I Can Be Lonely If She's Happy
"Today's the day," Thunderlane said to the bathroom mirror. "Today's the day that I ask her out!" he shouted exuberantly, pumping a hoof in the air.
"But, first, I need to go buy her some roses. Hmm, maybe I'll buy a bouquet of flowers that have the colors of the rainbow, to match her mane!" Thunderlane exclaimed to his reflection. "Yes, that'd be perfect! I'll just stop buy a flower shop on the way over there, pick out a bouquet of flowers, and then head over to her house. Or should I buy a vase?"
He scratched his head. "Eh, I'll just go with a bouquet, keep it simple."
"Wait... Did I just have a full conversation with a mirror? I guess it's true, love really does drive a stallion crazy." Thunderlane said with a small chuckle.
He shook his head, and left his bathroom, letting the door slam behind him. He walked out the front door of his cloud home, debating whether or not he should buy her chocolates. Hmm, couldn't hurt, I'll be in town anyways. Besides, mares love chocolate.
Then, he descended from his home, and towards Ponyville, the town that the mare he loved called home.
***
Thunderlane walked out of the flower shop, a bouquet with an assortment of flowers of all the colors of Rainbow Dash's mane in one pocket of his saddlebag and a heart-shaped box of chocolates in another. He checked to ensure that they were secure, and wouldn't fall out when he took off.
He squinted his eyes at the side of the saddlebag containing the flowers, and decided to pull the strap tighter on them. He then did the same with the other side. He gave a quick nod and a smirk, satisfied that nothing would fall out during his flight.
Then, he took off towards Rainbow's cloud mansion, a magnificent feat of pegasus ingenuity. He remembered helping construct that home, and it wasn't easy. Rainbow had requested every single inch of that place to be item-proofed; meaning that nothing that she set in, or on the small space around, her home would fall through, plummeting toward Ponyville.
If he knew anything about cloud homes, and he did, it was that something that massive had to have cost a ton of bits. Typically, cloud homes only have a few areas that were item-proofed, namely shelves and dressers.
But, then again, Rainbow was pretty well-paid as the weather supervisor for Ponyville. Not to mention that bonus she got when Ponyville was chosen to provide the water for Cloudsdale in preparation for the rainy season. Plus, she did have several friends that weren't pegasi.
Thunderlane finally spotted the mansion, and started flying at top speed to get there.
"Wait, I shouldn't seem to eager... Maybe I'll just fly at a normal speed," he said to himself, slowing down to his original speed. But, he longed to be there in that home, with the mare of his dreams.
He didn't want to just be a coworker and a friend, he wanted to be so much more than that. He wanted to be able to comfort her when she was sad, wanted to be able to ensure that she would never feel lonely again.
Thunderlane was very close to the mansion now, and took some time to ensure that his mane was fine. Then, he got out the bouquet of flowers and the heart-shaped box, putting one in each forehoof. He took a deep breath, and started to fly the final yards there.
Then, he saw something through one of the windows of the cloud mansion. The mare of his dreams, Rainbow Dash, was kissing another mare. The mare had a pink mane and tail, with a light yellow coat, and three pink butterflies for a cutie mark.
His jaw dropped, and his hooves fell limp to his side. The bouquet of flowers and heart-shaped box both plummeted to the ground. He didn't watch them fall, though. He was too busy watching his dreams shatter.
They broke the kiss, and he noticed that Rainbow Dash looked happy. Happier than he had ever seen her in his life. But, his eyes stung.
It may have only lasted a few seconds, but it felt like eternity to him. He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t think he could do anything, other than just face the facts. He then knew that he would never be with her. He would never be able to feel what that pink-maned mare had just felt, he would never be able to comfort Rainbow when she felt alone, or sad. He would never be that pony.
He had to leave, it hurt too much to see the two mares together. He flew away from there, as fast as he could, fighting to hold the tears back. A single tear broke out of his eye while he was flying, running down his cheek briefly, and then getting blown off.
***
Thunderlane was at a pond inside of a community park. He was alone, though, and he was fine with that. He was just staring into his reflection, struggling to stay strong, struggling to not cry.
Of course, it was futile, and a few tear drops struck the water, causing it to ripple, blurring his reflection. Eventually, the reflection went back to normal, and he stared into his face again, his mind running rampant.
He looked around, and noticed the bouquet of flowers and heart-shaped box, which was broken, lying near a bush on the side of the lake. It stung him even more.
He couldn't keep the tears back, allowing more to fall onto the surface of the water. Again, he watched his reflection come back to visibility. He took a deep breath.
"Well, I can be lonely if she's happy, after all..."
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Ug. The feels~
2963812 You caught the reference!
2963816
2963791 Heh, sorry.
Short, sweet (or decidedly not sweet) and well written. Well done.
2963964 Thank you!
Nice story. It is a good view on the situation, one anyone can take to heart. If you truly love someone you should be more than willing to suffer for them.
Now, that being said, I have a few pointers as to how you can make this good story better. If you don't mind my advice, that is.
First of all is this line:
This one is a simple fix and is also the only thing keeping me from liking this story. Have "or not" twice is most likely just a slip of the mind or fingers. Just take one of them out and the like shall be yours!
My other advice is something simple that is fixed with practice. You tend to start a fair few sentences with the words "then" and "but." While it is not strictly necessary to avoid these words to start a sentence, if it happens too often it makes the writing appear at a lower quality than it could be. The former can be fixed by replacing it with what the character is doing. For example, in the line "then, he descended from his home, and towards Ponyville, the town that the mare he loved called home," you could replace "then" with something like "smiling to himself."
Anyway, this was an enjoyable story and I wish you the best of luck in your future writings.
2964258 Thank you for the criticism! I fixed that double 'or not' situation, it was a typo.
2964282 No problem. I find it enjoyable when someone acctually takes my advice, rather than getting mad at me for pointing out minor errors in their stories. Some people like to think that they are perfect.
I digress. I have granted you your like.
Have a wonderful day.
2964296 Of course! I need all the help I can get!
2965000 Then stay tuned, my friend. I have two on-going multi-parters, and I'll probably do more (along with one-shots) in the future. I'm glad that you enjoyed it!
Some things just never get old. Never ever.
24.media.tumblr.com/a257ad5165644b1f79354634dfdee284/tumblr_mqo61uYbwk1rj6vd5o1_400.png
Short, sweet, and to the point. Amazing that such a short story has so much feels. I was a bit worried when I saw the length but its really good. Have a like, a favorite, and a follow.
Also feel free to post this ribbon in the long description (there is a smaller one located at the group in a thread).
2975158 Thank you!
2963791>>2963812>>2963964>>2964258>>2965000>>2971364
Quick question, would anyone like to see a sequel to this? I do have an idea in mind, but I don't want to take anything away from this story.
2979864
*Raises hoof* I would.
2979864
P'raps.
2979864
If you have an idea, do it. Don't care what others say, just do it. Write first and foremost for yourself, let others enjoy it if they will. Strive to achieve your best and what you want to do and if someone doesn't like it, so be it. They are not you and your happiness does not depend on them.
Do as you please.
But yes, I would read it if you wrote it.
2979864
As this story is cut down to its most basic frame, it has as many possible sequels as what-ifs. I see it as a nice one-shot that runs a well executed, long-since as working proofed concept. But for a sequel it lacks the individual fundament, an existing problem that can be developed further. It has the potential, but I don't feel an urge for it. It's up to you.
Why'd you remove the sequel?
2992256 'Twas no good.
2992306 It did seem to go against how this story ended.
Oh well. Better luck next time!
2992468 Thanks!
2992481 No problem.
Unfortunately, the other story is now stuck on my read later list drop-down thingy. Do you know of any ways to remove it without the story being up?
2992488 Wut. That's odd. I know this is going to sound dumb, but either try refreshing, or signing out then back in.
2992494 Hmm. Tried both and it is still there. I'll probably send knighty a PM, see if he knows how to fix this. Thanks for your help anyway.
2992510 Sorry about that.
2992517 Don't worry about it. This can't be the first time something like this has happened and I can guarantee it will not be the last. It may even be a good thing that this happened to me, because if it is happening to people who don't say anything it will never get fixed. We may have just helped led to this site becoming better for many people.
So don't worry about it!
Hi there. I hope you don't mind, but I have put together an audio version of this fic on YouTube.
aaaaww
3134956 Oh, wow! I'm truly honored! That is amazing! Thanks so much!
How underrated this story is.
C'mon thunderlane go get her back
Rainbow aint no lez pony! Good writing all the same...
poor thunderlane. now i feel better for helping him further a relationship with octavia. he needs the love.
Thunderlane, please , don't cry. When you cry, I am crying, too! 😥😿
I hope, you will not angry, but I translated your fanfic on Russian and post it on Russian version of this site. Of course, I wrote, that it was your fanfic, and I am only translater.