You've had your eyes on her ever since you met her, you get nervous around her, you pay full attention to her when she speaks, your heart melts when she giggles, and you wish to stare into her beautiful eyes forever.
When are you going to confess your love to her. Is it so hard to tell her.
Anon X Twilight Sparkle
2nd person story
Update: As of January 26th this story has reached 500 views.
Another Update: As of January 28th this story has 25 likes.
On February 16th this story has reached 666 views.
As of February 29th this story has 750 views and it's on a leap year.
As of April 10th this story has reached 1000 views.
As of April 27th. 35 likes! I didn't believe this story would be so awesome.
As of June 20th, this story has reached 1500 views.
As of August 18th this story has reached 50 likes. Whooo!
There's a sequel coming in May and it's out now.
Reading Of The Story By Lotus Moon: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnTALvu9OwQ&t=8s
It's a good start. It could use an editor, I'm seeing run-ons, fragments, and general grammatical errors that are no fun to read. In general a pretty good fic. Characters are a little OOC.
6800976
Thank you.
If this is the end of the story, you should mark the story complete. If there is a sequel you can always add the link to it in the author's notes.
I have a couple of comments about the date though. It would be unlikely that the cakes would close the shop unless they were catering to a big party. Instead of closing down the shop to all of their patrons, consider having sugar cane corner have some privet booths instead. Tux's are for formal balls and weddings. A sharp looking suit though would not go a miss.
Keep it up, thumbs up
I like the concept, and the story. However it seems a bit, thin, is the best word I can find right now. Also a bit rushed. Perhaps a bit of padding , more description.
M'sparkle
I have read it at work, and well while it wasn´t the best I know, I want to give this a honest chance. It was also not the worst story I have seen!
I can remember that I don´t really feel that Twilight loves him. It was to sudden, and somehow out of nowhere too.
6801447
I guess I agree with that, but I like it enough that I want to see more, and then I try to help a bit more, then I try to comment about every part of the story, so that you know a little bit more why I think this and that way.
Check my page. I posted a blog on whoever wants to help me on my upcoming stories.
6801159
It's fixed.
Ooooh! Good story! Who is disliking this...?
6809880
I think this is my best story I made so far.
People who notice problems with the story will dislike the story.
What is with all the down votes? Its a little bit thin and could use some padding out but its still good.
Oh well screw the haters I enjoyed it.
6817380
Yeah.
6810477 You're right! Loved it!
Overall, this story felt a bit forced and for a date, a café wouldn't fit the mood. A great afternoon restaurant would be better. Apart from that, excellent. Also, who is the guy and how do the gang know him, and what did he do that made then get scared of him? Questions you should keep in mind.
Good job!
6827384
The guy name is Anon. How does Anon know the gang, Twilight showed him to them, and his appearance scares them because they've never seen creature like this before. I didn't know any names for a restaurant so I decided on Sugarcube Corner because it's closer and it's the only idea I had on my mind.
I'm sorry but I am so attracted to twilight. I was looking for so many stories that made myself the main character seeing Twilight. ^.^ cool story, but could've used a better setting for the date Lol, Felt a little bit rushed, but hey I know this is just a quick story for people who are really attracted to Twilight, like my self. xD Good job!
6911205
I did this in a rush over my Christmas break. Because I wanted to finish it before school started again. Your not the only one who's attracted to Twilight.
6911205
I am currently doing the exact same thing. Anything you would recommend ?
6933008 Lol, I don't really know, Whatever works I guess. I just liked this because I was the main character hehe.
6933068 Thats the same reason I like these But Im struggling to find many of them
I loved this. You should totally write a sequel. You've earned a follow.
7049903
A sequel is happening.
Thanks.
7051067 nice romance story, also you made the the storyline not confusing. good work
7068374
Thank you.
7068379 sooo, when the sequels will be released?
7068456
The sequel for this story will be released next month.
6801530 Yeah no, I hate it when they turn the human into a pony, pisses me off.
LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE
I LOVE THIS STORY, needs way more likes and views than It currently does. Quite possibly my best fantasy ever, thankyou so much for writting this!
7649651
Thank you so much.
7649710
Might I recomend you to one of mine seeing as your an avid fan of the little purple one :)
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/349360/quite-possibly-the-best-snuggle-ever
Best to start with the prequel first, just so you have it ;)
TWILIGHT, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!
Cute... but no, that's not the date you take Twilight on. This is the date you take Twilight on.
Step 1: Find a high up hill overlooking Ponyville, one where you can see the sky clearly.
Step 2: Prepare a picnic basket filled with daffodil and daisy sandwiches for her and your favorite food for yourself.
Step 3: Take her there once Luna's moon is raised and you can see the stars.
Step 4: Stargaze with her, asking her about Equestria's constellations and the myths and legends behind them. Aside from making friends, solving friendship problems, and reading, if there's two things she loves, it's teaching...
Step 5: ...and learning. If this is a humanxpony scenario we're talking about here, then if possible, bring a star chart detailing Earth's constellations, and tell her the myths and legends surrounding those.
Step 6: If she wants to get physical (you know what I mean, and of course kisses are fine), tell her that you wanna wait 'til marriage, or at least that you don't wanna rush into anything physical because after that, that's all the relationship becomes, and you stop wanting to get to know each other in other ways. It's worth it in the long run, guys. She'll see you as a gentleman that respects females, and she'll only want you more.
Step 7: Take her home.
Step 8: Profit.
Now granted, you'd have a very hard time topping that date, but there's always the "library browsing" easy button.
Well holy crap that escalated quickly.
You use the wrong "your" nearly every single time. There are way too many to list them.
The concept is good but there are a lot of mistakes.
Reading this story again, I actually noticed a couple of severe flaws. Be aware, I'm not saying any of this to undermine you, just offering advice for future stories because, like all content creators I see the content of, I wanna see you improve and what comes from those improvements.
First off, the writing. I'm not gonna list all the grammatical and punctuation errors because as much as I pretend at times, I'm not Jeremy from CinemaSins (that said, I appreciate that none of the scenes contain lap dances). But a good rule I've learned from writing is to avoid repeating yourself too many times. It can get annoying rereading what you already read, and honestly makes the writer come across as amateurish more than bad grammar.
Second, Twilight. I came here to read a readerxTwilight story, but the only indications we have that we're on a date with Twilight is that she's an alicorn, her name is Twilight, and Spike is sometimes mentioned. The way the events play out in this story, you could replace her with just about any nice girl, especially from the Mane Cast, and it wouldn't feel any different. None of the personality traits and interests that make Twilight Twilight shine through here. If I only wanted to go on a date with an object I could call Twilight, I'd order a body pillow and Netflix and chill with that.
Which brings me to the main issue here. In a romance story, there's two key elements that you must always incorporate. Personality, and chemistry. Without personality, it's just a generic love story. Seen one, seen them all, don't need to see this one. Without chemistry, we'd never believe the two characters we're focusing on would or even could fall in love. And we focus on neither here. Any opportunities we see for it get glossed over. Like one commenter said, we escalated pretty quickly to get to the point of being suicidal over one rejection from one mare. All of a sudden, later in the story, we'd just be heartbroken for months if rejected. And the generic date setting doesn't help either.
All that said, you did inspire me to write a similar fic, so I am thankful for that. Sorry if I seemed too mean.
11168204
Lol I thought I recognised the fanfic and yes because they narrated it on youtube I remember
That was a great fanfic. loved it