talk about a bit obsessive. Though a Silver Spoon plushy? Wellplayed there, wellplayed.
Diamond has officially gone crazy. Discord would be proud maybe. XD
Cannot wait for more.
When I get back from my holiday I will try and write some more.
I bet DT grows up into Screwball. They're both pink, have a purple mane, and are nuts!
the premise is interesting but the execution is very rushed and lacking something. It reads like a news paper article sometimes. Scenes that should be charged with emotion and have allot of potential for drawing the reader's interest in just falls flat. We need more description in Diamond Tiara's facial expressions as well as that of the ponies who have to deal with her irrational behavior.
It would do well to have inner monologue so we could get an idea as to Diamond unstable mental state of mind. Take some time to describe the scene even if we all know what the schoolhouse generally looks like. We do not know what Diamond or Silver's bedroom looks like and you took no real time to describe those scenes to us either.
The paragraph are huge. They need to be broken up into smaller bites of information.
also changing scenes needs work. Case in point.-
That's two scenes in one sentence (in one HUGE paragraph). A scene change should be broken up by a line or dashes ------ or just a double space between paragraphs, something to alert the reader that the scene has transitioned to another.
For instance. What is Cheerilee doing? Is she sitting behind her desk with her fore hooves out on top and a blank expression, biting her lip as she wonders what the hell to say to this filly who insists she's holding her best friend in stuffed animal form?
or is she standing, taking a deep breath and just looking down on Diamond with a bemused and frustrate expression before she delivers her announcement that the so called "real Silver Spoon" is to be suspended?
stuff like that is super important to drawing the reader in and having them invest in the character's predicament.
also Alula seems so shocked by Diamond's actions like she was not in class with her when the whole school watched her act like a deranged psychopath.