comedy)

(no cover art)

Applejack teams up with Starswirl the Bearded to stop a world-ending cataclysm.

Twilight is jealous.

Just what it says on the tin. The idea was kind of funny, but I just couldn't find time to work this out to a whole story. It could have been a nice western. Though, with Nazis, would that have made it a Germern?

The farmhouse sat in an orchard of apple trees. As the sun came up one morning, a man walked the long driveway to the front door. He paused for a moment in the front yard to look at the house before continuing up onto the porch. He knocked on the door.

A young man, tall and broad-shouldered, opened it. He looked at the visitor on the doorstep with perhaps a little less curiosity than the man merited. The visitor had a grey beard halfway down his chest, a blue robe, and a pointed hat with bells on it. In his hand was a carved wooden staff as tall as he was.

“Hello,” said the visitor. “I must apologize for arriving unannounced, but this matter is of utmost importance and I beg you to hear me out. Is this still the Apple family residence?”

“Eeyup.”

“Good! And you are?”

“Macintosh Apple.”

The man smiled. “Yes, I can see the family resemblance. My name is Starswirl the Bearded.”

Mac put his hand out, which the man eagerly shook. As their hands parted, Mac looked at Starswirl, eyebrows lifting slightly.

“Yes, to the matter of my business,” said Starswirl. His tone turned more serious and his smile vanished behind his beard. “I once partnered with an ancestor of yours to defeat an unimaginable evil. I beg you, for the sake of the world, please take what I am about to tell you seriously.”

He paused, to ensure he had Mac’s attention. “Supernatural forces exist in this world. A great evil is about to befall us and I once more require the assistance of the Apple family to stop it.”

Mac turned and called up the stairs, “Applejack, it’s for you.”

Applejack was a naturally suspicious woman. That didn’t mean she wasn’t open and honest, but she was a certified skeptic. So when she came downstairs and saw an old man in a wizard getup at the front door, her immediate thoughts were not “actual wizard.”

She stopped at the foot of the stairs, just behind her brother. “Howdy, I’m Applejack.”

The visitor stared for a moment. Applejack checked her jeans and plaid shirt. No, nothing on them.

He shook his head. “Pardon me, I really must remember that fashion changes with the times. I was merely surprised to see a woman wearing trousers.”

“Uh huh,” said Applejack, shooting a glance at Mac.

“Forgive me, I should have begun with introductions. I am Starswirl the Bearded.”

Applejack shot another look at Mac, but he had already silently excused himself. Applejack turned back to Starswirl. “What can I do for you?”

Starswirl repeated his spiel to her, finishing with, “This took place in what I belive is the territory of Arizona. I do hope that name rings a bell.”

“It does,” Applejack said. Out west? What was a wizard doing there?

Applejack, skeptic that she was, had still seen more supernatural evil than most twenty-two year old women. Or men. Or most people regardless of age. Her high school experience had been...well, magical.

But when faced with someone who apparently needed her help to stop some unspecified disaster perpetrated by the forces of evil, Applejack couldn’t help but ask a few questions.

“So this ancestor of mine,” said Applejack, “Anyone I’d know?”

“No, unfortunately, he passed away before your time. But he was a good man, and if you have even half the will he had, we will certainly succeed.”

What ancestor of hers had been in Arizona? Maybe Jebidiah Apple, the cowboy.

“‘Before my time?’” said Applejack. “Not to be rude or anything, but exactly how old are you?”

“What year is it?”

Applejack told him.

“Then I am one thousand sixty seven years old.”

Applejack blinked. He’d said it seriously. “You, uh, look mighty good for your age.”

“I have to pace myself,” admitted Starswirl. “I have gone into long periods of dormancy, waking upon magical triggers I set for myself when the world is in peril. Such as it is now.”

“Exactly what peril is the world in?”

“This may take a long while to explain,” he said. “Do you have a comfortable place to sit?”

Applejack thought for a moment. “How about a library?”

Starswirl kept his hands neatly folded in his lap, sitting in the passenger seat of Applejack’s old truck. That didn’t stop his eyes from moving, and he appeared quite interested in what, to her, was a beat up old farm vehicle.

Starswirl didn’t seem to be the average nutcase. While Applejack wasn’t quite convinced that he was really some wizard, he didn’t seem to be putting her on. That made her even more suspicious.

She pulled into the parking lot at the Golden Oaks library and the two of them got out. Starswirl at least seemed to know how to use a modern door handle. He looked at the library. He seemed appreciative, though not especially enchanted. He picked his staff up out of the back of the truck and Applejack led him inside.

This is where Starswirl’s interest appeared piqued. Applejack wasn’t sure if it was the huge variety of books stacked floor to ceiling, or the glossy covers and plastic dust jackets. Neither were things she figured they had a thousand years ago.

Applejack’s friend Twilight was standing behind the counter. She looked up from organizing a couple of books for reshelving. “Hello Applejack.” Her bespectacled eyes slid to the side to settle on Starswirl. “Wow, that is an amazing Starswirl the Bearded costume!”

Starswirl opened his mouth, but Twilight had already come out from behind the counter. “Look at this! Are these hand-stitched? The bells are perfect! Applejack, who is this? Where did you find him!?”

“He says he’s Starswirl the Bearded.”

“Well obviously, but-” Twilight looked him up and down again. “Wow, I can’t - is that beard real?”

“I’ve been growing it since the day I was born under a meteor shower through the aurora borealis,” said Starswirl.

“Well, anyone could have looked that up,” said Twilight. “Only a true researcher of Starswirl would know about the time he allegedly gained the power to manipulate the sun and moon and then got drunk and gave it away to a pair of horses.”

“Not my proudest moment,” said Starswirl. “Fortunately, I put things right before more than a fortnight had gone by.”

“Wait, you read that manuscript too?” said Twilight. “That was one of the rarest and least-known documents in the Canterlot Library. I was the first to check it out in over a hundred years!”

“I was not aware that I had gained such fame,” Starswirl remarked.

“Me neither,” Applejack replied.

“Wait, you didn’t know I would recognize him?” said Twilight. She frowned. “I mean, I totally do, because he was one of the biggest figures in the early magical community that I was able to find in old books. But if you didn’t bring him here to show me this excellent cosplay, then why did you?”

“He showed up at my house this morning claiming to be the actual Starswirl and he wants me to go on some quest,” Applejack explained. “Naturally, I figured you’d have something helpful to say.”

“The actual Starswirl the Bearded?” said Twilight. “That’s ridiculous, by now he’s long d-” She frowned. “Actually, I don’t remember any mention of Starswirl dying.”

“I didn’t,” said Starswirl helpfully.

“It’s-it’s still ridiculous,” said Twilight. “And I say that after having independently discovered magic six years ago.”

“Oh really?” said Starswirl. “What sort of containment did you use?”

“Well, I started out with sensors for electromagnetic waveforms I noticed that didn't seem quite right and eventually advanced to a field capture device that allowed me to intercept and store what I later realized was magic.” Twilight flushed. “There were...a few problems along the way.”

“Reality holes?” asked Starswirl.

Twilight nodded.

“Magical evil transformations?”

Twilight blushed and nodded.

“Happens to the best of us,” said Starswirl.

Twilight sighed. “Yeah, that’s why I’ve kept my research on a very low profile these last few years. Most people don’t believe in magic anymore. I didn’t, until I experienced it for myself. Maybe someday I’ll figure out a way to take it public without causing mass panic.”

She shook her head, bringing herself back to the moment. “Applejack, why does Starswirl want you to go on a quest?” Her hands suddenly clenched in front of her chest and her eyes went wide. “Mr. the Beard-er, can I call you Starswirl?”

He smiled. “You may.”

“Can I come on this quest!?”

“While I admire your scholarly enthusiasm, I must unfortunately decline. This is purely a job for an Apple.”

Twilight’s face fell. “But-! Can I at least help with whatever it is you’re doing? What kind of quest?”

“Righting an ancient wrong, and defeating an ancient evil,” said Starswirl.

“So the usual,” said Twilight. Applejack nodded.

Starswirl looked at them both.

“Well, what did you think a bunch of teenage girls did with magic?” said Applejack.

Starswirl nodded. “I should have known.”

They talked for a few more minutes before Starswirl insisted that they be going. Perhaps he was trying to tactfully turn down Twilight’s repeated enthusiastic offers to join the quest.

It would be a long journey. They stopped by the Apple homestead on the way. Applejack needed to pack up. As she was the practical sort, it didn’t take much time to throw a toothbrush and a change of clothes together.

She came back downstairs to find Starswirl looking grave. “Miss Appejack, I appreciate your enthusiasm so far, but I must ask once again if you are willing to brave whatever challenges come our way.”

Applejack nodded. “If an Apple did right by you way back when, then I figure I have to do the same. You heard Twilight - this ain’t my first rodeo.”

Starswirl nodded. “I am grateful. However, I must recommend that you make preparations to protect yourself.”

Applejack smiled. “Well now, that won’t be a problem.”

She led him to the living room, where a glass case stood. Inside were nearly a dozen diligently maintained-firearms of various ages. Applejack opened the door and pointed to a shining Colt Single Action Army revolver, an authentic cowboy gun. “That’s his.”

Starswirl frowned. “No, I believe that one was.” He pointed.

Applejack followed his finger to a GI 1911. “What? That’s the sidearm Grampy Smith brought back from the war.”

Starswirl nodded. “Your grandfather did some very bad things to some very bad Nazis.”

Applejack shook her head. “Wait, did this only happen less than a hundred years ago?”

“That’s correct.”

“And you said this happened out west.”

“Is that not where these Nazis were?”

Applejack shook her head again. “No. They were...well, it was called a world war. I didn’t know about any Nazis in Arizona until just now, but most were over in Europe and there were millions of ‘em.”

“Millions.” Starswirl frowned deeply, even if most of his face was hidden by beard. “This makes the problem somewhat bigger.”

596 views

Previous Chapters Next

totallynotabrony's totallynotastory - totallynotabrony

Stats

FIMFiction

Follow & Support Us