I should have refused to follow him for a night at the bar. I should have stayed at home. Why did I do that? What was I trying to prove?
---
Our main character has a nasty habit of falling into deep slumbers and waking up where he doesn't know where he is. In fact, the first place he wakes up...
... is in Hell.
---
Through some horrifying circumstances, the blue armor that was scattered in the ruins of the Royal Sisters' Castle reconstitutes the vessel of Nightmare Moon. Only this time, a human soul is its life source.
---
Rated Teen for some questionably older implications toward the beginning. In contrast, pyromaniacs will find said implications very underwhelming.
(Warning! Transgender imminent!)
Edit: This story was written solely for entertainment purposes. Please do not dive into this expecting a well-tested chemistry report.
Edit: I think I found a cover that just might work for now.
I thought I learned my lesson about submitting stories that I haven't "completed" yet. Apparently, I was mistaken.
I like it I'm watching
I like this more philosophical take on the general HIE story, I just hope that the mane 6 don't instantly befriend Dilan, and then fall in love.
3120930, Sir (or Madam. I can't really tell on the internet these days), I can assure you that neither romance nor shipping of any sort shall take place in this fic.
3120938 we applaud that
Flower Trio - Panic!
Shier: No.
Um... why exactly does Zecora have Starswirl's journal?
Very interesting... I await the next chapter.
3125210, Uh... last I checked, Starswirl's journal had stars and a literal swirl on the cover, not a unicorn's picture. The book in Zecora's possession is a copy of an excerpt from "The Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide".
... Hmm. I guess it doesn't make any sense for her to have that book either. Man, I suck at filling plot holes.
...
3123063, Hey, you should totally write that.
Me? I'm going to be busy walking this story in a different direction.
3125366
After using the Internet for a long period of time, getting distracted many times along the way, I have deduced that I was incorrect and that you were correct.
3120938 Good to know, also you should be able to tell my gender rather easily, just read the rules of the internet. They clearly state that there are no girls on the internet.
3126050, Ah, but you're forgetting the unspoken rule of life:
Girls never play by the rules.
Well, I can safely say that this isn't an "instant best buddies" fic. Unfortunately, I could also say a bunch of stuff that works against this story's favor. But I'll leave that up to you guys.
all aboard the confusion train!!
Thank you for keeping the plot truer to the show, and not an instant friends Fic,also its nice to hear an interpretation of what its like to be at the receiving end of the elements. I also really enjoyed the split screen thing, it was a nice light touch to the story.
That's exactly what I was thinking after other ponies started arriving!
I bet Zecora tricked Nightmare into going to the elements of harmony to get rainbow shot.
I've written stories without knowing what I was doing. I think they turned out all right, just like this one! Keep going, it's awesome!
gimme all your hypothetical internet points I DEMAND THEM!!!
3147357, *Compresses all hypothetical internet points into a giant stick*
Fetch, omega!
*tosses stick really hard*
Good Chapter.
3147431
But I wanted a few of them. Did you have to give Omega ALL of the Hypothetical Internets?
I suppose the chapter that I write after this will help me determine if I want to add another tag or not.
3233145 Loved the wordplay. 'Hail to the King'?
So Princess Luna and Dilan are still connected, even though they share different bodies. Interesting...
oh was that a shout out about that story that did something similar with sombra?
I would recommend less perspective changes. At most, you should have 2 - 3, not one every few sentences. It's quite distracting...
3126637 The internet is not life, it is deceit and lies, and by that it abides.
\
(Damn no Zecora emoticon )
3234142, Except by that logic, that rule in itself is a lie, which means that it doesn't follow any rules at all. It's a paradox! There is no answer!
51st like
the third person tidbits when they aren't really doing anything like 'mind-verse' are annoying, put them at the end authors note. >:( also those bits where the p.o.v changes just put P.O.V (character name here)
hail to the king is a really funny story but i dont think the human would do that kind of thing I hope
something weird is happening
hopefully later you have a good game plan out for this i hope this story doesn't end up as dead forever kind of story but i do like it heck best of luck to ya!
Well this was still good, despite it not being what some of us expected. I'll be looking forward to more of your work.
Eh, I really liked how...relaxed the story was up to this point. I don't really think an antagonist is necessary, but you've been doing good so far, so I have faith~
I never thought I'd see the fleeting moment where the view count is exactly 666.
Heh, I'm too easily amused.
Edit: Well, it was amusing while it lasted.
Well, Know you are good guy, Dain
But IT TIME FOR JACK TO LET ER RIP
i think this is a very good story so far and i can't wait to read the next chapter of this this story when or if it comes.
All right, then. I'm adding a tentative "Dark" tag.
Dark doesn't necessarily mean grimdark. Dark means that it's a bit more serious then normal, but it can still have a happy ending.
3425778
This story's just gone dark
Now I can not see it
it's too dark
Terrible joke I know
3425876, That's nothing. You want to hear a terrible joke?
...
You want to hear me tell it again?
This story is spoopy. There needs to be a spoopy tag.
I see what you did there
So Transformers now?
3430806,
I don't follow.
3425897 ...I personally liked that joke.
3430832 How he/she changed color
Good fic! Demand more!
To TundraStanza,
Here is some respectful advice based on my immediate reaction.
You, generally, should not switch perspectives like this. It is too quick to get used to in such bursts and too unsettling to run into the tag you put before the switch. Let the audience settle into one perspective so we can focus on the story you are telling rather than trying to figure out what is going on with the perspective at each change.
Also, there is no need to indent and separate your paragraphs by a space. Just do one. As this story is not a formal letter, you should be indenting. This kind of miss-formatting can immediately kill my interest. However, you blurb interests me so I will see what I think if the content.
From,
The Smileyrat
Post Script:
Having read this story, I can say that it is reasonably well written and some of my prior concerns were less of a problem than guessed. Still, the formatting can be improved. I would very much enjoy it if the quality of the formatting at least matched the quality of the story it-self.
This... was unspeakably the most hilarious thing that I have read (well more like a second with Mort Takes A Holiday) I especially liked the summary of Humans. But I jest... I hope that you will lift the Hiatus sooner or latter