"Maybe if you shut it, I will."
~~~~
When Vinyl Scratch takes Pinkie Pie under her hoof in being a DJ, they host an overnight dance party for all of Ponyville and Canterlot. When a pony who's been hiding in the shadows, a shy but friendly Unicorn, finally comes out of her shell, she meets lots of friends, and a stallion she's needed for all those dark years.
(Includes romance, no gore. Rated T just to be safe.)
Page generated in 0.067 seconds
Total duration
974 users online
1,405,437 hits today, 2,123,720 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
The only obvious problem I see, is several places in the story where you do this:
You must always start a new paragraph when switching from one speaker to another. Never mash a conversation into a single paragraph like this; it's hard to read and makes it difficult to follow who's saying what. It should be like this:
Vinyl Scratch, Ponyville's best and only DJ, sat on a bench, fiddling with her iPod. Her glasses had been removed, so you could see her bright red eyes. Pinkie Pie, who had been walking through town that same day, walked up to Vinyl.
"Have I seen you before? Are you... new??!!!" Pinkie asked excitedly.
Vinyl put her iPod on "sleep" and looked up at Pinkie. "No, you idiot. I'm 'DJ-Pon-3'. My real name is Vinyl Scratch."
The only time you can ever put multiple speakers in the same paragraph is if you're trying to convey a sense of confusion, or a crowd reaction, where multiple people are talking over each other all at once and it's not actually important to the reader to know exactly which person said what. For actual conversations the reader is meant to be able to follow? New speaker, new paragraph. Always.
good story keep it up!
2746517 I'm sorry, but I'm trying to keep it real. I made it perfect to understand. If you cannot understand what I made clear, then that is your problem and you shouldn't read my stories.
2747477 Thank you so much!
