When Princess Celestia messes up an age spell, she accidentally turns herself and Luna into fillies! Since their parents are gone, it's up to the mane six to take care of them! Especially Twilight! Can they do it, or will they need the help of somepony special to guide them?
Page generated in 0.126 seconds
Total duration
973 users online
136,971 hits today, 2,167,270 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I can totally see Rarity doing that to poor Cele
Spelling error perhaps?
Twilight had Spike out away all fragile items that Celestia could break. There were a lot, so Fluttershy *cam* over to help as well. "Thanks for helping, Fluttershy," Twilight said. Fluttershy nodded, "I always stop to help a friend in need. Now, should I put her to bed? She seems quite tired..." She was right. The Princess was now yawning and falling asleep in Twilight's arms. "That'd be very helpful, thanks," Twilight said as she gave Celestia to Fluttershy.
You do know Pound Cake is a colt not a filly
Like this e.x.
Taking care of three fillies was hard work! Pinkie Pie already had Pumpkin Cake and Pound cake to deal with, so why why WHY did she choose to watch Luna too? The two fillies and colt loved to run around and play with each other, play with Pinkie's mane, and eat! Eating everything! Pinkie could barely take it.
"Alright, you three! No eating anymore!!" Pinkie cried. The two fillies and colt tilted their heads. Pinkie raised her head, but the fillies had just began to eat some MORE! Frosting was smeared across walls, crumbs were scattered across the floor, and table cloths and rags were torn and filled with teeth marks! Pinkie groaned loudly and collapsed onto the floor. Whoever knew dealing with these fillies was so much work?
Like that.
Seems to me that may be in a bit of a rush to get this story done, I'd defiantly try to expand your chapters to increase the amount of filly adorability that takes place. But good luck with it regardless.
2694736
It's their story so it's their choice, it's not like EquestrianMiner is hiding the fact after all, so comment if you want to but be prepared for disappointment! Also (in my opinion) some people's comments should probably on balanced be deleted, if they can't say their opinions politely then they shouldn't say it at all.
Oh, this story is gonna be great!
So great...
Nice but a bit too fast. Slow down and remember "Show don't tell".
Maybe even pick an editor or some pre-readers.
Flesh out the troubles of taking care of the alicorn fillies. Maybe Tia or LuLu goes missing and their foalsitter has to find them, or alternatively how about snack time or bath time problems?
The mane six force both fillies onto Rainbow Dash telling her she has to play a part as well and Rainbow Dash admits she knows nothing about foals.
Or alternatively while at Sweet Apple Acres LuLu gets a magic surge and starts causing havoc.
In my opinion, it seemed kind of rushed.
But, meh, the story is pretty good. My idea about Applejack taking care of Princess Luna: Princess Luna was crying because she was hungry. Applejack was trying to feed her a bottle, but she doesn't want any. But then, Applejack was thinking about giving her some applejuice, and she was thinking: Should Ah NOT give her the juice, or should Ah do so?. She was really confused, but she looked at crying Luna again. She didn't want her to keep crying and starve. So she gave her the applejuice in the bottle. Luna did want that applejuice. She drunk it all, really fast. She must of been very thirsty. But she was still crying, though. Then, Applejack gave her some applesauce. She fed Luna the applesauce. Then she waited a few minutes for Luna to respond. Luna didn't do anything. She didn't cry. She just stared at Applejack, and Applejack stared back. Then Applejack picked her up, saying: "Wow, you must like applejuice and applesauce," She chuckled. "Maybe Ah can give ya' some later on in the afternoon!"
If you want, I can maybe help you with the story on Rainbow.
I think you should have an editor, and i'd be willing to help. just message me, and i can take care of it. i can also give you some behavioural ideas and storyline plot ideas too. only if you want me to, that is
Looks fun, but it feels rushed. Maybe you could add more information on why the mane 6 are there, what this training session is for and the reactions of the various characters. Also you should start a new line every time someone new speaks.
Incidentally, have you seen My little alicorn? It has a vaguely similar premise, so you could probably get some inspiration from it.
2695317
Please don't write in pink again. All you're doing is making your comment hard to read, which means many people (possibly even the author) will ignore it.
2694736 I think the author is referring to comments more along the lines of "I hate this story" or "you suck at writing" (this is not my opinion btw, I really do like this story :) ). You know, comments that aren't nice or, even if they are mean, they aren't helpful at all.
2695220 I like that first part. Lol. I'll maybe use that soon in a future chapter, and I'll give you credit!
2695211 Missing, huh? I like that idea. Give me more! You have great and funny ideas. Would you like to help with the story and some of my others? I'll message you my email if you'd like to help.
More chapters? :-)
More chapters please?
LOL LOVE IT
hope to read more soon
this story seems good, i just noticed a few errors here and there and this felt a bit fast
a few errors, and way short.
as for ideas, maybe explore celestia thinking of twilight as her mother and some heartwarming moments
maybe you could delve into how celestia and luna are thinking, seeing things from their perspective.
wait. who's raising the sun and moon?
will favourtie for now and hope for more, with longer chapters