Just your friendly neighborhood Salnalus. Writing stories and pointless blog posts. Feel free to check them out, and stuff.
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The Pinkie Pie clones are gone. They have all been zapped back to the Mirror Pond. All, except one.
This particular clone knew that if she stayed around Ponyville, she would be spotted, and end up just like all the other clones. And she didn't want that. So what else is there to do? Escape Ponyville, and to where? Manehatten. Meanwhile, a certain blue unicorn mare is busy trying to make herself look better while ultimately failing. Surprises will await them both.
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And so it begins
Interesting concept.
This could be good...
imgur.com/tCp90.gif
I see what you did there.
2881801
Couldn't resist.
Actually, I didn't even realize I put that there.
Good start!
.... Want more now.
Huh.
2890723
Not sure what to make of that reaction... is that a good one? Bad one? Curious one?
2890753
Your story's fine, and will probably get better as you develop the plot more. I think I'm gonna favorite it just because I'm interested to see what someone else is going to do with a Fakie Pie story.
I was just briefly confused because the premise of the story is sorta similar to the story I'm working on, although the tone is quite different and you've got the Trixie subplot. So yeah.
And now I'm kind of wishing my story was popular enough for people to actually plagiarize. Darn.
2890771
Oh, and now I feel really stupid...
I feel like I should be putting some sort of emoticon here to play it off as less serious.
2890771
Huh...
What a coincidence. I'm going a different direction here, though.
2890835
Yeah, that's what I realized (hence, reference to the Trixie subplot).
I'm liking how this is going! Oh, and there's a misplaced equal sign near the end.
2913951
Thank for pointing that put. Sometimes when I'm trying to press Backspace, I end up typing the equal sign or the backslash instead.
2913996 That's definitely not an unheard of mistake.
And they meet, looking forward to seeing how Cloney Pie and Trixie get along.
You might want to reword that sentence, maybe 'knows of your' instead of 'know you're'.
So I'm enjoying this story, but in what universe would Trixie say 'bla bla bla' about herself?
2937593
It's all the frustration of failing. She wouldn't really say that about herself. Besides, she has business to deal with. She wouldn't really care for the little details. She's looking at the bigger picture, and in this case now, it's that Pinkie clone.
Or that's how I see it anyway.
2937630
I get what you're saying, it just clanged for me. Pinkie/Surprise you can do whatever you want, as she's not Pinkie exactly, but Trixie just doesn't sound like Trixie to me.
FWIW, it could have gone like this
I love Pinkie/Surprise's interactions with the kids.
2937662
Fair enough. I wasn't too keen on how I should've made Trixie act in that situation, so I just went with that. Didn't make much of a difference either way. Just didn't want to try too hard to make her boastful, or she'd be a little OOC.
This, I'll have to look over in the future.
Very good story my friend, I enjoyed reading the whole story so far! the way it made and Surprise is born is perfect!
2986859
I think I could've came up with something better, but it was good enough, right?
Mmm fun
2986994
Well I been reading it and enjoyed what I read, no one completely perfect and you will always find things that could be improved on, I know with my own stories when I look back at them, one I am working on been changed four times over already.
2987108
Well, that makes me feel a bit better. Thank you.
It's a work-in-progress, I admit. Still, can't complain with a good story, right?
2987363
Indeed my friend, keep up the work ^^
Very cute fun, I confess the idea of paying to borrow library books sounded a bit strange to me but it's a minor issue that doesn't overshadow how cute and fun this is shaping up to be :)
3023298
Just a minor detail. Also, that was also done in my other story, I Dream of Twilight Sparkle. The whole paying for books thing. But that's beside the point.
AERO!!!
3023298
It's also done at a lot of private lending libraries.
3023869 really? Nifty, My experience mostly lies with public but the few private I have interacted with didn't have that policy so it stuck out to me. Always fun to learn something new
I'm really loving how the character of Surprise is still developing and how you got Trixie spot on. Looking forward to more.
This story has real potential. Maybe Surprise will get Trixie to grow a
like the Grinch. Keep it up.
Does this take place before or after the events of Magic Duel?
Yes, this chapter's much shorter than the others. But I will work on the next chapter starting tomorrow, so yeah.
3091137
The story starts directly during the end of Too Many Pinkie Pies, so it would be before Magic Duel.
Great story. Will be doing you're own version of Magic Duel in this story?
3112559
As of this point, I am not sure. However, I do know how some of the next few chapters are going to play out.
Great chapter.
Ooh, cliffhanger!
Also, semifinal? Feels like the story barely started. Hopefully you can kick off a sequel. Ah, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
3119580
I kind of had a different direction to go with the story, but after talking with a few friends, decided it was probably a bad idea, so I moved to this direction instead. And my story was supposed to revolve around Surprise trying to build a friendship sort of thing with Trixie, which is something that I plan to show in the last chapter.
Sorry if this didn't yield the result I wanted to get from my readers. I at least hope you enjoyed the story when it comes to its closing.
I have another story planned in the works if you read my blog posts (though most likely you'll only see it if you follow me). As for a sequel to this story? I was thinking about it.
3119743
Maybe I should elaborate, so I don't sound like I'm complaining about things I don't mean.
This story is clearly about Trixie gaining an unexpected friendship in Surprise. It's not untreaded terrain ("The Braggart and the Bug" did the same), but that doesn't mean it's bad - they make a very fun duo. I was expecting/assuming there to be more of a background plot building up, something that could only be dealt with by the combined forces of an egotistic showmare and a renegade party pony, so I was a bit surprised when you said the next chapter would be last, as no secondary plot had been given chance to develop.
But this is just because I tend to read between the lines and dreamed up bigger things, not because of you failing to meet any kind of expectations. Heck, my one fanfic to name is a page of rambling nonsense that goes nowhere in terms of plot, and no one's complained to me about that.
Anyway, there's plenty of sequel potential (presumably, unless the story ends with them getting killed or something), because I and probably many others would really like to see this dynamic duo take on all sorts of adventures together.
3119829
I see you made some really good points there. I fully understand it.
I'll tell you a little something, an idea I had about a month ago. Before I had the idea for the next story I planned to write (not counting A Spa To Ourselves), I planned on making this story, An Unexpected Surprise, the start of a series of stories. Suppose the second story in the series had them meet the real Pinkie Pie? That was sort of an idea I had before, though I'm not sure if something like that can come into fruition based on my future plans.
I have this story to finish, then I am focusing on my bigger story I Dream of Twilight Sparkle, then I am making another one, this time focusing on romance between two characters that don't get shipped often. The idea of another story in the Surprise series either won't happen, or might take a long time to write.
Don't get me wrong, I loved writing this story. But I have other things I'm really wanting to do more that's higher on my list of things I want to write.
3119974
That could certainly be interesting. Pinkie would be elated to meet a pony exactly on her wavelength, while Surprise would be terrified that her cover might be blown. But everything would pan out pretty well, and it looks like it's smooth sailing... and then, before she leaves, Pinkie says something to the effect of, "It's good to see that you made a life for yourself, too."
You write what you want, I read what I want. You can't rush inspiration.
3120157
That's... not a bad idea, actually. That can really work if written well.
3120385
Obviously, one would have to be leading the readers on a bit. But it suits Pinkie pretty well; having hidden depths and obfuscating ignorance is all part of her style.
There's also the option to have them put on a cameo in another story. Assuming Trixie isn't playing a very relevant part in that story, she could show up as a minor role in a scene, along with Surprise. I find that a lot of readers enjoy little continuity nods like that. I know I do.
3120468
Well, I have already added a reference to another story of mine somewhere in this story, so I don't see why a cameo can't work. It has to make sense, though. Can't just have them randomly appear for no reason without an explanation for why they're there (unless I actually go through with expanding the series).
In case you haven't noticed it already (or you don't get it), the reference is in Chapter 4 when Surprise finds a book on Jinn, which is also a book found in Chapter 6 of I Dream of Twilight Sparkle. So I can add little things here and there to anyone who actually reads all (or most of) my stories.
I really enjoyed this story. I really hope you do a sequel. I think it would be great.
3171665
Then a watch is in order, no?
Not that you have to, but it's usually for someone to watch out for new stories from a certain author.
In any case, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Not sure about a sequel, but anything can happen!
I would definitely like a sequel.