FlutterDash2534
Joined 28th Jun, 2013 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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write more so awesome XD
i like to see more
What a great start. I'm looking forward to what happens in the next chapter.
more please
Great start but would you like an editor?
2864836 agreed their is some mistakes in this (haha just noticed a day later I used the wrong "their" in telling you that you made some mistakes *there)
Not bad, cliche, but not bad)
I think if you will get an editor it can get better.
I really like the story
can't wait for more 
2867520 Is it paragraph spacing, indentions, mispelling...??
I noticed that you have not given credit to the artist shepherd0821 on Deviant Art. Be sure to link stuff out, his artwork is amazing.
And since I'm here, I may give your story a try.
Great story so far please continue it PLEASE !!!!
2872424 8 sure no problem
2871871
run on sentence.
it's were not we're
it's here not her.
Ok these are three I found. There may be more, but this was as far as really wanted to go. If you want I could proof read your stories idk. Anyways I did this on my phone and didn't really want to go back and forth proof reading the entire chapter. Mainly cause it is tedious.
2872991 thanks for the info I'll correct that soon
Story is written weirdly in my opinion, will not lie, but it's still a good story, just a little hard for me to read, though noticed a few grammatical errors, mainly with quotation marks
I like the story, fix a couple grammar mistkaes here and their and youll be fine!
Update please !!!!!!
I literallly search for a good six minutes to find the song on my ipod that said that . Which that song is "Get My Rope"
2936494 Funny thing about that is thats the song I took it from
2937694 yeah I thought so bit to much of a coincedence BALLOON PARTY IS AWESOME
"That escalated quickly" is a
Massive.
Fucking.
Understatement.
Great chapter! Looking forward to the next!! =p
I just dont even anymore...
2941192 the more random it gets the bettor i say.haha
“You switched my bed!! How the… who…the… Oh for the love of Luna I give up” said Brennan
2964915 At that point my reaction would have been something like this.
*reads chapter 2*
"The awkwardness is strong with this one..."
Also you have alot of minor grammar mistakes, like putting an end quote (") at the end of dialogue or not putting any at all when it is ( I think) needed. Also I find it fine they are shouting for all caps but don't put triple exclamation points (!!!) all the time. When they are yelling and asking a question at the same time just put one of each (ex:What?!) That's all I have so far, otherwise nice story!
So far so good I dont know if it feels rushed though
....why did she punch him in the face? That was very uncalled for...why?!?
2994095 Rainbow Dash: B
Fluttershy: A
Rarity: D
Pinkie Pie: B
2964915 TO SUGAR CUBE CORNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dude the next chapter should be their magic duel and later on they should learn that the 2 have magic
3147729 Who's knows maybe, maybe not
"I fear for the girls because our time is coming up and I don’t wanna know what we might do to everypony, especially these guys."
the estrus is upon them
oh boy
about goddamn time. Awesome chap by the way.
Brace yourself, estrus is coming. XD
And let the shenanigans begin!
Biggest chap I've seen you do keep er coming
Can I perhaps borrow that raven book, who dosn't want ravens powers
i completely forgot about the fake doctors till now
WOW 1,000 Views!!!!!
Thank you Bronies and Pegasisters soooo much for the support!!!!
My view of Greg:
imgs.tuts.dragoart.com/how-to-draw-shaggy_1_000000000267_3.jpg
My imagination of Brennan's shocked face:
1.bp.blogspot.com/_IBLssL0AxmA/R7RMTxaLmVI/AAAAAAAAAKk/jrV0bD2yTKA/s400/naruto_shocked.gif
Feels rushed. Also passed out from a twisted ankle or a broken hand what pusscakes.
Finally, after months of waiting. We get a new chapter.
Apparently Fluttershy is a ninja in this story.
I can dig it.
yay finaly a new chapter; those boy's have their work cut out for them cant wait for the next one keep up the fantastic work
Most of your mistakes seem to be the normal ones you tend to make when writing: a few misspelled words, words missing. The strangest was the use of tense at the beginning. It started the story in third person perspective but with current tense instead of past tense. Otherwise this was a good first chapter.
So after almost being violently murdered, it's just a "oh it's ok, just a misunderstanding, all's well that ends well?" kind of outcome? Fucking seriously? Alright well I guess I'm done with this story, had a good run, but I am just not ok with how that entire scenario was handled. Not just that he was completely ok with almost being murdered, as well as the fact that they didn't regret it at all. Mostly the fact that he didn't even TRY to defend himself. So I'm done, best of luck with your future endeavors.