A Spa To Ourselves

MThe Best Service Ever
MLP: FiM
Romance
Slice of Life
Aloe and Lotus have another good time at the spa, with Flitter and Cloudchaser this time. Things go quite differently this time.
Sex
Flitter and Cloudchaser
Spa Ponies
Salnalus · 6.1k words · 291 13 · 8.4k views

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Comments ( 30 )

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Jlargent

Jlargent #1 · Aug 13th, 2013 · 2 · ·

Moar please but with them having fun with other sister couples.

Nightheart

Nightheart #2 · Aug 13th, 2013 · · ·

huh. very hot yet oddly sweet.
not that it matters but i approve, very good.

RachWrites

RachWrites #3 · Aug 13th, 2013 · 1 · ·

This is very hot!! LOL I'm liking it! You should do more when you find the time!

Journeyman

Journeyman #4 · Aug 14th, 2013 · 2 · ·

I kinda like it, but the dialog is so dreary and cliche it boarders on boring. Every time they open their mouths it pulls me right out of the mood. There is no sexy in the speech, no pillow talk or delighted moans or whatever. It's as if their speech was cut and pasted from a script.

TP789

TP789 #5 · Aug 16th, 2013 · · 2 ·

Talking aside I loved this

Salnalus

Salnalus #6 · Aug 16th, 2013 · 1 · ·

3054613
Was it too much talking? Maybe I should work on that... this was my first time writing clop, so I didn't expect to write something amazing or anything.

CanterlotGuardian

CanterlotGuardian #7 · Sep 26th, 2013 · · ·

I read a story similar to this not too long ago. It looks like yours was better-planned out, though.

Salnalus

Salnalus #8 · Sep 26th, 2013 · · ·

3261590
Hmm, really?

Well, I do tend to plan out stories, but... there's another story like this?

CanterlotGuardian

CanterlotGuardian #9 · Sep 26th, 2013 · · ·

3261618
somewhere. I can't remember the name of it, though.

Jezdor

Jezdor #10 · Nov 1st, 2013 · · ·

You should write a sequel where flitter and cloudchaser drop by for a visit ^^ good story btw like nd fav from me

Salnalus

Salnalus #11 · Nov 4th, 2013 · 2 · ·

3427761
I might write it, maybe as my next one-shot. Thanks for the idea.

brony_for_life13

brony_for_life13 #12 · Nov 14th, 2013 · · ·

Hmm sal. This is a nice story( sorry i have not read it yet).

Edge Maverick

Edge Maverick #13 · Dec 12th, 2013 · 1 · ·

I would love to see a sequal to this, it's sensual, exotic and exactly what I'm looking for.
Pro's: your righting is clear, builds history through descriptor and and doesn't go beyond the bounderies of weird.
Con's: The dialogue could be improved a bit, it never faultered, and I knew what was going on the whole time, but there weren't any memorable lines in it either.
I'de give it a 7.5/10 across the board.

Salnalus

Salnalus #14 · Dec 12th, 2013 · · ·

3615644
Keep in mind, this is my first clopfic. I wasn't going to be perfect.

Thanks for the critique, though.

brony_for_life13

brony_for_life13 #15 · Dec 18th, 2013 · · ·

Yeah Sal, this Ian a hot clop fict man. I can't wait for a new one.

SolidFire

SolidFire #16 · Dec 21st, 2013 · · ·

Not a bad story at all for a first time clopfic. To be honest, what drove me to read this one was the sequel, which has a couple of my more favored pegasi. Seeing as it's a bit late, I'll be reading that story tomorrow. Keep up the great writing!

~SolidFire

Necrikus