My comment for this chapter isnt so much a pointing out a mistake in grammar (which by the way id reccomend finding an editor in the proofreaders group as there are quite a few small spelling and grammat mistakes all of which though i can easily ignore and still enjoy the story, im sure there would be plenty of editors that would love to go over your story) but rather a common flaw in a character. Im reffering to luna in this case. Something that writers do quite often in fics focusing on luna is revealing at some point that luna is very much a virgin. Now with any other character this normally would not be a problem but id just like to point out how little sense this actually makes for this particular character. I realise that pretty much every brony out there that is a luna fanatic like me would absolutely love to be her first but you must take into concept what this character represents. Princess )Luna is the princess of the night and in ponydom that might as well be the god of the night. The night time represents many things such as fear, sleep, death, the unknown, and etc. The night also represents lust and romance. This fact thusly makes luna symbol of these two things as well this can be seen through the character of nightmare moon and the way that she speaks in the show as all her lines of an almost seductive undertone and then the transition back into luna who uses the archaic speach patterns that have a more romantic tone to it. Knowing these things then combinined with the fact that shes more than a couple thousand years old it would make little to no sense that she would not have taken atleast a couple mates or consorts during her life span. In order to be the princess of what she is there would be almost no way that she wouldnt do this. The species of which would of course not matter so her choosing a human is completely possible. Let me know what you think of this.
2894886 It's nice you see a problem, a very thoughtful critique.. I wrote this in the six days so any and all forgiveness for my spelling sins is truly appreciated! Here is my logic on why I assumed this lunas state. The idea actually creeped up, it was not planned. The logic; Luna was still a young alicorn when she was banished. During the reign before that of the two, her destroyed self confidence would have prevented her from being confident enough to take a consort. This aswell as the onset of Nightmare Moon took priority then. The source being the fact that her night was unappreciated in her perspective. Luna is a painfully self aware psyche, a fact that would still be present after her possession. At least this is what I perceive. I am really enjoying defending my logic here so please continue this thought. Does it make sense?
very sweet, but not TOO sweet. i approve!
2743120 Sweet? I'm flattered, worried it was borderline for a moment there. No cavities yet!
Luna loves him, good, that's very good
My comment for this chapter isnt so much a pointing out a mistake in grammar (which by the way id reccomend finding an editor in the proofreaders group as there are quite a few small spelling and grammat mistakes all of which though i can easily ignore and still enjoy the story, im sure there would be plenty of editors that would love to go over your story) but rather a common flaw in a character. Im reffering to luna in this case. Something that writers do quite often in fics focusing on luna is revealing at some point that luna is very much a virgin. Now with any other character this normally would not be a problem but id just like to point out how little sense this actually makes for this particular character. I realise that pretty much every brony out there that is a luna fanatic like me would absolutely love to be her first but you must take into concept what this character represents. Princess )Luna is the princess of the night and in ponydom that might as well be the god of the night. The night time represents many things such as fear, sleep, death, the unknown, and etc. The night also represents lust and romance. This fact thusly makes luna symbol of these two things as well this can be seen through the character of nightmare moon and the way that she speaks in the show as all her lines of an almost seductive undertone and then the transition back into luna who uses the archaic speach patterns that have a more romantic tone to it. Knowing these things then combinined with the fact that shes more than a couple thousand years old it would make little to no sense that she would not have taken atleast a couple mates or consorts during her life span. In order to be the princess of what she is there would be almost no way that she wouldnt do this. The species of which would of course not matter so her choosing a human is completely possible. Let me know what you think of this.
2894886 It's nice you see a problem, a very thoughtful critique.. I wrote this in the six days so any and all forgiveness for my spelling sins is truly appreciated! Here is my logic on why I assumed this lunas state. The idea actually creeped up, it was not planned. The logic; Luna was still a young alicorn when she was banished. During the reign before that of the two, her destroyed self confidence would have prevented her from being confident enough to take a consort. This aswell as the onset of Nightmare Moon took priority then. The source being the fact that her night was unappreciated in her perspective. Luna is a painfully self aware psyche, a fact that would still be present after her possession. At least this is what I perceive. I am really enjoying defending my logic here so please continue this thought. Does it make sense?