Be kind. For everyone you meet, life is a hard battle.
Pathfinder has a gift and a curse. He can, at times, fly between worlds. The first world he discovered was filled with love. The second world was filled with poison. In all of Equestria, in all of the Realm Undying, is there no safe place for him?
Cover art by AnanduKune, with permission.
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I wrote this for Equestria Daily's "Nightmare Night" event. I'll be honest, I'm not comfortable with "pony horror." But I thought it was time at last to finish this story and let others judge.
I'm breaking all of my self-imposed rules here. "Pathfinder" is a self-insert. I hope no one will think I am trivializing the terror of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Seriously, it was hell to live with. I'm fine now, but there was a time in my life when I collected weapons and carefully considered what booby-traps I could set around my house.
I vowed to never do crossovers, and yet here I find Pathfinder moving from world to world, from his home, to G3 Ponyville and to... well, the next land.
I admit I'm not very good at writing horror stories. But this is my own, personal horror story.
A sad crossover by Cloud Wander? What is this madness?
3309463
Well, it's about Nightmare Night and the things that haunt us. I'm just glad to get this story out of my system, frankly.
3309502 I'm eager to see what you do with it. Don't hold back. Were you in the military? I just asked my 700 closest friends and minions to follow you, despite the appalling lack of evil in your stories.
This story. It pleases me. Looking forward to more.
When I saw this on the new story list I thought it sounded interesting and put it on my read later list (probably to be forgotten about
), but then I saw Bad Horse's blog post and decided to read it now. I'm glad I did. I really enjoyed reading through this and am looking forward to more.
3309592
No, I was never in the military. I think this is one reason I was hesitant to tell this story. Some of us just grow up in a war zone. Writing a ponyfic about PTSD was hard. It was not my intent to mock or belittle anyone that has struggled with this.
I am interested, in many things.
3309782
I remember compulsively checking for my weapon for nearly a year after my second deployment. Every time I would step outside I would reach across my body with my right hand, to where my rifle would have been slung were I still wearing a two-point harness. The feeling that something is missing where is it only lasted for a piece of a second, and half the time I already knew how silly it was before I even finished the motion. But still, for almost a year that vague sense stalked me every time I stepped outside a door.
Impressive beginning, here. I look forward to seeing where it all goes.
3311862
Thank you. That sense that something is missing, even if fleeting, haunts me to this day.
this is...
fascinating.
the more I read, the more interesting it is, but I have to wonder- is this the story about him jumping between worlds, or about him in THIS world? A creature tainted by cruelty and anger, and how he lives in a world of peace and light? It will be... interesting to read, regardless.
3314211
It's mostly about about Pathfinder struggling to adjust to a world in which he is no longer under constant threat. To survive in his previous world, he had to develop certain skills and instincts, none of which serve him in the Equestria of MLP:FIM. I don't want this to be a story about the things done to him. I want this to be a story about his understanding of the awful things he has done to others, and may still do now.
On a personal level, I spent the first half of my life under constant threat. I have spent the second half trying to understand that, yes, at last, I'm safe. It's a hell of a way to live, let me tell you.
Thank you.
In case it's not incredibly obvious, Pathfinder leapt from G3 Ponyville to khat's Fallout: Equestria. "D." is, of course, Ditzy Doo, who, in my imagining, is Derpy's sister.
The "one little pony" that Pathfinder mentions is LittlePip, of course, the most astonishing heroine in all of pony fiction.
This was the hardest story I've ever written. Pathfinder is more or less me, in the first half of my life. Perhaps I can finally leave him behind.
3315295
Actually, I thought it was a bit ambiguous, whether D. came from Fallout Equestria or not.
Don't get me wrong, I got the reference immediately, but I think this slight shade of uncertainty actually helps the story as a whole.
Woah.
I was definitely wondering last chapter if his zebra issues were FOE related.
In the middle of Pathfinder and his PTSD, this is the line that breaks my heart.
3309592
I think that's my new signature: "Cloud Wander: an appalling lack of evil."
At the risk of completely missing the point of this story: the "Steven Magnet: Manticore Mediator" scene was utterly charming. That sort of casual mythologizing is always a joy to read. (It also keeps adding more dimensions to the story the longer I think about it. Here's Pathfinder worried about not fitting in to this world because he's a monster, and here are actual monsters being all civil about the process of carnivorous murder — and on one hoof that shows just how out of place he is, but on the other hoof, no matter how thick the veneer of civilization current-Equestria puts over it, the world cannot discard the things that he beats himself up over. The difference is that Pathfinder's self-aware of his own monstrosity. Doesn't that put him higher on the ethical ladder than the ones whose politeness masks their acceptance of the blood on their claws? …)
After all that, we reach Zecora, and the point of this story really hits home.
I'm sorry that you had to survive the experiences that brought this story about; I wish I could offer more than words of sympathy. But one silver lining to that dark cloud is that from trauma does come powerful art.
By all rights, that last scene shouldn't have worked to finish the story. But it did. It's just such a perfect note of quiet, accidental salvation. Sometimes the things that affect us the most come from somewhere we never would have expected.
I wish Pathfinder and yourself the best. As 3315280 said, thank you.
3320273
Thank you, Horizon.
Cloudy!
This is so cool!
3320273
In that last scene, I had two purposes:
One, after all this world-jumping, I wanted to firmly ground the ending in the MLP:FIM universe.
Two, I suggested that Rainbow Dash is close to the power to breach worlds. (Double Rainboom). This makes Pathfinder's "knack" a bit more plausible, in the MLP:FIM universe. (And what about Megan? We are close to Equestria Girls questions, here.)
3320273
That, horizon:
Is a phrase to conjure with, and it fits the story here so very well. Lovely stuff, CW, as always.
Mike
You have captured my interest.
This was absolutely facinating. I thank you for this given look into your life.
Who am I, that you are mindful of me?
I'm not sure what to make of this reference.
3404004
It is a statement of humility when confronted by other-worldly grace. Psalm 8:
3404101
I recognized that.
Wow. So in your universe, does Steven pre-date Celestia and Luna?
3431049
Yes, very much so. Stephanos Eridanos Magnus was a lord of the Old Lands long before the coming of ponykind. As the domain of the ponies has grown, due to the subtle magics of the Earth Ponies, the Wild has been diminished, and so Steve has become a bit eccentric. But he remains a figure of importance in the lands beyond Equestria.
3431092
Now I have the mental image of him tutoring/babysitting the young princesses. And telling some of the nastier things in the Everfree that if they harm the princesses, they'll have to answer to Big Steve.
What percentage of the known world is Equestria?
3499083
What percentage of the known world is Equestria?
Who knows? This is one of those questions that drives writers like me crazy. Back in Season Two, "The Secret of My Excess," there was much excitement when Spike collected a globe. THE WORLD IS ROUND, HUZZAH! We just couldn't take anything for granted.
Equestria, at this point, seems like a country or continent of a larger world. But even that hardly seems to address the issue.
Does the "known world" include the Sky Realms like Cloudsdale (that are weirdly mobile)? Do we really know the extent of the Everfree? The Badlands? The Griffon Lands? The Lands Below (Tartarus and the underworld of the Diamond Dogs and Quarray Eels)?
What percentage of the known world is Equestria? I laugh. Do we even know the "known world" at all?
3404004
King James Bible: What is man, that thou art mindful of him? Pathfinder has his near encounter with Princess Celestia, but rather than feel exalted, he's reminded of his own wretchedness. I know this feeling every day.
3431049
In my canon, "Steve" is Treebeard. He's been alive since forever and witnessed his domain, the Wild Lands, shrink as the magic of friendship has spread across Equestria. Steve was Celestia and Luna in the Old Lands and he still knows the Old Names. In my imagining, Steve may seem foolish and childlike, but there is still something fierce in his heart.
5057226
Oh, I understood where it was from. I simply found its placing in this story interesting.
Oh wow. You're amazing.
One of those underviewed, underrated story gems.
I am way into this. :D I have needed this for a while.
Shit, he's even been to the Wasteland? You are too good to me!
Marvelous!