- Member Since 10th Sep, 2016
- offline last seen Oct 26th, 2023
Celestial Ambience
"We're friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You jump off a bridge, I get on my boat and save your retarded ass."
Celestial Ambience
Joined 10th Sep, 2016 ·
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Okay, this is good, but did you have to genderbend Adam?
I can understand ponies, but humans or human-turned-ponies? It's just weird.
Not a bad start, give it a solid 6-7 out of ten. The pacing is ruff as hell though, I recommend you go back and try to give some depth to the environment your oc's live in, give some descriptive narration to some of the things and places in your universe. Draw out interactions between characters with inner dialog or thoughts said character has on conversations they are having or have had. Sad you are not comfortable turning the like/dislike bar on, I find it is a helpful tool in seeing how well your chapters are received. I hope you consider this review/comment, but its your story.
Definite upgrade in pacing since chapter 1, still would like to see some environmental narrative, but that is up to you. The gender bend I saw coming, but as long as it is properly executed I don't see any issue with it, just try to remember to make his reactions believable, it's a big change and people don't react well to big unwanted changes. I feel a great OOC disturbance in the force when it comes to Celestia and Luna, try to keep them true to themselves, it can only help you. I eagerly await the next chapter.
Is Adam going to get his dick back?
7674761 Thank you for your very thoughtful and informative review on my story! I'll try being more descriptive about my environments (something that I'm obviously not good at) and same with the inner dialog but it won't be very common. Probably, we'll have to wait and see. Adam's reactions in the second chapter are questionable but Adam is the type of person whose seen a lot of diabolical things during his time in Afghanistan and these things have changed him dramatically, therefore he's stopped caring about anything other than his sister as he wants to see her become successful rather than see himself successful. Lyna's reaction to becoming a pony may change as I probably forgot to do one for her and make it over the top. And for Celestia and Luna being OOC, they'll be like themselves usually on the outside but on the inside of Celestia's mind is the devil, but lesser. Luna's thou this and thou that will have to wait sadly, although, I am considering a rewrite but that'll not happen until I can clear up my schedule. Once again thank you for your review!
7675154 You'll see in the next chapter.
Edit: Shit, I couldn't get it in the chapter, oh well, but he does find a way. When? I dunno.
Honestly i think they should be switched. He seems to match luna more the Celestia.
7678064 Perhaps, by that very notion, They are placed exactly where they need to be?
I bet the first think everypony thinks is that they are changelings.
There were few typos, but it's pretty good begining.
can't wait for more
I really hope God will be a recuring character.
If they suddenly are Celestia and Luna I hope this isn't something like them with Luna and Celestia in their head.
Or that someone tries to force them to take their destiny. I would prefer a funny and loveable story right now.
I start reading later today.
I admit it may be because I'm not into that military stuff but I didn't exactly enjoyed the first chapter. the personality of him or both of them...well I can't exactly describe them, if he is maybe the typical fun guy/asshole or if they try to hard to be cool. However I feel like those would be overreactions.
Since I suddenly saw Celestia and Luna in the and I fear for the worst and believe that they are going to have them in their head. I really don't get what the exciting thing about that is. I mean lately only that is be done and not just a guy that turned into Celestia without any weird destiny (which is forcing him to be eactly Celestia and not himself, or that they are just that character now, without the worst of consequences.
No matter how bad that may sounds, I'm actually still pretty much interessted.
7674761 Yeah maybe that was why it looked a bit.....off to me.
I didn't hated it, but I probably sounded like that while trying to describe it.
7682516 Just so you know, Adam and Lyna will keep their personalities, they both just look like Celestia and Luna but a tiny bit smaller than them, but I assure you that they are all separate characters and there's no voice-in-the-head thing going on. Sorry if I wasn't very good at showing that.
please no, why isn't there a story without that feature anymore?
okay sorry if I doubted you, having two of them could be even better than what I had in mind.
I think I would prefer him using his magic for that instead of probably revealing his teats and everything else to others and somehow I'm just not in the mood for him standing as a not anthro this time.
1. Of course hes naked.
2. sooo he would look like a daugther of Celestia or just like her younger self right now? That would be nice, maybe having Celestia fixing his personality a bit. I mean he looks like a trouble maker somehow, and I guess I just suddenly want an adoption story.
Well okay I like this story so far, I can't exactly say what I think about his personality, his sister seems okay, but he is putting me off somehow.
7682578 Alright...so everything you've said is understandable. The magic won't happen as for now, they both only think that it's just a plain old horn sitting upon their foreheads. Humans have obviously never used magic so it will take time for them to find out, as of now they didn't even know that magic exists. Even though they've been sent into another universe. But they just go with it.
I'm sorry that you aren't in the mood for standing ponies but there will most likely be more standing in the future just so you know. If Adam gets some sort of robotic arms and legs to deal with standing as a pony? I do not know as that will be hard to explain as Equestria isn't very industrialized. Also, I have a thing for ponies standing and looking badass.
For what Adam looks like, he looks exactly like Celestia, from the ethereal mane to the cutie mark. The only difference is their personalities and Adam is shorter than Celestia but is hard to tell if you aren't observant.
Adam's personality is questionable but for someone who takes all of the burdens his sister has and has been to war multiple times, he's pretty random. Basically, a strange personality with a little Pinkie Pie added to it, not too much or he'll start breaking physics.
Anyway, thank you for your thoughts!
7682694
well yes, but like you said later maybe.
I'm probably getting used to it anyway after time, it feels like something that would only be annoying in the first moment.
Maybe you just change them into being some sort of well...maybe not exactly anthro but different? arrrg I know there was a picture of Derpy standing and having a weird shape in her forelegs. She had a body form that still made her look like a little pony, but her body was meant to stand on two legs. However I can't remember if it maybe even was the same or if she wore clothes that made her look a bit different. I'm just so used to them saying that their spine can't take the staying on two legs for too long.
aaahhh yes the war could be an explanation for that.....hhhmmm okay I try to look differently at him from now on.
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTJP10s3bn62RlmwZ1ss40tKrvev0CcgicyPgZLVcF8F2xpA6v9
that was the closest thing I found to what I actually meant right now.
7682555 naaah it's okay, I kind of start to see "the signs" if I read certain stuff. One could think the first storys I had to read on this site traumatized me a little bit
So it's safe to assume that Adam will be staying female?
Shouldn't Fluttershy knows about all that nature's rules shitz?
It is always annoying to see Fluttershy depicted as some fanatical and crazy animal lover...
7684018 Yeah, he/she ain't changing back sadly. Buuuut she's got ways to deal with that now. And gained few benefits that a guy wouldn't have. *wink wink*
Aggghh stupid cliffhanger
Nice chapter, The Flow is certainly evolving at a decent pace! I love the Parallels you are drawing between Celly/Lyna's Relationship and Celestia/Luna's relationship, I suspect it will be plenty of fun watching the two pairs interact and learning a little bit about themselves in the process!
Glad to see you turned on the Like/Dislike bar, That green must make you very proud!
As for your TimberPuppys name, I suggest Woody or Oakley.
Loved it! Can't wait for the next chapter!
I'm afraid I can't continue reading this. It seems too difficult for me to imagine Adam's change in voice and gender, since my mind still hears him as male.
I'm not saying there is something wrong with the story and I noticed the negativity in my last comment. It's my imagination and if the male character was originally male, my mind will still see that as male. If anything, my imagination is at fault here.
You are doing a good job, but I'm going to stop here now. Good luck with the story, and may the Light of the Sun guide you.
7684044 unfortunately I will not continue to read this story because of the gender change that doesn't mean that this is a bad story but I refuse to read anything with gender change I wish you a successful story
Loving the story so far, can't wait to see where it goes from here!
why do you still need the Human world? I'm affraid this is going to be some sort of Human VS Pony army story.
ooohhhh and it came just right for Halloween
I believe you need to look again, in several places it looks like you actually meant Adam, but you still made her talking with herself.
7684206
Finally someone who can just straight up say "no thanks dont like the story" instead of raging their ass off and hating on the author...
7684546 yet I still get 2 dislikes while the litterally previous comment which basically says the same thing has 1 like... oh well if people want to hate on my opinion, let them
That soldier defiantly deserved that.
But definately disagree with the name. Not that it needed changing but to choose one of Celestia's nicknames.
Do something original for name.
7684562
At least I was honest and explained my reasons.
7685708 if I were to explain my reasons it would sound too much like a rant so I chose not to do that but I just want this to drop so I'll just leave this here and not return
Timmy.
7685708 Indeed, If someone Can't explain their reasoning for Publicly disliking something and tries to simply state "It Would be to much like a Rant" Then it probably is a rant and your reasoning is fairly weak. Your Personal opinion and personal likes/dislikes should matter little in the critiqueing of a peice of literature it can be used as an aformentioned in your review, but a score or rating should be set in place based off the facts, such as; Is it grammaticly correct? Does it have good flow? Are the Characters actions/Thoughts/Speech believable? Is the world immersive? etc. At Least you showed the courage to explain why you did not like this story and even pointed to your self as the cause for such dislike. Thank you.
You are most welcome, 7689231. Even if I leave the story, I am the type of person who will give credit (or upvote) to the writer for trying as well as an encouraging comment to boost his confidence in writing for others who would still read it, unlike those who just dislike and not give a reason why.
I have nothing against gender change honestly. Hell, I read Universal Acceptance and it had one chapter of a stallion changing into a mare, and I still read that story, but there are certain limits I have for the concept, too, and a man turning into a mare is one of those limits, unfortunately. For some odd reason, I can imagine a genderbent stallion sounding like a mare, but humans? Not so much.
I still gave him my upvote originally.
Dog names for you.
Copper
Red (Redwood)
Wheatly
Maple
Pino
And that's all I got.
For now.
just to clarify they look like mini adults? or do they look like children version of the real 2?
cuz of the pic you have it can go either way
Fluttershy tried to suppress the barage (<- needs a 2nd r) of whimpers that were about to unleash, 'P-p-please don't s-see me,' fear crossed her face as the alicorn pulled out a knife from a sheath on his bulky vest, it glinting in the darkness. (shouldnt be her there or at less be it's)
Adam and was caught by (suprise Needs a R ) as Adam lunged (foward needs a R in there), driving the bayoneted
(really dont like your R's do you lol)
and the dog name should be
Cujo i think he would want to name the wolf after a dog that when't deadly in the small hope to try to keep a small part of his masculinity
7710380 I agree with him just in the time alone they would have to stop whatever they were doing just to fine out that fluttershy is not just pulling something out her ass, and see why fluttershy think shes trying to kill her and then move to the everfree and then find them all within a few hours at best. cuz we dont know how long time passed but since they didnt even cook the deer yet i dont think that much time as passed yet. i would think a small chapter would be put in for the next one showing the steps that the 2 sisters took to get there watching them like that but still the time to do all that would still be off unless you put some small time lapse or something to give yourself a better window to work with (if your going to show how tia and lulu got there)
I almost had to stop reading when Adam/Celly tramitized Fluttershy but the story is looking like it's going to redeem itself so can't wait for more.
She almost ended his life with a keyboard? Well, that would have been an interesting cause of death!
Hey, it's better than what I could draw. Nice chapter, though the cliffhanger ain't too fun.
what the shit is that cliffhanger...
-goes to summon Pinkamena Diane Pie-
I feel like the "pride" thing is a bit of a pander, I hope you did not give it back to her just appease some of the people who were against the whole gender bender idea...
Good picture at the end better then my drawings lol keep up the great work.
Aren't they smaller the Celestia and Luna though?