Holy
Joined 16th Jun, 2012 ·
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...you need a bit of work with an editor, but otherwise, I see no reason not to like this story.
3189974
I do my own editing on top of writing, so sorry if some errors slip through.
Really nice story
, but at least it was a good one
Too bad it's one shot!
Can you tell me the ages of the girls?
3190126
I'm going to play it safe and just say that they're 18.
3190134
Good, thank you.
3190001 Hello, I am an editor. Ive been editing since 2011 on FiMFiction. I'm pleased that you reviewed your own story before posting. (I wish more writers would) As a sign of my apprciation, I want to personally edit your piece. Free of charge. You'll have it by the end of September (I have many stroies to finish and polish between then and now). Contact me, via Private Message, or just reply to this comment.
Hope to speak with you soon,
Thomas
Editor, 2011
1joemini
If I get a boner, which I did; this means this story was a success! congrats!
3191253
Well, thank you for your erectile approval.
Minor spelling errors but over all very good!
I may not be too big a fan of Equestria Girls, but I gotta say, this was a good read. Bravo my friend, bravo.
I very much liked this, things seemed to escalate quickly between them, but it felt natural. My only concern is, where did the car come from? From what was said earlier in the peice Rarity is driven around places by her father, so does she have her own car too?
3193783
My reasoning is that he let her borrow it for the dance. All of my friends would beg their family members to drive their sports cars to dances and the like in high school. Seemed reasonable to me.
This story is really cute. That's because Rariajck, and I really enjoy humanized fanfics. Great job!
I see them as 18 so I liked this and because RariJack plus humanized.
I, for one, would love to see a sequel to this. It was really cute and quite well-written. MOAR!!!
Editing Notes:
Random Tab: After The first kiss shared by Rarity and AppleJack, there is tab in one of the following sections. Removal is Recommended.
And Honestly, I couldnt find any addtional Errors. Great Work! and a Great Ship!
Also, you wrote pinkie very well. She is a hard charicter to depict since she is so ADD!
3194253 Agreed, I wanna see this "Hang out" of theirs
I love Rarijack in any form and this was very well done. Would love to see more.
Okay so, like this, but it needs some work.
First of all, a spellcheck and editing session wouldn't hurt. Once the "action" starts up, you keep switching between past and present tense. That's... not good.
Secondly, I would have appreciated more description. You really gloss over the dance in like, three short paragraps, and Rarity's confession happens in a split second. Plus, there's not much in way of physical description.
Thirdly, the action is a bit... vanilla. It's not all that exciting or unique.
And more generally, there's not much that screams "Equestria Girls" over "general human fic."
I don't mean to sound hard on you or anything. I think there's a lot of potential in this fic, but it needs some polishing. I'd be happy to help if you want some advice or editing or anything like that.
On the fear of sounding like a broken record, I'm not going to tell you how much I enjoyed your story. I'll just say you are a very talented author and I woul be interested in seeing what other stories you've come up with
I absolutely adored this story
assets0.ordienetworks.com/images/GifGuide/clapping/taxidriver.gif
So, Applejack has never been kissed before but then she...
.....
Everything else that happened.
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/353/279/e31.jpg
eh. this was pretty average. lotta grammar/spelling errors, and the changing between past and present tense is a big no no. otherwise, it was decent.
3425714
LOL true.
3191556 I had read and seen all of your previous to your stories of today and if i had a boner for each one (which I did for each one) I would have to fav, like, and also say one word for each one. AWESOME!!!!!!
wow....
I am from the Federal Clopfic Inspectors and I am happy after seeing this.
Even though this is the tenth time (I think?) I've read this fic, I can't begin to tell you how much I love it. I don't even read it for the clop, it just struck a really good chord with me. Just like, 'Just Experimenting'.
4787734
Ten times?
I'm glad you like it so much. Honestly, the romance shipping is really fun to write, so this definitely isn't the last of it.
Oh Greentext I love you.
Sexy as all hell, but I couldn't tell if it was in past or present tense. Other than that, like I said, I loved it.
That was a very cute story
I assume that this happened before the first equestria girls, in the timeline? 
Either way it was good and very well written. 
So AJ's dress was blue and had straps, but which blue was it? Also, did the straps form curbed around her chest?
As for Rarity, her dress was mostly white, but what were the other color(s)? And did it have straps?
So cute and steamy. I don't have any official same-sex shippings for the fandom, but Rarijack is now officially one that I like.
Hey Holy! what will the sequel be called?
5869102
I think this was supposed to be au but never got tagged.
https://youtu.be/o6F6u5TIUbI