- Member Since 30th May, 2013
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
Duelist96
Retired writer of almost anything. Lover of RariDash and background ponies.
Duelist96
Joined 30th May, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Duelist96 · 297k words · 726 221 · 22k views
- Trillionaire Doge · 78k words · 500 102 · 15k views
- Marine King · 154k words · 477 67 · 9.1k views
- SonicBlitz18 · 52k words · 708 123 · 7.3k views
- last of delta1 · 58k words · 291 70 · 7.2k views
- FlutterDash2534 · 41k words · 235 26 · 5.5k views
- Drakalian · 210k words · 527 125 · 13k views
- UNITLuna004 · 10k words · 155 22 · 1.3k views
Featured In26
Clopfics11,552 stories ·15,818 members
Human in Equestria16,991 stories ·16,836 members
The Writers' Group56,458 stories ·9,300 members
Sensual Fiction (SFG)1,192 stories ·1,724 members
Art for Fanfiction213 stories ·5,171 members
Humans falling in love with ponies.2,412 stories ·6,074 members
NSFW3,939 stories ·1,376 members
I Just Want a Comment15,721 stories ·3,674 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.708 seconds
Total duration
822 users online
647,263 hits today, 2,782,760 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Could use some spit shine editing but otherwise it seems good to me lots of potential
Ha, nice
Its kinda hard to keep up with so many characters that are OC my limit is three or four if the writer implements it well enough.
3729763
I kind of wanted to give myself a little challenge. I will put little notes to show which character POV it is on at the moment.
Kinda fast paced with a few grammar errors. Other than that, it's good.
This has potential to be a very good story, but I have a few suggestions. First, slow down! Add some more details, descriptions of places, stuff like that. Secondly, use some commas! They really help with the flow of the story.
You have a good premise, just needs a little work!
woah, ten people in equestria. That was a nice story I give you a like, a brohoof, and a potatoe, keep up the good writing my friend
this is good keep it up
This almost screams self-insert daydream. Your pacing was horrendous, switching from slower than dial-up to 'I want to finish writing this chapter in the next ten minutes.' The characters are as bland as your descriptions and despite only being four thousand words, it felt like it droned on for hours.
Step back, take a deep breath, and decide if you want to write a story or just think about it. There are a number of useful sites to improve your writing skills. In fact, there's actually a great guide right here on the site.
This has much potential. If it were me, I would split it up into different chapters for each character POV. That is just a suggestion though.
Give me more!!!!!
has a chance but... you write like a play by play instead of a story
awesome my friend
This is truly awesome
This is great! YEAH DOCTOR!
This story is made of pure win.
Fucking ponies
Is James going to be in this?
3845408
No he will not. The ten OCs in this story are only some but James will not show up.
3845364
What?
Nice chapter. I can't wait for the next ones!
I was almost expecting Marcus to spit in the guards face, oh THAT would have made a scene
3845425 Just what I said, fucking ponies. I hate them
3845820
I'm confused. Do you still like the story or do you not like it anymore?
3845875 Oh no, I love it. I hate ponies tho
Cliff Hangers!
Doing good so far, keep it up! Also, you write my OC really well. I'm glad that I made the right choice
Bro Hoof to ya
Good job again,Duelist!Another great chapter!
Oh man, the shit will hit the fan soon because of that last part!
Damn good chapter sir!
Derp.
“The greatest purpose that this could serve, we are going to get our friends back and be happy like we used to be.”
Does that mean they will lose their powers?
I need MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did Marcus, Andrew, Luke and Blake lose their powers?
3909151
No you can't lose infection powers.
3909165
That is nice!
They could do so many good things with them!
Yea acid touch and giant claw hand are great to be had in a mostly peacful world. -buster
Not only did Celestia decide to split them up, now she will watch them through her guards. This could not possibly get any worse. And what was that about Tartarus? Good chapter by the way!
3941629
Tartarus is their version of hell
Love this so far but that expirement part was dark as heaffle. Keep going! -buster
3941670
I know that, but was she threatening to send them to Tartarus if they refused?
3941803
Yes.
3941860
I see. They never got to return their less-human friends to a more-human state at all.
3941880
It' going to be a building process. Relationships form at different times.
3941996
Oh, and will they see each other at some parts?
3942030
Yes.
3942129
Thank you for the answers, this story is betting better and better! Keep up the good work!
This is why I fucking hate Celestia. She is a massive control bitch
I just realized that no one is staying with Rarity
now this is surprising
3946418
Just wait because I think some people will find the relationships interesting.