Silver_Tip
Joined 9th Apr, 2013 ·
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Wow.
2951953
Yesssss?
2951968 Just wow. Vivid language, such varied and unusual imagery. Just when I'd gotten used to clopfics generally describing things the same, this shows up and blows me away.
The complete absence of dialogue during most of the clop is definitely a boon, to let the words speak for themselves. You should be in the feature box right now, not me.
2951983
Why thank you! I take great pride into putting as much creativity and thought into my wording as possible. Glad I could impress you so.
Hey now, you got to the featured on your own work. If my story gets to featured I'll be thrilled! However, don't be so quick to undermined your own works.
Thank you for the watch by the way.
For my point, there may have been too many metaphores.
I figured them out, in the end, but there were times I had no clue which pony was the target of the paragraph
X3 But overall, great story! I would read again; maybe I will right now!
Sorry, but there are too many incorrect words, epithets, and just *wrong* metaphors to make this fic readable. I would suggest an editor to clean a lot of it up.
I understand you've got three males there and you're trying to keep them separate, but you cannot just throw around 'the dashing lover' and 'the aroused colt' willy-nilly with no context or regard for your characters.
Also, drive a stake through your thesaurus. There is no earthly reason to describe testicles as 'kumquats' and lungs as 'windbags'.
well i like it, its sexy and enjoyable.
2952840
Heh, yeah I may have gotten a bit hard on the metaphor on this one.
I'll see if my editors aren't too busy and give it another once over.
2952459
Glad you liked it. Sorry if it was a bit too vague in some areas.
I think I might just name-drop the character of said paragraph a bit more.
If this helps, most of the time during the sex scene the "turn" order is suppose to be Flam, Mac, Flim. I think I only break that pattern once or twice when I start doing two paragraphs for Mac and Flam at some point.
2953090
Heh, I knew you'd like it mister man. B)
2953111
It's as if your thesaurus took hostages and demanded you use every single page in him or you'll never see your little puppy again.
2953127
BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND- HE'S MY PUPPY AND I LOVE HIM!
Admittedly, did use the thesaurus more than I probably needed to.
I'll try to restrain from using it rampantly.
> Love Letter
> Big Mac's crush
You sly dog, you.
Only complaint is that it was a little hard telling who-did-what in the heat of the sex. For a while, I thought Flim was taking it, butt fuq me if I didn't kind of enjoy that thought more... Nicely done.
2955127
Thank you. I'm thinking of doing another one shot involving them and "testing" some product together.
Yeah I'm starting to realize my efforts to try to not name drop so much left much ambiguity in the piece. Though, when I was writing this, I did kind of like a bit of the disorientation myself. Like being lost in the heat of wild sex.
Glad you liked it!
2955244
I must admit; I've never had sex so wild that I've lost track of what I was doing, who I was, and my place in the world.
But it sounds like fun on a bun.
2955264
Heh, that would be pretty great.
Just rigorous, passionate bucking to the point where you move as one.
No need for words, only the feelings of pleasure you bring each other.
Rutting until your bodies cave and give into a satisfied rest.
Truly, that would be a lovely experience.
Well, despite the purple prose, I liked it. I couldn't get this song out of my head, though.
2956722
Heh, glad you liked it overall. I'll try not to write too flowery in the future.
I really like that song by the way. Pretty catchy.
I take it "purple prose" is the main reason it rings a bell?
Or am I actually unbelievable?
2956773
Yes, it's the purple prose bit. Though the fact that this was still pretty hot despite the metaphor overdose seems pretty unbelievable.
2956818
Heh, well I'm glad you find it hot regardless!
I like to think I can surprise people.
I just try to put as much quality time into each piece as possible.
This fic was confusing to read
I had no idea what was going on