In a secluded field on Sweet Apple Acres there was a tree house. It had originally belonged to Applejack but when Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle had formed the Cutie Mark Crusaders she decided to present it to them as their new clubhouse. Having been abandoned for so long it needed a bit of renovating, but the three fillies proved more than up to the task and had even extended it by adding a lookout tower.
Currently, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were huddled around a telescope inside that very tower; their gaze was firmly directed at the guest room window.
‘’See anything yet?’’ asked Applebloom.
‘’Nothing since your sister shut the window,’’ replied Scootaloo as she squinted through the eyepiece.
‘’Ugh! How can we spy on him if we can’t even see him, who knows what he’s planning in there,’’ groaned the farm filly.
‘’You do know he could just be sleeping right?’’
‘’No he’s not!’’ huffed Apple Bloom. ‘’He’s planning something I know it!’’
‘’Well if he is planning something we’re not going to see it from here,’’ replied Scootaloo.
With a frustrated sigh Applebloom exited the tower and dropped into the tree house proper, her friends following behind.
‘’So we’ve spied on him for most of the afternoon and nothing’s happened,’’ said Sweetie Belle as they sat down. ‘’Maybe he really is just a lost colt who accidentally ruined your day.’’
‘’Don’t say that!’’ exclaimed Applebloom. ‘’That’s exactly what he wants ya’ll ta think, he’s just waiting for the right moment ta strike.’’
Her friends just sighed.
‘’Not that I think he’s planning something, but we’re not going to solve this mystery from here,’’ said Scootaloo. ‘’We need to get closer.’’
Nodding in agreement the three crusaders thought for a moment, then Sweetie Belle brightened.
‘’Maybe one of us could hang under the window and eavesdrop on him.’’
‘’Ah don’t think so,’’ said Applebloom. ‘’Applejack locked up all the climbing gear after we tried to be Cutie Mark Crusader Base Jumpers.’’
‘’How could that have been too dangerous?’’ Replied Scootaloo incredulously. ‘’I’d double checked everything, I even fixed those old bedsheets we were using as parachutes.’’
‘’I guess she just has no sense of adventure,’’ replied Applebloom.
They thought for a few more minutes before Scootaloo spoke up.
‘’How about one of us hides in his room?’’
‘’Too risky’’ said Sweetie Belle. ‘’We’d have to sneak in when he’s asleep and even if he didn’t wake up, how would we get out without being seen by anypony else?’’
‘’Maybe we could use the periscope from when we were Cutie Mark Crusader Submariners to see around the door?’’ ventured Applebloom.
‘’Uhh...I think it’s still at the bottom of the lake with our sub’’ replied Scootaloo sheepishly.
Sweetie Belle facehoofed.
‘’I still don’t understand why you thought it was a good idea to open the door?’’ she muttered.
‘’Hey! I thought I saw a seapony.’’
‘’Seaponies don’t live in lakes, they live in the sea, that’s why they’re called SEAponies.’’
‘’Ah think we’re getting a little distracted’’ interrupted Applebloom. ‘’If we want ta find out anything we need ta do something quick and easy, it’s not like we can just ask him at dinner...’’
She trailed off as realisation dawned on her features.
‘’Ah’ve got it!’’
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Applejack was returning to the farmhouse to prepare Reivers final meal of the day when she saw the door was wide open. Thinking there was an intruder she galloped inside, but stopped when she realised her fears were unfounded.
Instead she saw the Cutie Mark Crusaders were in the kitchen preparing something, spying the jar of applesauce she concluded that it was Reivers meal, although she was slightly surprised that the three fillies were making it as Applebloom had said they would be crusading all day. Bounding energetically around their hooves was Winona, the collie, having finished napping with her new friend, was now trying to sabotage their efforts so she could get a free snack.
‘’Howdy there Cutie Mark Crusaders’’ she said, causing the three crusaders to jump in surprise.
‘’Applejack!’’ exclaimed Applebloom. ‘’Ah thought you were on the west field today?’’
‘’Ah came back ta get Reivers meal ready, but ah see ya’ll are already on it.’’
‘’Well...uh...we thought you would be busy for a mite longer.’’
‘’Yeah’’ said Scootaloo, as she poured the sauce into a bowl. ‘’So we...thought we would help out and try to get our cutie marks as...Nurses at the same time.’’
‘’Nurses?’’ Replied Applejack with a raised eyebrow, ‘’Ya’ll do remember what happened when ya tried ta be doctors?’’
‘’That was different’’ said Sweetie Belle. ‘’We didn’t know our cold cure would make Big Macintosh react like that.’’
‘’Ah told ya we used too much hot sauce’’ chipped Scootaloo.
''Besides, we're being nurses this time, that's totally different'' finished Applebloom.
Applejack turned her gaze to the bowl of applesauce; she knew her sister and her friends wouldn’t intentionally harm Reiver. Unintentionally was a different matter entirely as their eagerness often overrode common sense.
‘’Please Applejack,’’ begged Applebloom. ‘’Ah know ya’ll are busy because of this early frost and ah thought we could help out.’’
Applejack knew her sister was right, if it weren’t for this cold she would have more time to devote to their sick guest. But as it was all the adult Apples were busy doing their part to get the harvest stored before winter set in properly, even Granny Smith was doing what she could.
‘’Just so we’re clear, ya’ll are not to try another one of your ‘cures’ on him.’’
Applebloom beamed as she gave her older sister a hug.
‘’Thanks Applejack.’’
‘’No problem little sis’’ she replied with a chuckle.
Ensuring that Reivers dinner was properly prepared by the fillies, Applejack then called Winona to her side with a sharp whistle before heading back outside.
‘’Quick thinking Applebloom,’’ congratulated Scootaloo.
‘’No problem,’’ she replied.
Reaching the guest room Applebloom motioned for them to stop before pressing her ear to the door.
‘’Hear anything?’’ whispered Sweetie belle.
‘’No’’ replied Applebloom.
‘’He could be sleeping’’ ventured Scootaloo.
‘’Stupid bucking hieroglyphics!’’
Applebloom jumped back as the book slammed into the door with such force that the wood buckled slightly.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders stared at each other in silence, and just the slightest bit of fear.
Cautiously, Applebloom pushed open the door.
The book was lying on the floor surrounded by splinters, its pages splayed open. Across the room Reiver was unsteadily standing on his hooves at the foot of the bed; one forehoof still outstretched and a look of surprise on his face.
‘’If anyone asks you didn’t hear that from me,’’ he said quickly.
‘’Um...okay’’ replied Applebloom awkwardly. ‘’We brought your dinner’’
‘’Oh, uh...thanks’’ he said.
Shuffling forward, Reiver took the tray from Applebloom and sat down by the bed as the three fillies sat in a semicircle, an awkward silence persisted as he began to slowly eat.
‘’So....’’ began Sweetie Belle hesitantly. ‘’What did that book do to make you so mad?’’
Reiver stopped, the spoon halfway to his mouth.
‘’I...didn’t understand something I read and I... just lost my temper.’’
Applebloom turned to where the book lay in the heap of splinters near the door; she recognised it as the one she had retrieved from the library a few days earlier. Maybe something didn’t match up with whatever fiendish plan he had in mind.
‘’What was it exactly?’’ asked Sweetie Belle.
‘’It’s not important’’ shrugged Reiver, this action quickly turned into a wobble and he had to lean back onto the bed to stop falling sideways.
‘’You okay?’’ asked Scootaloo.
‘’I’m fine’’ he replied, shaking his head in an effort to clear it. ‘’Just feeling a little bit dizzy.’’
Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle shared a concerned look before Applebloom ploughed on with the questions.
‘’Are ya’ll getting enough ta eat?’’ she asked
‘’Yes I am for the moment, I don’t normally eat this much applesauce.’’
‘’So what do ya normally eat?’’ Asked Applebloom, mentally wondering if he was a Changeling.
‘’Most things, but I have food allergies so I have to be careful.’’
‘’Really, what are ya’ll allergic to?’’ Now she was considering if he was a Vampony
‘’Wheat.’’
Maybe he was suspicious about her questions.
‘’So you can’t eat bread?’’ asked Sweetie Belle.
‘’Or anything else made from wheat flour, like pies or cakes.’’
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Somewhere in Ponyville a certain pink mare spasmed like she had been stuck by lightening.
‘’Something really bad just happened.’’
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
‘’So what do you eat?’’ queried Sweetie Belled.
Appleblooms ears pricked up as she listened intently for his answer.
‘’Vegetables mainly, I have to make a lot of my own food.’’
They dropped in dissappointment; he was definitely on to them.
There was silence as he went back to eating, although Applebloom noticed he was moving much slower than when she last saw him. Whatever energy had been used to throw the book had clearly been used up. As Cutie Mark Crusaders struggled to find something else to talk about, Sweetie Belle spotted the colts’ blank flank.
‘’Hey, you don’t have a cutie mark’’ she exclaimed.
Reiver paused and looked down at his flank before closing his eyes and giving a frustrated sigh.
‘’No...I don’t’’ he said slowly.
‘’How about you join us? We’ve got a club to help us find our cutie marks’’ said Scootaloo. ‘’Together we are THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!’’
Reiver was convinced he had just felt his eardrums burst.
‘’We’ve been meaning to take on more members since we let mah cousin join’’ said Applebloom. ‘’Plus, it means ah can keep a closer eye on you’’ she muttered.
‘’Thank you for the offer but I don’t think I’ll accept’’ he said. ‘’If I wanted to be covered in tree sap on a regular basis I would make maple syrup for a living.’’
‘’Hey that doesn’t happen all the time!’’ snapped Scootaloo.
‘’I know about your work, trust me it does’’ countered Reiver. ‘’You guys couldn’t be more blind to your own talents if you were sitting in the dark wearing blinkers.’’
‘’Well at least we’re trying to get our cutie marks’’ she replied defensively. ‘’Everypony always tell us that Cutie Marks appear when its time, but we don’t want to wait our whole lives to find our special talent!’’
‘’Yeah’’ chipped in Sweetie Belle, ‘’we’re being proactive by trying different things!’’
‘’Proactive or not, the three of you are still blind if you think sky-diving, water-skiing and tiger taming are your special talents. Heck, when Applebloom drank that cutie pox potion she tried practically everything in one day, and yet you still haven’t realised that true talent comes from within.’’
‘’That’s what the grownups keep saying and we still don’t know what it means’’ huffed Scootaloo.
Reiver sighed, these fillies really were dense.
‘’Wait a minute’’ said Applebloom. ‘’How’d you know about when ah had cutie pox?’’
‘’Word gets around’’ he said quickly ‘’when you spend weeks sneaking in and around Ponyville, you can’t help but hear about the Cutie Mark Crusaders latest disaster.’’
‘’Those aren’t disasters, those are...experiments!’’ replied Scootaloo.
‘’An experiment requires you to have some understanding of what you’re doing and from what I hear, you three do not.’’
Insulted and looking like she might kill him, Scootaloo made to get up, but Applebloom stopped her with a hoof on the shoulder.
‘’You’re a very rude colt, you know that,’’ said Sweetie Belle.
‘’Quite frankly my dear, I couldn’t care less what you think so long as you leave me out of your little schemes’’ he replied, putting aside the applesauce and gulping down the water.
‘’Thank you for the food and drink’’ he said, struggling unsteadily to his hooves. ‘’But I’m feeling a bit dizzy and would like to get some sleep if you don’t mind.’’
Retrieving the tray, the three Cutie Mark Crusaders left the room, Scootaloo sticking her tongue out once the door shut.
‘’Now do you girls believe me?’’ said Applebloom as they descended back into the kitchen.
‘’I’m starting to,’’ replied Scootaloo.
‘’Ah don’t care what he says about hearing things, he’s been watching us.’’
‘’Appleblooms right,’’ agreed Sweetie Belle. ''He can’t have known about the potion unless he saw you make it.’’
‘’We need more proof, and starting tonight we’re going to keep a much closer eye on him.’’
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
It was the middle of the night when a single shadow stole its way through Ponyville.
Slipping stealthily between buildings and along alleyways, the shadow did it’s best to ensure that it remained out of the pale light from Luna’s moon. Sliding along the wall between two houses the shadow paused to spot its target before darting quickly across the open space to its objective: Carousel Boutique.
Taking cover under a tree by the door the shadow turned its attention to one of the upper windows, grabbing a few pebbles it threw them at the glass until the impacts caused it to open.
‘’Cack-caw, Cack-caw’’ it squawked.
‘’What was that supposed to be?’’ hissed Sweetie Belle.
‘’The signal, duh’’ replied Scootaloo.
‘’I thought we agreed on an owl?’’
‘’Yeah, but a raven is much cooler.’’
Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes.
‘’Just stay there I’ll be right down.’’
Scootaloo watched her shut the window and disappear inside, sitting nervously in the shadow cast by the tree as she waited for the unicorn filly to emerge from the boutique. After a few minutes of tense silence the front door opened and Sweetie Belle, with her saddlebags slung across her back, slipped out.
Pressing an ear to the door, Sweetie Belle made sure that her exit had been undetected. When she was certain she hadn't been heard, the two fillies stealthily made their way back through Ponyville to where the Pegasus filly had hidden her scooter and the crusaders cart. Climbing aboard, Scootaloo revved her wings and the pair sped towards Sweet Apple Acres.
Upon reaching the farm they hid the scooter and cart in a bush before moving up to the farmhouse door, knocking on the aged wood caused the doors lower half to slowly creak open as Applebloom revealed herself.
‘’Were ya followed?’’ she whispered.
‘’No,’’ replied Sweetie Belle.
Taking a quick look around to be sure, Applebloom let the pair inside.
‘’Did anypony hear you?’’ asked Sweetie Belle.
‘’No, ah peeked in on Reiver before coming down just ta be sure. He’s sleeping like a log.’’
‘’Great,’’ said Scootaloo. ‘’Then let’s get the listening device set up.’’
‘’Scootaloo, I don’t think two cans and a piece of string counts as a listening device’’ Replied Sweetie Belle.
‘’Then what would you call it?’’
‘’Can we just get on with it, ‘’interrupted Applebloom. ‘’We gotta get it upstairs before anypony...’’
She was cut off by the sound of hoofsteps from above.
‘’...wakes up.’’
Freezing, the three fillies listened as the steps moved towards the staircase, realising they were about to be discovered they quickly took cover behind the sofa. Anxiously holding their breath, the Cutie Mark Crusaders listened as the steps moved downstairs into the living room where they stopped completely.
Risking discovery, Applebloom poked her head out.
The source of the hoofsteps was revealed to be Reiver, their arguing must have woken him. Currently he had his back to them and was looking at the pictures on the mantelpiece, his gaze moving across the photographs of the Apple Family and Sweet Apple Acres, occasionally lingering on specific images before moving on.
Eventually he finished with the ones on the mantelpiece and turned towards the kitchen, only to stop as he noticed another photograph sat by Granny Smiths rocking chair. Moving across he gently lifted the picture in his hooves to take a better look.
Applebloom knew which picture he was looking at. It was taken after her last birthday party and showed a close up of her, Applejack, Big Macintosh and Granny Smith crowded around a picnic bench smiling and laughing as Pinkie Pie ambushed them with the camera.
She saw him trace a hoof over the image as he studied it, he was muttering something but she couldn’t quite make it out. Leaning out a bit further from their hiding place for a better look, she saw he had begun to shake a little, his hooves pressing hard against the picture frame.
CRACK!
Reiver snapped out of whatever daze he had been in as the glass cracked sharply in the silent farmhouse, Applebloom covered her mouth to muffle a gasp.
He had just broken one of their pictures, more than that it was one that reminded her of one of the best days of her life. A fury built in her gut and she moved to confront him but was quickly dragged back behind the sofa by her friends.
‘’Do you want to give us away?’’ hissed Scootaloo as she pinned her to the floor.
As her friends’ advice sunk through her anger Applebloom stopped struggling and shook her head, causing Scootaloo to slowly release her.
Once again peeking out from their hiding spot they saw that Reiver was gone, slowly sneaking to where the broken picture was now lying face down on the table, Applebloom lifted it up and saw the spiderweb of cracks had distorted the image underneath. She knew the photo would be fine, but he had effectively disrespected the Apple family by breaking the image of a precious memory. There was no doubt in her mind now, he was a monster and she would expose him.
They were about to continue upstairs when Sweetie Belle spotted shaft of light coming from the kitchen. Curiosity compelling them to investigate they saw the door was ajar, cautiously the three fillies peered inside.
The light was coming from the fridge which was wide open in front of them. Reiver was rummaging inside and they could hear the clinks and clatters of jars and cans moving around.
‘’Apple sauce, apple juice, apple cider, apple fritters, apple pie...geez does this family eat anything other than apples?’’ he muttered to himself. ‘’Ah orange juice, that will do.’’
‘’I don’t think he’s going to do anything suspicious,’’ whispered Scootaloo.
‘’Maybe we should just set up the cans and leave,’’ replied Sweetie Belle.
‘’It a listening device!’’ hissed Scootaloo.
‘’But that’s what they are!’’ argued Sweetie Belle.
As her friends began to argue their attention was taken off the colt in the kitchen, Appleblooms however was not.
She watched him take the carton from the fridge, pour the juice into a glass and drink it down. He then took it to the sink and was in the process of rinsing out the glass when his ears pricked and his head snapped in her direction.
Stifling a scream Applebloom quickly leapt back from the door, causing the other two to abruptly stop arguing.
‘’You alright?’’ asked Scootaloo.
‘’His eyes’’ she said shakily. ‘’His eyes.’’
‘’What’s wrong with his eyes?’’ asked Sweetie Belle.
‘’Th...they...were...’’
‘’Were what?’’
‘’They were yellow!’’ she nearly screamed.
Checking that they hadn’t been heard the other two crusaders crowded around their friend.
‘’You sure? They looked normal when we saw him earlier.’’ Said Sweetie Belle.
‘’Ah know what ah saw! He had yellow eyes!’’ snapped Applelboom.
‘’Maybe it was a trick of the light?’’ ventured Scootaloo. ‘’A pony can’t change their eye colour.’’
‘’Unless he isn’t really a pony at all!’’ exclaimed Applebloom.
‘’Quiet!’’ snapped Sweetie Belle. ‘’Do you want him to-‘’
She was cut off by the kitchen door opening behind them.
‘’-hear us.’’
The door opened to reveal Reiver leaning unsteadily on the door frame; Applebloom immediately looked at his eyes, expecting them to be yellow like before.
They were not; in fact they looked completely normal.
‘’Can I help you?’’ he asked.
‘’Uhhhhhh...’’ stammered Scootaloo.
‘’You three aren’t exactly quiet,’’ he said. ‘’Next time you spy on someone, don’t argue quite so loud. Why are you here?’’
‘’We were...having a campout,’’ said Sweetie Belle ‘’and wanted to see if you could join us.’’
Reiver looked them over.
‘’You are aware that Applejack has confined me to this house until further notice because of my condition right?’’
‘’Uh...yeah, course we did’’ replied Scootaloo. ‘’so we thought we could move it indoors instead.’’
‘’Doesn’t that defeat the point of a campout?’’ he replied.
‘’Well, it was Appleblooms idea, she wanted to see if we could start over’’ said Sweetie Belle, ignoring the look of horror that Applebloom gave her. ‘’You were very rude to us you know.’’
Reiver sighed.
‘’I guess I was, but I do have a headache, high fever, weak legs and a general feeling of illness about me, so I think you can understand why I might be somewhat irritable.’’
‘’Maybe, but that’s still not an excuse for how you behaved’’ she replied.
He sighed again.
‘’No, I suppose it wasn’t. But I meant it when I said I wanted to be left alone, if I apologise will you respect that?’’
‘’Yes!’’ quickly squeaked Applebloom, causing everypony present to look at her.
‘’Oookay...I’m sorry that I was rude to you,’’ said Reiver as he turned towards the stairs. ‘’I’m going back to bed now, please don’t try to spy on me with that ridiculous can device.’’
He made to leave, but began to wobble after only a few steps. Steadying himself on the kitchen door frame once more, Reiver struggled to move on as a wave of nausea washed over him and he felt bile rising in his throat. Unable to hold it down he threw up on the carpet, ignoring the noises from the three disgusted filles. Attempting to move on again, Reivers balance finally failed and he fell crashing to the floor, narrowly avoiding the puddle of his own vomit.
He was vaguely aware of somepony turning him on his back and he could make out the blurry colours of an orange coat an purple mane.
‘’Help.’’
Still having the problem with the opening and closing single quotes whenever someone starts talking. Other than that, I didn't see any significant errors, so good work on that. Now I hope the next chapter doesn't take a geological era to come out
Well, seems Reiver is worse than it looked like at first glance. Vertigo and insomnia together are one hell of a blend.
Good chapter! Your main character has built up nicely, as have the Crusaders. I look forward to the next instalment.
Yay, new chapter
P.S. What happened to photo? How can he accidentally break it with hooves if he's so weak?
3910985 It's relevance is part of an overarching idea running throughout this story. Not everything about Reiver is, shall we say, ''normal''.
3910985 Well, he is an earth pony I think. He might not be able to control his strength. Remember, he did throw the book rather powerfully.
That was a good chapter can't wait to read the next one. Keep on writing..
3911301 Thanks man.
I still like this, but I really have a problem with Reiver (How do you pronounce that, anyway?) being so careless with the show's info.
3913097 To be fair, if you've spent weeks nearly starving to death you wouldn't be thinking straight. But I'll keep that in mind with future chapters as he is going to recover and have to go out into the world at some point. His meeting with Pinkie Pie is going to be interesting .
His name is pronounced 'Ree-ver'.
3915889 Good point.
Ree-ver... like the psychopathic cannibals in Firefly?
Who are very cool in their own, demented way, though I'm not sure if I can believe that a human mother would name their kid Reiver, but I get that it has to be memorable... though all I'm gonna think of now is a Reaver from Firefly...
You should release the next chapter... soon! Good work! Keep it up mate!
3917013 I would like to state that Reiver is not based on psychopathic killers from an epic Sci Fi franchise.
But that is essentially how you pronounce his name.
3920972 D'aww
Will I never see my psychotic dream of ponified Reavers come to fruition?
3921602 Now your just giving me ideas...craaaaazy ideas.
3922044 And who says crazy is bad? Why I remember when I lost my mind
Welcome to the prime time bitch!!!-Freddy Krueger
3928629 YEAHHHH!!
3929643 A fellow nightmare on elm street fan?
3938758 Sorry I'm not. But I know enough about the films to get the reference.
I'm not really into horror, yet strangely I watch Supernatural and Sleepy Hollow and enjoy them immensely.
3940217 huh interesting
So let's see... I think we've got a prodigy of a brony here. Two options:
1) hospital stay followed by life at an orphanage without raising any suspicion whatsoever
2) sneaking around avoiding being friendly and filching food from the garbage, until everypony is suspicious of you, and you run a fever and die.
I am so jelly it's sad.
This chapter was enough to wet my appetite but not satisfy it. It was all very good, but it left me with a powerful craving for more. The wait is going to be arduous...
Anyway, let's go over some typos:
First of all, what the heck is up with the quotation marks in this story?
The quote needs to end in a comma rather than a period
You ended the quote with a comma rather than a question mark
You're missing punctuation in the above two examples, the quotes need to end with a comma
Do not capitalize said tags
Should be:
‘’Yeah,’’ chipped in Sweetie Belle, ‘’we’re being proactive by trying different things!’’
Missing an apostrophe in each of the above two examples
Wrote "he" instead of "her"
------
Altogether, you really need to work on your dialogue punctuation.
3945924 Whoops I'll get on that. Could you clarify something for me please.
These quotes here you've advised not to capitalise the R and A. But they come after a question so surely they are new sentences and therefore have to be capitalised.
3960661
That's incorrect. Said tags are never capitalized, regardless of whether the line being quoted is a question or not.
Consider this: In the second quote, let's say, for the sake of simplification, we cut off everything after the comma, so the line reads:
This is a complete, grammatically correct (except for the still capitalized said tag) sentence.
Now let's cut off the quote:
This is not a complete sentence. Therefore, it should not be treated as one.
See the site's writing guide for better detail.
3960858 That's makes sense, thanks.
Iv been thinking this whole time that he's a human child ...is he a human adult?
4042587 Yes he is.
crap...well its still good but it would have been an intresting twist? meh your story holds out i shall wait for next chapter!
4052298 Maybe next time, it's still a good idea. I'm surprised someone else hasn't done it already, at least I don't know of anyone who has done it.
4052723 someone might have but there arnt that many. id go for it if you achiwally wanted to it would be cool.
4052731 I'd need to explain the car that I've included if I wanted to do it for this fiction.
i bet you could come up with something if you really wanted to but its your story im fine either way
"He can't have known about the potion unless he saw you make it." The hilarious thing about this is that Apple Bloom had to announce loudly to the entire town that she had brewed up a potion using the Heart's Desire before she could get the cure. This is like, the most publically known thing. They could have gotten suspicious over how he knew about sky-diving and water-skiing, but instead they jumped on the one thing he could have heard sneaking around town. Do ponies really talk about how the CMC occasionally have tree sap on them more than they talk about the one time Apple Bloom sent the entire town into an epidemic fueled panic?
Somehow in their complete inept failure to expose him, they accidentally managed to do so. I love it.
Alright, now it's definitely become ridiculous. Everything else seems fine for the most part, with everyone seemingly in-character and relatively few grammar mistakes, but Apple Bloom feels like she's becoming a caricature.
Lol pinkies reaction when he said he couldn't eat cake
Somewhere in Ponyville a certain pink mare spasmed like she had been stuck by lightening.
‘’Something really bad just happened.’’
XD XD XD XD, WHAT, WHAT......HAHAHAHAH XD XD XD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4862100 women and their geudges right?
Spelling errors:
Oh, God! That should have been SO much a real episode incident!
will this have luna visiting his dreams?
Hot cures cold. This is perfect elementary school logic.
Truly it's the end of the world
Also *lightning
Does he even HAVE a filter?
DO YOU HAVE A MUTE BUTTON HOLY SHOOT
This boy. He does nothing but mess up.
Snerk!
Fucking RIP.
Just to be clear, we're supposed to sympathise with this guy?
You know, I still love this story, but I just noticed (at least in this chapter) there are a lot of missing commas that separate dialogue from the narration. Like a lot, a lot.
Yellow eyes could be jaundice. Or it could have something to do with Discord. Or maybe some kind of bad reaction to magic.