No Danger Here... It's Covered In Free Muffins

by SwiperTheFox

Fishing (Part I)

"Is this it for us? We have no time," moaned Twilight Sparkle, burying her face in her hooves. Rarity and Pinkie Pie glanced at her for a few seconds before wandering around in the library.

Rarity muttered something about it being so odd for Twilight to be so melodramatic, while Pinkie just gazed out the window. Rarity flashed back to the gigantic boot crashing straight down into the city hall. She twirled her mane around, muttering that at least it was a fashionable inky black boot that tore everything into ruins.

"We have to think of a way to stop his nefarious time spell now, before Septavian destroys all of Ponyville," Twilight moaned again, crumpled upon the floor.

"Darling, if we have a device that can travel in time, then why don't we just go back a few days back to when he first came here?" asked Rarity, trying her best to be polite. She stepped over besides Twilight, rubbing a hoof on the other unicorn's side.

"W-w-what?" Twilight replied.

Rarity sighed, clearly wondering how Twilight could be so thickheaded. "I know you might want to drag this out-- to wage this horrible battle with him now that he's in his true form," Rarity said, walking around Twilight as she scowled, "I suppose that would be more, well, dramatic. The most logical thing would be to active your little 'tachyon distruptor' deceive and materialize us right when Septavian was in the latrine."

"Before he powered up?"

"Then, I could buck him in the face," Rarity said, miming the move with her flank, "Problem solved. There's no need for a complex quest or villain fight. We can cut right to the chase, darling."

"Booooooring," Pinkie suddenly called out, and she hopped over to the two unicorns, "The fans would never go for that. Oh, sure the whole group 'fridge logic' nerds that nitpick everything to death--" Pinkie wiggled her front hooves in the air, opening up her mouth wide in disgust. "They would love for genre savvy protagonists to story skip like that. Who cares! The real fans would go along for the ride and understand the suspense of disbelief."

"Fridge logic?" Rarity asked, looking blank. Twilight said nothing. They watched as Pinkie bounced about the library. She glanced everywhere with such a weird expression on her eyes-- as if she was watching several other worlds behind her eyes.

"Think about it!" Pinkie yelled as she skated across the floor to the two unicorns. Twilight stared into Pinkie's eyes, seeing something like a grid-like interface-- glowing bright red-- inside Pinkie's pupils. "Did Harry Potter just use his time travel spell to go back to Tom T. Riddle's time in Hogwarts and lock him in the women's locker room? Oh, sure! That would be LOGICAL!" Pinkie spat out that last word like a foul tasting snack from her mouth. "But it sure wouldn't be fun to end the whole blasted series like that?"

"What's a Harry Potter?" Twilight asked. She looked over at Rarity. The two of them winked. "Uh, Pinkie, I think that our little conflict with Septavian has gotten you a little stressed out. Maybe you should rest." Twilight magically lifted over a pillow and blanket behind Pinkie's back. "You've had a rough time."

"I'm fine, really," Pinkie groused, and she kicked the blanket away, "I'm good as new, miss smartypants. In fact, my little mental interface has made me think clearer than ever." She walked over to the window and glared at Twilight. "What makes you think I'm not alright, anyway?"

Rarity coughed. Twilight just pointed forward right at Pinkie. The pink pony curled her head to the side, and she looked down at her body. Her eyes ran along the huge set of bite marks across her chest and belly down to her legs. Little white splotches of Septavian's 'noble dragon seed' still stuck along her pink fur up to her flank, as badly as she had tried to wash it all out. Pinkie took a deep breath.

"Okay, maybe I'm not so alright," she muttered. She looked over at Twilight, who made a soft, motherly expression. The blanket wrapped around Pinkie's sides for a second time. Pinkie shivered, cocking her head backward.

A little glint of metal flashed outside the window. Pinkie spun around, bouncing at least four feet into the air at the sight. Rarity and Twilight gasped. Pinkie rocketed out the window.

"Darling, what are you--" Rarity began, bursting out the door. "Oh, goodness, what on earth is that? It's so long and curvy at the end."

"That's what she said!" Pinkie squeaked out. She eyes danced around the humongous metal pole over to the little bent tip at the end. The hook-like thing just stuck out and hovered in the air out of nowhere. She glanced up, hopping like crazy all the while, and she saw a thin white line leading up into the heavens.

"Uh, Pinkie, I think that's a little... dangerous..." Twilight muttered, gawking at the thing. Rarity waved her hooves in dismissive frustration, heading back down the street to her boutique.

"How can it be dangerous," Pinkie laughed, "No danger here... It's covered in free muffins!" She bucked herself into the air and threw herself at the hook.

Twilight shrieked as Pinkie's face smashed all along the hook. She had to admit that it looked tempting. Twilight's mouth watered at the thick white chocolate filling, still molten, that dripped out of the muffins' guts. She gazed at the numerous little candy pieces littered into the soft milk chocolate frosting.

"I wonder what Derpy would do if she was here," Twilight whispered, still gazing forward. She stepped closer by insinct, without thinking. Twilight suddenly shivered. The color drained from her face. "Pinkie, no! It's been enchanted somehow! It's a trap!" Twilight's horn glowed, her magic covering Pinkie's body.

"Mine!" Pinkie screamed, and she shoved her face into the end of the hook. The tip, coated in muffins, buldged out from the side of her cheek. Drool poured everywhere.

=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=

"You sure about this, Bob?" asked the other lab technician. He tried his best not to look at the little pink device, covered in thick wires and long, curly tubes. Energy pulsed all around it. He glanced at the misty portal glowing inside the device, and he winced. He couldn't help thinking of it as some kind of freaky alien vagina.

"Everyone loves MUFFINS, Wayne!" Bob screamed, and he made that horrible cracked-sort of expression on his face. Wayne shrugged as Bob pulled back with his fishing pole.

=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=

Pinkie stuck herself deeper onto the hook, making it stick into her throat. Her legs kicked idly into the sky behind her. Twilight had covered her in magic, but it seemed to have no effect. Finally, Pinkie shifted back. She curled her head around and glared at Twilight.

"How about you just--" Pinkie began, "Relax for a minuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee--"

*Whoosh*

The hook shot straight up into the air. Pinkie saw Ponyville immediately shrink from a full city to a tiny dot, clouds flowing by her. She took a deep breath, and the air seemed to disintegrate. She blinked. She looked out at what she guessed was the surface of the earth. Inky blackness stretched all behind her.

Pinkie slinked over, gripping the hook with all her strength. Her eyes locked against a huge chunk of white chocolate wrapped in sprinkles. Her face contorted.

"MUFFINS! YOU LIED TO ME!"

Comments

[Fluttrick]

My reaction to the picture
(cough cough) PINKZILLA!!

[Anonymous XXX]

....
wat.
...
harry potter had no time travel spells. i know you're not exactly going for a lack-of-plot-holes thing here (get your mind out of teh gutter) but yeah just sayin

[RedvsBlue327]

Muffins: "Problem?"

[SwiperTheFox]

260202
http://www.hp-lexicon.org/magic/devices/devices-t.html#time-turner

That's a magical device, and not a 'spell' per se... but Pinkie's point still kind of holds (she's not making sense anyway, though, so whatever).

[Anonymous XXX]

263519 well i'll agree that pinkie doesnt make sense. and i just remembered that the death eater from book 5 didnt fall into time turners, he fell into that hummingbird thing. so my argument is pretty much invalid, except that it would take several thousand turns to get back to that day but oh well

[Spirit of the Forest]

lolwhat am i looking at?

[FanOfMostEverything]

Ooh, dragon rape. That be dark, yo.

Still, at least we aren't obsessing over it. Here's hoping Rarity convinces Twilight to go back in time, fix Mr. Bitey's wagon, and prevent Pinkie from getting hooked. In the meantime, the party pony's antics in our world promise to be most delightful, especially now that her narrative awareness appears to be on the upswing.

[Elkhorse]

Nope, no idea what just happened.

[SenialHobo]

Looks like Pinkie's...
*put on glasses*
Hooked on muffins!
YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

[Feurisson]

I remember reading this half a year ago. You're aren't planning on continuing this, are you?

[SwiperTheFox]

1633816
Maybe... it's something that I haven't forgotten about, but it's something eclipsed by other thoughts.