- Member Since 1st Apr, 2012
- offline last seen Last Thursday
darf
pony-writer/pornographer looking for work. old stories undeleted. i'm sorry. Patreon here
darf
Joined 1st Apr, 2012 ·
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Wow, you never fail to fascinate me Mr. darf. I'll be looking forward to reading your next story very soon. Keep up the grand writing!
Awesome story, very well done!
Ooooooooohhhhhh this story will have rape, won't it?
Wow, that definitely gives a good perspective on 'rock bottom'. Very well written too, keep up the stellar work Darf.
wow the pleasure never ends with this, was simply amazing loved it!
Remember a couple of weeka ago when you had that whole breakdown over clopfiction versus stories you put your soul into?
I feel as if the tales like this are a perfect balance. I almost want to see this idea expanded- Rainbow Dash's stardom in the Wonderbolts corrupting her and sending her into a downward spiral of addiction and ruin. (That last sentence probably needs spoiler tags but I'm not sure how you'd feel about that, provided you even read this, Mr. Darf.) It's an intriguing way to imagine it, considering how many professional athletes, particularily superstars, tend to go down that road. To see Rainbow Dash head down it headfirst would be a supremely intriguing read, regardless of how you would decide to end it- Either a rebirth and healing, or a chromatically unchallenged body in the gutter.
The sex here is unappealing. It's artificial and desperate and fake. It therfore fits the tone of the story perfectly. Rainbow Dash elicites no joy from it. It's literally sickening.
So this is a fave and a like, and a call to action to you, Mr. Darf. Please expand upon this idea. There is so much new ground to cover with it, and you make it clear that you want to cover new ground. Stories about addiction in the fandom are often petty, idealistic, unrealistic garbage, and I feel you can take it in a direction we rarely see.
Bah, this comment is too long! My desperation for attention gets to me...
See? This is what happens when you don't use me.
2722061
hey, if you're willing to edit a story with an hour's notice, maybe i can hit you up for stuff like this
2722083
Eh, I wouldn't have had time anyway. Night shift this week. Joy.
This was really good. Very gritty and raw, as I assume the intent was. Left me wondering what could have driven Dash to this, or what exactly the powder was. Drugs, obviously, but how driven RD would have stooped so low is intriguing.
Funny thing is, something about the way it's handled makes me not cry OoC. Normally I would, as RD would never have let everything go to pot like this, but for some reason I see it, and believe it.
Beautiful ugliness. darf in a nutshell.
Good cripes, this hits pretty close to home, darf.
I live in a pretty seedy area of east Tennessee, and I suspect that something along these lines happens more often IRL than I'd be willing to admit.
Very realistic, very gritty fic you have here. Though it'd be interesting to see just what could drive RD to such a low point in her life.
Darf, I am disappoint. When a crack head says 'anything' and all a guy does is vanilla pussy-whacking, I feel like a great chance was missed.
2722289
our protagonist is not a pony of complex tastes
For a story that said "the Dark tag is there for a reason", this is awfully … hm. The word "nice" is simultaneously both horribly wrong and also literally true.
Far too many Dark clop stories unapologetically gallop straight to rape and don't look back. Here, the sex skirts the inner edge of consensual: it's a transaction voluntarily agreed upon by both parties (although there's clearly an overwhelming power differential that's ripe for discussion of consensuality and informed consent). The fact that everyone gets what they asked for is amazing given the genre. You've written a broken fairy tale, complete with happily-ever-after.
But on another level, this is so fucking far from a nice story.
what is even oh god aaaaaaaaaaah
And then the sex. This is not a sex scene written to arouse:
This not-so-subtle reinforcement of the transactional nature of the act — along with the other parts where he goads her into pretending to enjoy it — is a direct emasculation of the protagonist. He's not satisfying her; they're not having fun. There's no wish fulfillment here. Just a guy buying a whore.
If you ask me, that earns the dark tag far more subtly and skillfully than "Pony Fucks Unwilling Pony VII: The Rapening" ever could.
I wanted to say something in depth about this, but other people already covered it.
The short time that passed between the poster and her being forgotten indicates that she didn't just decline, Dash leapt headfirst off the cliff and made one of those Looney Tunes-style cut-out holes in the ground.
Anyway, makes you think about how it all falls apart. No morality other than fate.
Wow, haha, that was actually a pretty fun read. Really good use of dark if you ask me.
The darkness in this made me grin.
That ending was phenomenal.
Good show as always, Mr. Darf
Impossible to reconcile as FiM fanfiction.
)2721995>>2722651
Right there with both you guys. Badger said what I was thinking best, but you're spot-on about appropriate use of the Dark tag, horizon. I almost want to tie this to a fic of my own, if Darf wouldn't mind, it's tonally in-line with what I was going for with Manehattan Mare, just a shitton darker.
(Is it bad that I've got just the unicorn in my headspace? He has a bent wire hanger for a cutie mark....
)
2733477 I am always happy to take the words out of your mouth.
I came
I read
I clopped
I secured my place in hell (again)
I cried from Dashie's naivety
I pondered on how Darf produces amazing stories
2734336
You forgot "I came"
2736818 I died of laughter at the comment
2726183
I shouldn't respond. I know I shouldn't. But, okay, you went there, so: Why is this impossible to reconcile as a pony story?
I note from your userpage that "The Canterlot Embassy" and "Daylight Burning" are both among your proofreading credits. (Good on you, by the way. Those are both awesome stories.) How exactly are you drawing the line so that full-scale warfare, mind rape, politics, terrorism, and interspecies relationships are all reconcilable as pony stories, but a dude buying sex in a back alley isn't?
If you just didn't like this story, it's okay to say that, you know. But trying to play exclusion games with "what is legitimate fanfic?" is a loser's game. There's plenty of fanwork which twists the show through a funhouse mirror — like the .MOV series or "Cupcakes" — which have acquired their own following despite veering far afield from the show's themes. And there's some really good* fanfic — like theycallmejub's Eyes Without A Face — that is as far as you can get from pony thematically while still being clearly derivative.
Best,
H
--
* Okay, magnificently horrible. Great writing I couldn't stomach.
2737509
No. I'm not saying I didn't like it.
I didn't like Miss Me?. It was a story that would be impossible for anyone without that fetish to enjoy and most of the people who like it do so out of lulz and not genuine enjoyment.
And while it is an incredibly stupid story, 2 consenting sapinets of different species engaging in gross shit is not something I would consider antithetical to FiM. Even though it borderline has nothing to do with it at all.
I have no problem saying that. My opinion, my dislike of it, and my reasoning.
I'm not saying that about this story because it's not true and my favor has nothing to do with my opinion.
"Main character becomes addict prostitute" is not a premise that I have any logical ability to reconcile with FiM.
I'm not even butthurt.
I just literally cannot make any sort of reasonable connection between the premise and the thing it is derivative of.
When the premise-- the concept-- is looked at isolated from the story it is a part of-- disregarding quality, plot, tone, theme, content-- it's an incredibly dumb idea that makes no sense for FiM.
Being able to write any concept well is laudable for original fiction, but in fanfic you should try to write within the reasonable bounds of what makes sense for the source.
The idea voids the validity before the first word is read. It's technically fanfiction because it is derivative, but how is this anything but badfic?
And this concept could work much more believably in another fandom, but for FiM it just don't add up.
2737912
i like how you answered Horizon's question without actually answering it.
i also like the little dig you put in at the end with the pejorative 'badfic'.
as people like Cold In Gardez will probably tell you, pony stories are stories about life and human beings. all things in a fandom or a universe from which they draw inspiration are lenses to humanity; i'm not going to go to the cross ot say that there's any evidence of sex, rape, prostitution, etc. in the show, but the point is that the characters, the setting, the personalities of the characters, the species and all the other things that make up the show are what we use as springboards to tell stories that might appeal to people who enjoy the show. if that's not what you want to read, or don't agree, so be it, but i think you're worse off for it.
also, for someone who seems to hate all of my writing, you sure seem to read and comment on a lot of it. keeps me humble, i guess.
2737943
I answered by showing that I am not drawing the line there. the "dude buying sex in a back alley" storyline is not the issue. I'm not unable to reconcile the subject matter and plot. Substance abuse is canon. Prostitution is not, but it's not contradicted by canon either.
I am unable to reconcile the concept. "Main character becomes addict prostitute" is the base premise that I cannot reconcile. It is not a concept that makes any sense. It's a dumb idea. It's bad characterization. It is badfic. It is a well written story but it is not good FiM fanfiction. Well written and good are not the same thing. They never have been. I am commenting because I wish you would explore these themes in ways that make more sense for FiM.
The ""full-scale warfare, mind rape, politics, terrorism, and interspecies relationships"" in the stories I proofread were presented in ways and under premises that made actual sense. Not a random "what-if?" that was forced together to tell a story that has nothing to do with anything related to the show. It may not be content or subject matter that everyone should be automatically expected to enjoy based on them liking ponies. Neither is this. But if that was my problem I would not leave the comments I do.
I didn't like rainbow/Dash but I defended it's themes. You know I'm being honest here and not bullshitting. This is what I believe and hold apparent.
2738044
so the difference is that if i'd spend 20k telling how RD got here, rather than leaving it for the reader to infer, it might have been defensible?
i'm happy to agree to disagree, even if that's not the case, since i don't see the difficulty in reconciliation you're having no matter how many times you find ways to wrangle it into a sentence.
This was... mildly good. It was quite well-written, and whoever your proofer is, he's pretty good. I would tend to agree with DPV111 about the concept not making sense canonically, but I find that I always enjoy these random what-if scenarios much more if I don't worry about its canonicity.
That being said, this is nothing special. If this is the summary:
Rainbow-Dash-was-a-Wonderbolt-but-shit-fell-apart-and-now-she's-a-whore/coke fiend
Then I'm not particularly impressed with your originality. I have seen that same summary 11 or 12 times, and while even the worst of those was at least decent, this idea is getting old.
Also, we must address the matter of your OC. While it isn't horrible, per se, you could do a better description than "He's blue and yellow and has a dick". Give him some personality/identifying characteristics please.
Other than that, it really isn't bad. I give it 5/10. A decent fic, but not worthy of a follow.
Regards, Chicken
*slow clap*
2738117
"Ways" would mean, yes, actually giving some believable insight into who/what/when/where/why/how.
But you are skipping past "premises" again. I already said that "Main character becomes an addict prostitute" is the main problem here. It is so outside the bounds of what is believable for this universe that it might as well be a different thing altogether that this is based on.
The simple fact that one must disregard canon to maintain suspension of disbelief means that it is bad as fanfiction. They are not compatible. They cannot be reconciled with each other.
It can become popular because it is well written and smutty, but those things do not make it a good fic. You cannot have one of the mane 6 become a crack whore and be believable. This is a premise for a random-ass trollfic. I can only hope you wrote this ironically.
And I am not even telling you not to write it or stuff like it. I have spent 3 long-ass comments just explaining why I cannot reconcile this story as fanfiction of Friendship is Magic. I am not sure if I should be flattered or concerned that a 6 word statement required this much of a breakdown.
For some reason, I like fics that have great figures that have fallen from their glory.
2739363
Well, this does answer my question, so thank you for continuing the discussion.
I do disagree that it's beyond the bounds of believability, but I think there's plenty of room for disagreement over "what canon characters would do", and I'm not here for that debate. Peace out.
- H
Despite it's highly jarring nature in relation to the world itself, I had to fave this. It was short, disturbing, and honest.
A damn good read! Nuff said.
Subtle.
Well, I was expecting a rapefic...In a way, this was actually darker. Regardless of whether or not a person likes this fic, I think it's safe to say that you accomplished what you set out to do. So for that, I applaud you. Darkfics typically aren't my thing, but a good fic is a good fic, regardless.
I'd just like to comment on the summary, though. I had a real moment of fridge brilliance when I read it again, particularly the last bit:
It was only after reading the whole thing that I started piecing together just how Rainbow Dash had fallen so far - the drug abuse wasn't the cause, it was the effect. Something went wrong, Dash failed, and she ended up turning to drugs in order to feel like she had when she was, indeed, a star.
This is particularly striking because at first glance, it looks like the story ends on a hopeful note. Only after reading it does the reader learn that, in fact, does...But in the most twisted way possible: Dash getting her drug, and 'feeling like a star' again. In short, you're a magnificent bastard, Darf.
It seems obvious in hindsight, of course, but I just wanted to comment on that because I thought that little detail was quite interesting.
In any case, as always Darf, you don't disappoint.
2738044 2739363
I don't think there's any clarification about age here, so I suspect a facile argument could be made that this happens Way After.
However, that kind of feels like a cop-out. "Things changed, we didn't show it" is perfectly valid, but I don't think that the crux of your argument really gets addressed.
How about this: Is it possible that something not immediately apparent during the child-approved-content moments of the show eventually sent Dash the way she went before this fic happened? Maybe this happened because her parents never warned her about drugs. Maybe this happened because fame got to her. Maybe she just thought she was invincible.
The problem is that the canon is, by the nature of the format, circumscribed by the morality system that exists to protect small children. If we're going to assume the characters are adults, or live in a real world, then there are things happening in the background that are unsavory, even horrid -- and some of those things might be happening in the lives of the main characters, but never get shown because HAPPY CHILDREN TIME.
Well, okay, but isn't there just great big buckets of that everywhere? (For the definition of "sense for FiM" that you're using, because I enjoy the things that stretch the characters in unusual ways.) I mean, there are plenty of people writing stories that fit the requirements you describe. I'd almost say that's most of the fanfic.
Why not something different? Even horrendously, radically, universe-canon-tiltingly different?
You're not telling him not to, but you're telling him you wish he would. Why? I mean, if he's the one writing his stories, and you have no technical issue with them except "these violate canon, in my very closely held opinion", why wouldn't you say it once and, well, leave it at that?
I guess I'm wondering, honestly, why you care that he's writing stories that do these things. We've talked about this on a different fic, and I was fascinating by it there too.
Not to be flip, but it speaks to other people finding a resonance with the material, so when you seem to dismiss it with six words, they are a bit curious, or even a touch offended.
Here's a question: If he had slapped "Alternate Universe" on there, would this still be a discussion we'd be having?
2722881
I'm stealing that. (Now I have to go check if it's stolen from something else, sigh. This modern age.)
Whenever a dark tag and a sex tag are in the same story together, it can only mean one thing. Rape. I MIGHT read this later. Maybe.
Well, this one seems like it’ll be a pretty short stor-… Oh, hey darf!
… “windows ot the citizens” – ‘ot’ should be ‘of’.
… “leering at passerby” – ‘passerby’ should be pluralized: ‘passersby’.
… “A pool-table with” – There shouldn’t be a hyphen between ‘pool’ and ‘table’.
… “In the far corner of the bar, somepony finished their drink and set the glass on the table.” – Earlier, you said there were ponies at the bar, and “never at a table”. You may want to correct this.
… “washed way from him” – ‘way’ should be ‘away’.
… “make out it’s shape” – ‘it’s’ should be ‘its’.
… “a mix of colours, all seven” – First of all, The mane of the pegasus is six colours, not seven. And second, you failed to mention what it would be “seven colours of”. You just say “All seven”, but not “of a rainbow”.
… “can’t just ask me” – Remove one of the two spaces between ‘just’ and ‘ask’.
… “who know what he wants” – ‘know’ should be ‘knows’.
… “night air as he” – Giving the structure of the sentence, ‘as’ should be replaced with a comma.
… “multi-colored mane” – Considering how you’d spelled it, ‘colored’ should be ‘coloured’.
… “He picked them up and placed on” – ‘them’ should be placed between ‘placed’ and ‘on’.
… “a few thrust” – ‘thrust’ should be plural: ‘thrusts’.
… “signalled by moving of” – ‘the’ should be placed between ‘by’ and ‘moving’.
There are some problems with the story, that I have, but let me start with something different: I love how little is said in this story. Thoughts, interractions, even the sex, all having shades of being done for possible reasons beyond their face-value, and it's the little things that make this story so interesting for me.
The pegasus looking around after being offered "a fifth", for instance: Was she seeking to be found? Or making sure no one would find her? Did she remember her friends for a moment and think they might do something? Her former colleagues? Was she expecting something else? Thugs? Canterlot guards who might interrupt her from getting the fix she so desperately craved? That one look-around... it can hold so many meanings, so long as it isn't explained.
What about her eyes being glazed over for a moment? Was she holding back tears? Was she trying to focus on making sure she wouldn't remember or enjoy any of it because of what it would mean? Why did she simply turn back around without a sound after her concern of 'protection' was neutralized with a "No"? Did she care? Was it really all about the fix for her, at that point? Was she still holding onto some of her pride, desperately hoping she could drown it in the thoughts of what rewards this act would reap for her?
On with disagreements, Comet seemed rather curious of a pony, himself. He went from borderline scared regarding what he was doing, to fully agreeing to the "method of payment" that the pegasus was offering, to pretty much holding control over her. It seemed like way too weird of a transition: It was uneven. Why wasn't he a bit more confident in the bar? Even at the start of the "offer", he seemed almost traumatized. Comet's character shifted way too quickly, and that threw me off a lot, considering how I didn't know how to relate to him.
Was he an addict? Well, probably, he BOUGHT it after all, but why take such a small amount of effort to ascertain what the pegasus was offering? And why accept it so quick if he's an addict, himself? There were so many notes you were hitting right with this one: "Not enjoying it" on part of the pegasus? Successful, but I feel like you seriously could've went a bit further with showing how she wasn't enjoying it, or at least, was trying not to enjoy it. Those moments just begged refinement. The bar was wonderfully immersive, but the alley?
I think it's time to wrap this review up. This could've been GOLD if it sold the dark mood of the story a little bit more. Addiction, sex for favors, the shady part of town... But you know what? I feel like this could've been... maybe even BETTER, if used as a "fallen star" idea, with a lesser-known pony. First one that comes to mind, being Sapphire Shores.
Nicely written, very well done.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE
I've enjoyed this story thoroughly. Your stories had been in my read later list ever since the news of your leave reached the internet. I read this story for the purpose of clop but I never expected the deep lore behind everything going on that has been aching for continuation. It's not an unpleasant read, rather the complete opposite of it. As I've said, I've enjoyed it a whole lot and that surprised me too. Your fanfictions, while they do have lewd content, never shys away from a good story. I know this might be the 100th comment of pleading from your fans, but we all do miss you.
Two broken Ponies in a heck of a story.
I have a request. A sequel story where they bump into each other again, but during the day and Comet does know her, and wants to help her get clean.
2925862
You're a good critic.