- Member Since 30th May, 2013
- offline last seen 47 minutes ago
Duelist96
Retired writer of almost anything. Lover of RariDash and background ponies.
Duelist96
Joined 30th May, 2013 ·
Offline
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First! I can't wait for the time to read this!
And you get mad at me for my clop titles and chapter names.
8319696
I regret nothing.
Great fic as always
That chapter title, that's true art, I could weep.
OMG I just don't know what to say in a time like this... 10/10
As much as I enjoyed this
, I couldn't get over the title or the thought of what the child would look like. 
Good work, though! 9/10
8319868
Not going to lie, I didn't realize what my titles did for a bit, and when I realized, I decided to roll with it. I enjoy it way too much, though.
As for child(ren), they would come out pony.
Glad you like it.
that was great! i cant wait to read about them having foals duel!
Later as Celestia sets her sun and Luna raises her moon Applejack approaches the barn and upon finding it locked she bangs on the door shouting, "Is there somepony in there!
Getting no reply she hollers to Big Mac to run over with the key and upon unlocking it the two of them are instantly assaulted by the smell. Their eyes shortly fall upon the barns occupants and their jaws drop in unison.
"What in tarnation?!"
Smiling smugly Mac says, "Ya owe me 20 bits."
8319898
That's hilarious.
8319896
That requires a sequel, and that is most likely to not happen.
8319902
awww!
He got tasted by the rainbow xD
Great! Loved the pic when I first saw it and love the story too. I was half expecting Applejack to pop in at the end to accept Rainbow's challenge on superior foals.
Don't worry, Rainy. I'll give you the human dicking you desire.
I'd love to see Rainbow's face
ifwhen it turns out that the "nice mare" is Applejack.media.giphy.com/media/vqfqs9LcFOSyI/giphy.gif
She wants the D.
cdn.meme.am/cache/instances/folder157/500x/64584157/beavis-and-butthead-hehhehhe-she-said-cum.jpg
Future Matt would die a horrible death at Applejack's hooves.
8320087
I did it just for you. I knew you would have something to say about it.
Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. The "mare" might not even be a mare but a stallion.
Always time for some gentle intimacy.
There is a "D" in her name.
I still don't regret it.
All Matt has to do is point Applejack to the strawberry loving mare and he'll be just fine.
damn Pusspuss and his fucking great Cover Arts
I noticed it says chapter 1, now I have to read it tomorrow, but I hope that means there is some sort of real story going on or at least a bit more than just the sex itself, I love it if there is a good story beside that most of the time.
8320155
There is about a tiny bit of story before leading to the sex in this entire thing. Other than that, this is about all that is made. What you're seeing is more of just my titling ways to make things easier to work with and find.
8319898
What in impregnation?*
Woooow. That was some of the best Rainbow clop I've seen in a long time. Great job
-Dark
I came... To read this story...
Then I came in my pants.
Good work!
8320475
And the academy would not like to thank you.
almost on the same level of xenophilia!!!
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/e1/02/a0/e102a0a75d4ff33ef835d02a302062bf.jpg
8320597
I miss that show so much.
Good on ya mate!
You managed to squeeze nearly every clop fic cliche into a single oneshot but it seemed to work. Nice one.
Well that's it for Rainbow, is the weather lookin'... Cloudy for your next effort?
...
...
...
A couple of things I can critique.
The last sentence makes no sense. The second through fourth paragraphs are redundant in the sense you're laying out reasons for them to eat at this joint.
There's an adage when writing that "Don't explain to your readers what the characters should be able to tell." There needs to be a good balance of narrative and dialogue in most stories. This would have been great dialogue point to explain the situation and give the readers a feel for your characters.
Over saturation of info here. Why do we care if two hayburgers was her usual? Do we need to know that Matt was pleasantly surprised that Equestria knew of root beer? Should it matter that the salad there was healthier than what you could get at McDonald's? Basically if it's not relevant, don't worry about it.
I'm not getting down your story. Those were just things that I think could be improved upon.
I made it to the clop scene and stopped reading about half way through it. It just read so
boringly and uninteresting. Heck I skipped through much of the pre-sex parts because they too just felt uninteresting. Was it the puss puss flagging that got this story so much attention? Because I have read much better. Also the constant Matt this and Matt that was very annoying to keep seeing.
Well, that escalated quickly. I mean, I know Rainbow's fast, but damn if that wasn't a new speed record
Then again, Ken was really dense here. Just like most guys. Hell, I can relate to that myself. Oh well, a night of a lot of fun, with many more to come for those two!
8321030
I'd have to agree with you on these. It's a matter of condensing information and "showing" the audience, rather than "telling" them. It's like watching a movie (showing), verses being blindfolded and having someone narrate it to you (telling).
Things like;
can be fixed to say:
And;
8320366
Veni, vidi, veni?
This cover art seems NSFW. I know, that's the point, just saying.
The whole stallions-bad-at-sex-and-men-are-sex-gods trope was my only real problem with it. Like, I get that it's based off of real horses not lasting long, but that's because they don't mate for pleasure and instead only the end result. It's part of sapience that we start seeking pleasure in sex, and an extension of that is prolonging the experience. Saying ponies don't last long because of their baser relatives lack of stamina is like saying humans don't last long because neither do chimps.
8321536
Very good note.
8321452
I was just thinking that yea.
8321536
That is inaccurate. The duration of copulation has little to do with "having sex for pleasure", as a few species are known to do, and is mostly independant to that species. For example in humans, the avarage is 5.4 minutes (though it can range from 33 seconds to 44 minutes), while snakes will go for several hours at least -- a pig's orgasm can last for thirty minutes. There is a lot of variety when it comes to sex in the animal kingdom, so I would just be glad for what we have.
8319900
Thank you.
I'm disappointed in you Duelist.
But damn. Top UnfNice to see you at the top of the box. I'll top off your box 😘
8322282
You and along with everybody else should be.
8322285
You can top off my box once you stop playing Widowmaker and Pharah forever.
8320366
That particular artwork of yours has certainly had a stimulating effect in more ways than one of late.
This is what? The second story in about two weeks now?
I'd say that this was a COLORFUL story, but the cover art is black and white.
8322845
really? that joke was so punny it almost seemed like a Pigment of my imagination
8323033
Oh, why don't you just SKITTLE off somewhere else?
8323257
Ow don't be blue puns are good for people you know. It's CYANTIFICALY proven.