- Member Since 12th Aug, 2013
- offline last seen Aug 18th, 2013
Starfury
Starfury is an Earth pony 3 years older than Princess Celestia, and fought with Celestia and Luna against Discord. Starfury then ruled alongside Celestia, and was supposedly killed by Queen Chrysalis.
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WELCOME TO WINGED DILDO LAND OF HORNY EARTH PENISES
Your OC sounds like a shitty Mary Sue with an overly-dramatic name. Rewrite or delete, nopony will take this seriously as is. Here's a snippet from the Fimfiction Writing Guide:
A Mary-Sue (or Gary Stu) is a character who’s likeable and perfect to the point where they’re unrealistic and everything in the story they’re in bends to their will and goes their way. Good characters fall in love with them or become their best friends, bad characters hate them obsessively, and everyone who opposes them is eventually proven to be wrong or bad.
Here's another one that applies to this:
"All that said, it’s still a good idea to avoid common Mary Sue tropes like the ones listed in the footnote from earlier on. The problem with exotic names and special powers is one of justification. A realistic character can do the things she can do and is the way she is because of things that she’s done and choices that she’s made, not just because “it would be cool”."
Finally, I saw a footnote describing common Mary-Sue traits: Exotic names, special powers, unlikely knowledge, tragic backstories, pointless physical features, etc…
Yep, Mary-Sue. I'm off to read something decent.
3056899
I don't even know the context of this comment... but I have to say this might be the greatest comment I have ever seen on this site.
Stephen King's "the Dark Tower" series clocks in at over 4250 pages, took him over two decades of on-and-off writing to "officially" complete, and is said by the man himself to not even be truly complete in his eyes.
This is a man who basically writes 1K words every day before breakfast just for the lulz, and (judging from your little thesis on multiversal theory) you're basically aiming for a result that he would consider too ambitious.
There's no way such a massive undertaking can be successfully taken to completion by someone who hasn't even outgrown his childish mary-sue power fantasies on a My Little Pony fanfiction website.
I couldn't even half make sense of the description.
Okay, my standard critique checklist, based solely off my own opinion:
-Writing Skill: Good grammar, punctuation, spelling, &c so far. Good.
-Writing Style: Too fast paced, too much unnecessary detail, not enough necessary detail. Bad, but can easily be made good.
-Universe* Foundation: I'm not going to bash on your metaphysical beliefs or anything, but the way you described it sounds a little difficult to go along with (again, no offense intended). Thus, I don't think it will do your story any favors.
-Premise of story: I'm sure it sounds good in your head and all, but it might not to many other people. Also will not do any favors.
-Pre-developed characters: Not enough written for me to make an OOC judgement either way. Neutral.
-OC Characters: From what I've read so far, ridiculously Mary-Sue. Bad.
*Universe in the "lower case" sense
I'm not flaming on the story or anything, just giving my honest opinion. Take it how you want.
This chapter's title describes my thoughts so far.
3056913 Hah, just you wait and see. I'm not done with the intro yet, and you will be very surprised. Oh, and the mane is not the actual style, I just like the look of it.
3057501 Thanks for the help. I'll work on it, and try to dumb my pre-story chapter down a bit for the other readers, as I'm in a metaphysics class as well as societal philosophy.
3056972 Try me, I'm full of surprises, and as for the Stevie King, I feel quite flattered that you would compare me to him.
3056899 ...............I don't even know what the hell you just said
.....
3058126
Really? You're FLATTERED by that comparison? It wasn't a favorable comparison at all. Seriously, from here it looks like he was using Stephen King as an example of what you're nowhere near close to. Then again, considering the way you wrote this I can't say I'm surprised you missed somebody's point.
Why all the hate for this story? I'm looking at these comments wondering what the fuck they're talking about. I saw nothing about an OC, or anything related to an OC. Can someone clarify this for me?
EDIT: And why so much hate for this comment? All i asked was a simple question.
3058145 Aw, you give me too much credit! If I was that stupid and ignorant, I wouldn't have been writing this story, and wasting my time replying to comments instead of writing chapter 3 of my story. Really though, I realize that s/he meant it as an insult, and I just looked at how they compared me to one of the greatest novelists of all time!
3058616 About that,
they read my bio about my OC as well as both the short and long descriptions for this story, and believe my OC is Mary-Sue
. They are in for a wonderful, nasty surprise!
Oh, and by the way, me replying to all these comments only provides me with wonderful ideas of how to piss off all the unappreciative readers that, as they say, 'Flame on'? Anyway, I am just a big, sadistic Troll! Deal with it
3056920
as simple as that.
WIngs,Horns, and ERTH!
This fiction is going to be deleted from the site so quickly lol.
3060278 I wouldn't be too sure about that, I'm still working on the actual storyline itself.
3060363
I am not talking about it being deleted by you.
3060371 I know, the Powers That Be, and all that. I'm not too worried. They usually wait until the author goes more in-depth about their OC before passing judgment. New chapter up, as well.
3059414 Well someone failed troll school then, as the number one rule of trolling is to not be known as a troll. Also, by acting in such manners as you have, you're just shooting yourself in the foot for future success.
Also, the general public on this site usually knows a thing or two, and stories with a very high dislike to like ratio have reasons as to why. I don't care how smart you claim to be, or whatever classes you're taking; writing is an art form that requires time and patience to nail correctly.
3062115 Yes, yes, I know all of this. And as for claiming to be a troll, I'm lying. I was never really trolling anyone in the first place, and this fic is gonna come out whichever way I want, and I'm gonna get better at story writing as I go. Which would probably mean that I should have mentioned to hold people's judgement on my OC until I go in-depth. Damn you retrospect
! Anyway, I'm glad that you don't give a damn about me or my personal life, as I'm simply coming up with this story as I go
. Thank you for your not-concern, and I will promise you that my story will turn out for the better, if you promise to hold judgement until then, 
mmkay?
3062270 Here's the thing; the first chapters need to GRAB the reader, and make them say, "Oh, this is a good story, I want to continue reading this.", not make them leave after one chapter. Stories that make promises of being better the further it gets are never read for long, as ninety-nine percent of them don't get better.
3062377 I'll consider what you said, and while I know the pre-story insight was boring as hell for pretty much all the readers, it's there for a reason. As for the 99 percentile you gave me, well,
Challenge Accepted
I liked the pre story insight.