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Spike and Rarity have been together for a while now, but something isn't quite right about Rarity. Spike may be dismissive, but Twilight can see it. And Twilight knows exactly why Rarity doesn't seem quite herself lately. What Twilight doesn't know is how much longer she can keep it a secret, especially with her own grip on sanity slipping from her hooves.
Story revised on 2013, 08, 23.
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Well ... uh. Well, ok, I mean, some of it started out a bit dry but it really got into it's groove quick. The fan in-joke was well done, I think, and the reactions were pretty spot-on.
Except Twilight. That last part? Yeah no. I can't see that last part happening. That seemed to be about trying to make a dark-ish and sad fic into dark territory for just about no reason. So Spike did that thing and she ... buries him alive? Really? I'm sure the Guard could help or her friends or something ...
Anyway, it is pretty well done up till you lost me there so have a thumb. Good job.
EDIT: Oh, and the wrecking crew wouldn't hear him?
You'll have to explain to me how burying a guy who can dig through rock and dirt with ease is supposed to work. Unless they made that basement out of some indestructible material, Spike's going to be free soon enough.
So far, the only comments that you've gotten have been bad. I love this story! It's written well and the idea was very cool. I was waiting to see what happened with Rarity. That twist was epic! I'm very happy with the ending, the perfect amount of evil.
It was.....Alright? I really can't say, one way or another. I like the idea, but.....Idk. It just didn't sit well with me. And what everyone else said. Unless the building is being demolished via Sonic Rainboom.
ct.fra.bz/ol/fz/sw/i53/5/9/9/frabz-Dafuq-Is-going-on-here-62aefb.jpg
And
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.......damn...just..just damn
This should have a Dark tag because of what happened.
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Yeah, I wanted to drive the point home that Twilight wasn't herself anymore. I might have overdone it. I did mention how the basement had been soundproofed, though. And yeah, Spike could certainly get out of there without too much trouble. I figured I might one day come back for a sequel to explore that (and the repercussions of what Twilight did).
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Thanks. I know this story isn't for everyone, and it's nice to see that someone enjoyed it.
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That's about the reaction I expected, honestly. It's a pretty odd concept, and I was kinda going for something unsettling.
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I debated with myself over whether or not it deserved a Dark tag. Thanks for the input; I've added it.
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Well, maybe if there were more hints at Twilight's fall into her own type of madness, it might work. Make her seem harsher, more 'black-white' or Punisher-esque, or just broken down instead of slightly-frazzled. Which is what she seemed to be, to be honest. Slightly frazzled. Admittedly, this is the same mare that went nuts over a late assignment ... still, a bit out of the blue.
The idea is sound ... ish, depending on how Twilight is approached, it just needs a bit more characterization of Twilight and her mental state I think. And really, with all the Spike-Rarity stuff in it, the story really seems to be about Twilight.
I mean, overall, I did like it. Love turning into obsession, the inability to let things go, destroying friendships and family ... ships to get what you want (very drug addict-seeming - or love-addict as the case may be, the two are very close to each other). I like the concept. I REALLY liked the whole marshmallow thing, I thought that was great and it added enough meta-humor to keep it from being overwrought. I just need to see into Twilight's mind a bit more to accept her actions, that's all.
>>Bootsy Slickmane
trust me...you did it with flying colors...seriously did NOT see her being made of CANDY
I mean first I thought it was Nerco magic, then clockwork tech....but....but animated candy cause she was sweet. My skin crawled.
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Hmm... I had hoped the incident with Owlowicious would be enough to show her instability (though it was rather vague). I didn't want to make it too wangsty, though. It's a difficult balance. I consider the whole work to be rather rough, and will likely revise it in the near future. Thanks for the advice. I may just mend the ending into something more reasonable (like involving the guard).
The whole concept was a bit hard to work with, and was mostly to see if I could take a joke and make it into something serious. Didn't help that it was my first ever attempt at any sort of tragedy. I'm glad you liked the twist, as I feared it would send many palms to faces. Very experimental, I consider this work to be.
By far one of the best fanfictions that I've read in a long time. Thank you for writing this awesome story.
Damn, that really was something.
Poetry. Sheer poetry, as far as I'm concerned. Incredibly well done.
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You honor me, truly. Even though this is one of my favorites out of all the things I've written, I sometimes look back on this story as something of an old shame, due to it's rather mixed reception. Sometimes I wonder why I write at all. Then I see a comment such as yours, and I remember why I love to tell stories. If I can leave a positive impact on even one reader, then it's worth the effort of writing. Comments such as this one keep me going. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and for your kind words.
One, no, six words, no, one, Marshmallowgoodnessthinswasepicandawesome
yay
Dude, don't let the mixed reception get to you too much. I don't know if I'm reading a revised version of the story or something, but I think it's great just the way it is. Kind of a Tales from the Crypt take on the concept.
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Thank you very much. I knew that not everyone would like this long before it was finished, so the mixed reception doesn't bother me all that much. It's still my worst-rated story here, though, and that does tend to stick with me. The original version was more vague about the incident with Owlowicious, didn't have quite as many looks into Twilight's mind, had Twilight being a bit less angry, and didn't have that short little scene at the end. The version here is just a bit better and clearer than the original in general, adjusted based on the advice of early comments. I was actually thinking of writing more dark takes on fandom jokes, since I've had fun with the ones I've written. Thanks for giving it a shot, as well as your kind words.
The revisions you mentioned actually fit in exactly with what I'd been expecting, honestly.
As others have commented, I expected all manner of different things while reading through the story. At various points, I was thinking everything from "Spike accidentally killed Rarity somehow and had Twilight bring her back" through to "Rarity is under some sort of mind control that's gradually slipping away."
Ultimately, the ones I really feel sorry for are Spike and Owlowicious. The poor bird didn't do anything wrong, he just got into the wrong place at the wrong time during one of Twi's psychotic breaks. Spike was clearly broken by losing Rarity, and understandably so, and it's not hard to sympathize with him after he digs his way out.
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I did my best to keep readers guessing without being annoying about it. And yeah, no one deserved the mess that the situation turned into, least of all the bird.
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...I need more sleep.
After that comment and your reply, all I could think of was the following scene:
*Twilight makes a rude gesture*
Damn, now this is what I call dark. Liked this story although the stuff was a little too obvious (I blame myself for reading too much mystery novels).
It was a good read, because you successfully kept characters in their happy go lucky personalities while subtly adding the dark twist to the plot, making it sound natural.
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Thanks. It's always tough balancing the foreshadowing, though I'd rather have people see it coming in some capacity than have everyone going, "Where the hell did that come from?"
4133886 That's true and I can really relate to this although I usually put such stuff in different manner when writing stories with this hint of mystery. Most of the time it is in some kind of prologue or dream that doesn't specify who is talking with who (to keep people guessing) or simply I tend to use fans who have tendency to "over think" simple and obvious stuff.
Sometimes a simple hug and few words can mean so much that it is only possible to guess at the true intention
Hope to see another story from you soon since you clearly have talent to write 
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I might one day actually try to write a proper mystery story. Thank you kindly, and I'll try not to disappoint.
Really enjoyed this!
This really needs a sequel.
...That is all I have to say
Poor every pony - this ain't dark it's pitch black. (well done)
here's a pick me up. . .
img06.deviantart.net/b0ec/i/2015/268/2/2/at_the_beach_by_hillbe-d9aua2g.jpg