A muffled thump woke him up that morning. It was followed by a yelp as he rolled off the bed in surprise. Now he's just staring at the blue eyes staring back at him from the other side of the bed.
Interesting start to a day off, meeting an alien and all.
Read below about hiatus reason.
~~~~~~~
Chapters are a once in a while side thing for me when an idea strikes. There's a lot of time to dig into between the start and the suggested time of the second chapter. At present, I'm only confirming a third any time soon. When he wakes up for that first meeting.
After that, it's probably going to finish the first day or couple of days before I start doing any major time jumps between additional chapters. I may not do them in order at that point, but they will be placed in order. As is suggested in the second chapter, timeline is limited up to them being middle-aged with an empty nest. Mostly going to be kooky and fun, with the occasional serious event taking place.
No connection to my main story, Protecting Harmony.
It's a cute story but damn, there's so much more that could have been done with it. You build up the beginnings of the relationship really nicely and then boom it's 18 months later and they're in love. I'd have liked to have seen some of that stuff that happened off camera, actually see their relationship evolve. As it is, it just seems a little jarring.
But hey, still a good story, have a Like from me. :)
5617452 I understand that sentiment. It was, however, the point of the story to be focused on the parts it has.
The idea did just pop into my mind one day and didn't leave me alone for a few days after. So I started writing and then stopped halfway through for a couple weeks, then finally sat down to finish the thing.
While there is of course plenty that could be done in the year and a half period left unsaid, it would just be ordinary slice of life stuff and someone adapting to a place they didn't intend to be. To see a far better example of this kind of thing, I cannot recommend the story Xenophilia enough here on FiMfic.
Just wanted to give Pinkie a little love at random and let the reader's imagination come up with all the tiny details of the rest. Lets the story be a little secretly special for everyone that way.
Thanks for the comment.
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This fic was just awsome, it's to bad it was just a one parter tough, i agree with Llyander that there is s much that could be done with this fic.
That was really good. Very cute.
But I agree with everyone else and say this needs to have another chapter or a sequel
5625807 As it currently sits in my mind, it is just a one-shot. If an idea of something more ever came to mind, I wouldn't be averse to it, but this is most unlikely due to my intentional arrangement and focus. Adding to it would take something away from what it is now.
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there is a rather large amount of lost potencial here but, oh well no changing it now, still it was a good one
5739430 I think you mean untapped potential, rather than lost as that implies I couldn't change it.
Maybe I'll get inspired at some point in the future and add some more stuff into this like I was of late with developing a warrior Wonderbolts addon from my main story. I don't forget the stories I write. They're always spinning around in my brain and sometimes, they knock new stuff loose. For now, I have a major focus elsewhere.
I'm just glad this was enjoyable.
5740793 you could really streatch this one out, a lot
It appears that I have inadvertently ripped you off.
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5744120 Thhbbb! I don't think so at all, just from reading the story's page.
Even similar stories are filled with their own approaches to things. As I have heard it, '1000 Virgin Mares,' one I don't know the name of, and 'I Am Going To Save And/Or Destroy Equestria!' all have a very similar initial basic initial start, but are still very different stories.
Don't worry about it and enjoy writing. If you read mine and then started writing, you at worst simply got some inspiration. I'll give yours a read too.
For all the prodding ones, I'll just make a note that I probably will post more in the future for this story. I've been getting more inspiration and have an idea of how to start telling more of the story from within the story.
I suppose it's never really going to end once I do. The way I'm looking at going about it will be looking back over a life lived and reliving all the stories that happened because of that. Glimpses and one-shot moments.
When is whenever I come up with something I feel is going to fit. Having a main effort in Protecting Harmony makes this secondary as it's an entirely independent verse.
Yes! I am really looking foward to you making updates to this fic! There just isn't enough Pinkie/OC human stories out on the net.
5897274 Well don't expect too much here. This continuation is more of a when-I-need-it diversion from my main work. Chapters will be infrequent at best. It's also a different approach to writing I can experiment with, though it is already proving to be a challenge to work with. On the other side, even though this is wholly separate from my main story, Protecting Harmony, including the functional mechanics of the verse, I am borrowing some things from there.
As suggested in the second chapter, they lived a full life and Peter is now middle-aged, thinking upper 40s perhaps, remembering all they'd gone through together. And considering Pinkie is involved, it could be said this will never truly end.
That said, what did you think of the update?
5897770 It was interesting, i liked the angle of how it starts when he is in his middle ages and writes of all of his adventures in Equestria that he had all throu his Life.
Writing like that you have a great deal of freedom of how you write the chapters, for example one chapter can be about when he and two of his daughters Went swimming, and the chapter after that can be about how Pinkie Pie was handeling her first pregnancy, this way not all chapters needs to be connected.
That said, even if there will be no scheduled update it is still very good to know that this story is still alive and Active, so keep up the great work.
5898275 Thanks for the response.
this is a short story but a vary good story I will be watching if you ever up date it.
keep up the good work and pony on.
Harts Fire
5900918 Like I said, it's going to be a once in a while thing. The first day after Peter's arrival is all I'm confirming.
Really need to go back through and clean things up a little too.
I understand and I know you are working on a few other story's also.
This was promising. Then you decided to skip the build up and jump right to the climax of a romance story. But I'm not the first to state that. I will just say that it is very much a shame that you have done it this way. I know writing a long romance takes time and effort, but the beginning was great. Had a distinct tone, a somewhat more unique first encounter than most HiE I've seen and the interactions were adorable. As such, I am sad to see such quality writing end up going "whoops, not gonna write the majority of this story". Because I think you could have made it great. As it is, we have a cute short one.
Also, the ending feels rushed and tells rather than shows. It is more of an infodump than proper storytelling. Sorry.
So all in all, I consider you a tease. Such good writing, a great start and then, no actual story. And I have noticed that there might be posted more of the bits in between. I will read that too. But the structure in this chapter is bad. The lack of middle drags it down.
But bear in mind that I only write this much because you did very well in terms of pure interaction quality.
Are you serious? Another huge leap in time, to set up a narrative frame for chapters that might never come? Man, I called you a tease before. I would shout it now, but I consider myself too dignified for all caps.
This was not as good as the first. There just isn't really anything to read. It's a framework and an infodumping one at that.
Still, I hope to see the actual memoirs. If you get back to describing events as they happen, with the same kind of life as you did in Peter's room, instead of listing events, which is about half of what you do after the first time skip, I will be thrilled to read them. Because when you write like that, you shine.
Sorry for the harsh words. It just gets me when people show skillful writing and does something I don't like instead.
Happy writing.
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Hey, don't worry about it. I'm happy to hear your opinions on this. Although if you think I was teasing here, you should see the huge clop-tease I did with Ch 6 of my main story, now that I got the revision done. Keep building up and then hit the brakes again, though it's all part of what happens in the story.
Anyway, as for further chapters of this story...well, it was meant to be a one-shot. There's only so much you can do in a single chapter and while there is the allusion to lots of adventures and happenings between their getting pulled to Equestria and the a fair bit of time later, the focus of the story was ONLY on the relationship between them. They lived a life as a best friend helping another through the heartache of losing all contact with his old life, finding acceptance in that, then at last accepting who was available for romance and realizing what was right there the whole time. The key parts were covered. I know the missing time is full of interesting things, it is Pinkie after all, but those were ancillary. I had an idea and it was done.
Now with the beginning of Peter looking back at the life they'd shared, I left it open for myself to throw things in when new ideas come along. Some will be short, some longer. The time skip is useful as another allusion to how much life was lived and the thoughts he has while gearing up to write fit into what I suppose anyone might think in a similar moment. The whole 'it's Pinkie' aspect aside, he wasn't an adventurer or doing anything particularly special beyond trying to build, then live a normal life, inasmuch as that's possible in magical pony land, with Pinkie around most of all.
At present, I think I'll do a memoir-ish lead-in before returning to my usual approach, then probably close a chapter with the same. In many ways, it's flashbacks as much as anything else. Funny enough though, because I have SO much freedom, I can be open to the occasional suggestion. Not saying I'd do such a thing, but offering ideas expands what I might do when the urge comes along.
Now that I've rambled and blathered, I'll stop myself here. Thanks for your thoughts.
Good story. I can't help thinking that Pinkie being nervous about the chilli cupcakes would be slightly OOC since she likes cupcakes with hot sauce though.
5906100 I don't actually remember that myself, but I'll keep it in mind. Although something to keep in mind with someone's personal tastes is you might have someone that loves ketchup, yet despise vinaigrette salad dressing for the vinegar taste most of all. Different applications and uses in food can drastically change how we perceive relatively similar ingredients. In addition, a topping on a food is quite different from having it mixed in.
Now I have the urge to actually test this difference between hot sauce on a cupcake versus chilies baked right in. In my mind at least, I can see enjoying the chilies baked in far more than just adding some hot sauce on top. The vinegar in hot sauce would mess with the cupcake, but chilies themselves would blend.
Absolutely adorable, it had me smiling throughout.
The only problems are some very minor grammatical flubs that I can't even recall and that the romance came straight out of left field. I feel that simple friendshipping would have worked better.
That said, this is going in my favorites.
Edit: Right, there's a second chapter. I'll get back to you.
Not much to add, but here goes:
It still had me smiling for most of it, but this chapter just wasn't as good as the first. The writing is sloppier and there are more grammar mistakes, the worst being this bit:
as it changes from first to second person in the middle of the sentence. The change is acceptable in those paragraphs as a whole since he's writing it as if he was telling it to somepony; but that sentence should be all in first person, otherwise it makes no sense.
Also, Sunshine Sprinkles Pie is a terrible name, and their pet names are almost equally terrible. This is not something that should be changed, just something that I felt had to be said.
5974429 Well the name of their daughter was arbitrary and I can always change it until I think I've locked it in place. The pet names are, however, quite intended to be horrible. I think part of my motivation for this story is getting to be a kook. It's also Pinkie. This is enough of an excuse on it's own to do almost anything fun without requiring a lot of sense. Discord is the excuse to do almost anything flat out nuts. One fic I read had Luna deny her moon is made of cheese, to which Discord replied with a snap of his fingers and said 'It is now.'
As for the paragraph at the end of the second chapter, and perhaps the second chapter as a whole...yes, I can see the issues. I've not done much of any editing on it and hadn't even noticed when I wrote it at first, the tense issue is fixed in my copy, and the third chapter is at most a quarter complete. Sometimes I write more free form than I should.
Also wrote this entire thing before realizing I entirely forgot the double space thing.
5974767 I didn't mean that any of the names should be changed, just that they were terrible, in a funny/cringe worthy kind of way.
Whatever the flaws, it's a very sweet story.
5974919 Ah, I see. Right on target then.
And due to making the choice to continue this, it will take time, but I can slowly display how the romance happened. I get to play with a guy oblivious to uniquely pony style flirting until I catch up to the right point. At least, if I ever get that far. Only confirming a third chapter to see how I like it. First full day in Equestria should be interesting.
5975638 Reminds me about Xenophilia. That's a very good thing, if you were wondering. Disregarding whatever opinion someone might have of clop, it is one of the most well written stories on the site in my opinion.
I don't care what you say or do, this will always be a story I can come back to and read again and again, perfection in a written form my friend.
6879455 While I am thankful for your positive opinion, I'd highly encourage you to look at the other stuff I've done. This was a one-shot I let myself half-arse an extension on, and became occupied with something much bigger. And somehow, I now find myself writing two separate adventure stories within the same verse. One of which is actually canon ancient history to my main effort.
One of these days, I'll finish the chapter of how Peter spent his first day for this story, but who knows when I'll get around to it, considering I've grown so busy on a deep verse in my main effort.
¿Y qué pasó con su familia?