Original, obsolete, Mayor-as-antagonist version: A Signal Event
At precisely ten in the morning, Mayor Mare stood in her office on the top floor of Town Hall, staring at the "telephone" and waiting for it to ring.
Coils of black wires snaked around a grey metal armature tall enough for the gaping cone of a mouthpiece to look her in the eye. One other like it existed, in Twilight Sparkle's laboratory in Canterlot. The pair had been constructed there at great expense. Fortunately, Twilight had agreed that the castle should bear most of the cost. It had taken four earth ponies to pull the cart that carried this one from the train station in a wooden crate as large as a coffin. It looked like some giant insect ensnared in dead vines.
Twilight said that it would allow Ponyville to call on the castle for assistance or advice as quick as dragonfire. It would eliminate the confusion and inefficiency of administrating by correspondence. It didn't seem to have occurred to her that any local administrator might not be overjoyed to have a Canterlot princess looking over her shoulder, always ready with a helpful suggestion, marking off everything she did on a checklist from some unicorn's book.
The longer the thing went without the big brass bell mounted below the mouthpiece ringing, the more the mayor began to hope it might not work at all.
Of course, the blasted thing eventually rang, startling her into a little jump. Its wires began to glow a faint violet. She stepped forward to squeeze her head in between the twin cones of the mouthpiece and earpiece, trying not to touch any of the twitching wires which dangled around her like giant spider legs.
"HELLO? HELLO?" she shouted into the mouthpiece.
"Ow! You don't have to shout!" somepony said into her left ear.
Mayor Mare shied back and bumped her head on a bracket, then twisted her head to the side, looking for the other pony, before recognizing that the voice was Twilight's and it was coming from the machine. "Oh! Sorry, Princess." She rubbed the back of her head. "Goodness. I really heard you."
"Isn't it amazing?" Twilight's voice gushed, and the Mayor thought she heard a clop of hooves. "It's like being in the same room together!"
It was not merely like being in the same room together; it was like the other mare was whispering into her ear—a behavior the mayor found annoying in her husband, let alone in an already over-friendly mare.
"So," the mayor said. "It works."
"Yes!" Twilight agreed.
"Yes."
Silence.
"Congratulations. I was certain that it would."
"Oh, well, the principles are straightforward, I can't take credit for that. Just a simple modulation of induced ley lines. The demodulator was the sticking point, you know—"
"Really."
"Oh, yes! Of course there's more noise on the receiving end, but more importantly the power available is lower, so you can't simply drive the speaker with a transducer. You need a—well, a kind of gate that lets you use a small magical current to switch a larger one on and off."
"Oh."
"Yes."
Silence.
It dawned on the mayor that she had no idea how to end a telephone conversation. It was difficult enough to end a conversation with Twilight Sparkle in person, but there were things a pony could do—take a tiny step back, begin glancing to either side, angle one's hooves slightly away from the other pony. Even Twilight picked up on these hints eventually.
"Well, I imagine you're tremendously busy at the palace."
"No, not really," Twilight said. "I mean, yes, but I set aside some time for this."
"Really."
Silence.
"So how is everyone in Ponyville? Are they getting the harvest in at Sweet Apple Acres?"
The mayor sighed. "Just a minute." She stepped away from the phone and opened a filing cabinet, running her hoof over the yellow manila folders until she found the one she wanted and set it down on her desk. She glanced over it and then stepped back to the phone.
"They haven't filed their estimated taxes yet for the quarter, but they have submitted a permit application for a new outbuilding, 40 by 50 hooves, which I would assume is for increased storage capacity."
"No," Twilight said, "I just meant... How are they doing?"
"They are undertaking new construction, so I would assume they are expanding."
"No," Twilight said, "I mean... Are you getting ready for the Running of the Leaves?"
The mayor squeezed her eyes shut and counted to five. "Princess, I appreciate your concern, but I assure you that we in Ponyville still remember how to manage the seasons without your supervision."
"Oh, I know you do! I just meant... I didn't really mean anything. I just want to know what's happening."
"I sent out the last moon's report by airmail this morning. It has probably already arrived in Canterlot."
"That's not...."
The voice trickled off into silence, and the mayor wondered hopefully if some gizmo in the device might have burnt out.
"Well, how are you?" Twilight asked.
"I'm well, thank you."
"If you ever want to talk, you know, just call me."
"I'm sure you're very busy," the mayor said.
"Not too busy for you! Or anypony else from Ponyville who wants to talk. I'm right here."
"Miss Sparkle," the mayor pointed out, "this device is in the middle of my office. I can hardly have random ponies coming in off the street to chat through it."
"Oh. Of course. I mean, it had to be there, you know, it's the only building tall enough to have a direct line of sight, even besides you being the mayor and all."
Silence.
"Well," the mayor said, "this has been very exciting. It is a signal event in the history of Ponyville. I expect you will want to write an account of it, while your memory is fresh."
"I guess so."
"It was very nice talking to you, Princess."
"Was?"
"Yes," Mayor Mare said patiently, "it was."
"Um... does that mean... Wait!"
The mayor caught herself with one hoof up in the air already waving goodbye to the air. "Yes?"
"Could you do me a favor?"
"Of course."
"Could you ... hang the mouthpiece, the thing you're speaking into, out the window for a minute?"
"Out the window?"
"Yes."
The mayor looked about her office at the evenly-spaced windows along the outer wall. "Which window?"
"Any window," Twilight said. "I want to... check its reception."
The mayor walked to the nearest window and nudged it open. Then she went back to the machine, grasped the mouthpiece between her teeth, and pulled it to the window, carefully unwinding the snake-like cord connecting it to the machine from around a spool. She spat the mouthpiece out the window and it fell, dangling loosely on its cord a few hooves below. There was nothing to hear. The creak of a cart rolling by down below. The saloon doors clapping back together after somepony. A rooster crowing far away. A salespony's voice from the market, rising and falling as the wind shifted, saying something about cherries. Nothing.
She counted the death of each second as it passed, irrecoverable, while she stood there watching nothing happen, waiting on the Princess. She lost count after thirty, and her mind drifted to lazy days in her youth, when her time had been hers to waste. She was briefly seized with the mad impulse to pick up the mouthpiece and tell Twilight that Silver Script had repainted his storefront.
Fortunately, years of politics had taught her enough restraint to avoid making a fool of herself to a Princess. They both had their work to do. After a minute, she decided that the thing's reception must have been thoroughly checked. Rather than risk resuming the conversation, she hit the telephone's off switch, retrieved the mouthpiece and put it back in its socket, and closed the window. The clock on the wall said it was already a quarter past ten. She sighed, and returned to her desk, fifteen minutes further behind.
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Awwwww
*gallops to Canterlot, post-haste*
This is a BEAUTIFUL example of how much you can say between the (telephone!) lines. The poor sweet thing!
I'm a little surprised this isn't sad-tagged, with the sort of existential dissatisfaction it's showing off. In any case, I really liked it, and it definitely made me feel for Twilight. I think of the mayor as a bit more happy-go-lucky and a bit less hidebound, but she's a fairly minor character and it's not an interpretation that feels unnatural to me. Quite enjoyable.
I can sympathize with the Mayor here - I never really liked telephone conversations, either.
Gah! Its like Twilight Sparkle Makes a Cup of Tea's even more heartrending sequel!
Figures the Mayor can't figure out her princess is lonely.
3022732
Well, adorkable sad isn't really the same as 'hurt you' sad. She'll be okay, somepony will visit her. But, rgh, the feels!
So a homesick Twilight designs a device to have instant communication with Ponyville, it is decided that the best location to place it is Town-hall, but against Twilight's expectations Mayor Mare is either to dense to notice how Equestria's newest Princess feels or simply doesn't give a buck.
If Twilight is a princess shouldn't it have a Twilicorn Tag?
I agree with you that most ponies probably feel this way about the possibility that Twilight's micromanaging could be done over the phone. Oh, and the isolated, ivory tower cover art. It took a minute for me to catch that. The more I think about this, the more meaning I'm finding in it.
That's why I feel bad criticizing. It seemed like there were some jerky transitions in some places. I mean, it's only 1347 words. You could have easily polished it a little more.
3022767 Oops. Tagged.
3022768 But... there are no transitions. It's all one scene. What do you mean?
3022739 That's the nicest thing you could possibly say.
3022789 Transitions between paragraphs. It felt rough. I'm struggling to find a better way to put it into words, so maybe it's actually nothing. Also, I went back and edited my previous comment to include more praise.
It's sweet I liked it, error I think?
Coils of black wires snaked around a grey metal armature tall enough for the gaping cone of a mouthpiece to look her in the eye. One other like it existed, in Twilight Sparkle's laboratory in Canterlot. The pair had been constructed there at great expense. Fortunately, Twilight had agreed that the *the* castle should bear most of the cost. It looked like some giant insect ensnared in dead vines.
Princess Twilight Sparkle at her most efficient!
O, that our own similar system had been designed with such forethought! I would dearly love to be able to place outgoing calls with the knowledge that there wouldn't be any calls incoming. (Not that I would actually place them, mind you; only that I would love to be able to.)
interesting little tid bit of a story.
I think that this is a good example of show, don't tell. Even though you're describing Twilight's implementation of a new technology, and testing it out, you still get a sense of her loneliness and isolation, not only by how the phone conversation plays out, but by the simple fact that she set up a communication device in Ponyville.
I mean, all of Equestria got along just fine without instant communication this long, and Twilight made it seem simple enough (for her, anyway) to implement. She could have just as easily invented it in ponyville, but only felt the need to when she was separated from the best friends she ever had. that's whats makes this whole story tic. Not sadness, but this sort of vague, subtle hunger for a friendly voice.
I like that Mayor Mare calls her Princess but thinks Twilight. It's a nice touch.
This is a good capturing of isolation through a change in status. I'm not entirely sure why Twilight feels (or is) trapped in Canterlot and unable to come down to Ponyville, but that doesn't really detract.
It is the good.
Canterlot? But didn't Princess Twilight move to The Crystal Empire?
Well if you wanted to make us sad for Twilight, you certainly succeeded with me.
I like the way you handled the "first telephone conversation". Along with the strong impression of Princess Twilight missing Ponyville, it definitely showed the limits of Mayor Mare's gratitude towards Twilight in her lack of patience and unwillingness to express significant empathy. Then again, Twilight herself could easily have helped that along, which is a question posed by the story as well as others.
I enjoyed this, but now I feel like Twilight needs a hug from Ponyville after that conversation!
EDIT: Having worked in big telecom for a while - and my older brother as well in switch ops for much longer - this one kind of resonated with me.
A good read. I liked the sparse and lonely feel.
Or, to put it another way:
"Miss mare — come here — I want to see you."
Gaah, now that I know what to look for, this is one of the saddest stories I've read for MLP:FiM
Back in Ponyville, Twilight was loved for her caring personality and respected for her intelligence and leadership. Now that she's a Monarch in the Royal City, she must have arrogant nobleponies kissing up to her every day. She must really, really miss the town where she had a normal life with real friends. Out of desperate loneliness, she calls up the only pony who can keep her in contact with her beloved Ponyville.
All said pony can think is: "Oh great, our newest Princess can't keep her nose out of our businesses and thinks only she can manage things here" and apparently being homophobic, regardless of what Twi's preferences are
Poor Twilight must think no one in Ponyville even cared that she was ever there
I really want to imagine somepony sneaking into the Mayor's office and placing a formal call to Princess Twilight, formally requesting a formal meeting with her (The over usage of "formal" in intentional, yes) and then, upon meeting her in person, breaks down and tells her Ponyville misses her and wishes she would visit sometime....at which point she does, because that's what she was hoping to hear
Phone conversations are awkward because they're like a face to face conversation but without the mutual distractions of a card game or going to get another beer or watching the other patrons at a restaurant. So dead air goes unfilled and is just dead air, and as you grow further apart (or maybe weren't very close in the first place) there is more and more dead air until eventually you forget each other's number.
Riddle me this. The first and only chapter says that it has 1,372 words.
And yet the total word count says '1,346 words total'.
Explain plz.
3030586 I was editing it while you were reading it. Also, I'm magic.
3030612 And now that I reload the page the word count has been fixed.
3039058 You're right. I imagined a kind of character arc for the Mayor, but it didn't end up on the page.
Also, it still wasn't sad enough.
New version going up now, and it's just past the magic 2500 mark for EqD. I hope the length doesn't suck it dry. It's a little more telly now. Can't hit 2500 words otherwise, though.
ADDED: Bleah. Losing focus. Not happy with the third version, & neither is Ghost. Wanted those 2500 words and EQD, but it might not happen.
3037753 You're right too. I may be getting in a rut.
So, basically this world's Mayor is a typical politician.
Not sad at all, really. Just reality.
As for the phone thing, most ponies walk on eggshells around the Princesses as it is. Heck, face to face, they tend to fall to the ground in terror half the time.
If anything, I'd expect talking on a phone to remove some of the tension.
WAAH.
I'm not a fan of this version. Mayer Mare was a jerk, and she didn't appear to have a half-decent reason for such.
Despite the story being told from Mayor's POV, I felt this was more of a Twilight story. I sensed she was reaching out to Mayor Mare for help and instead completely apathetic. Or just ignorant. Or both. She is a politician.
It's the irony of technology. It does not bring us together. Only keeps us apart. Yet it is a necessary evil in this world.
7215768
Yes, Twilight's the sympathetic character. The Mayor feels threatened by her in this version.
If you believe that, then what does this website do? The brony community is based on a television show distributed over fiber-optic cable, the Internet, and DVDs, and meets mainly on websites and on Skype.
7218072 Perhaps. But Twilight seems to think that the telephone will bridge the gap between her and her subjects. It only shows just how great the gap has become. Its not the same as actually being there, seeing, hearing, smelling, feeling.
Shes become detached and attempting to use technology to reconnect with other ponies.
Ah, the first one still feels so awkward and melancholy, it's perfect.
And we're still not going to read the other.