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Everfree23

Joined April 2013
13 followers

Groups

Stories (4)

  • Little Magic
    When a spell goes wrong, will Twilight be able to reverse her rogue magic in time to save her life and the lives of Ponyville?

    2,178 words · 174 views · 4 likes · 0 dislikes
  • A Dash of Youth
    After a bad run in with some poison joke, Dash finds herself a young foal. She's back to her youngest state, and with no way of returning, (except for growing up, of course) will she ever live normally again?
    5,854 words · 1,892 views · 47 likes · 29 dislikes
  • Epic Pony Rap Battles Of Equestria
    A series of rap battles that help ponies settle their arguments all over Ponyville, and maybe someday, all of Equestria!
    3,314 words · 594 views · 17 likes · 13 dislikes
  • Lost and Alone
    Jacob goes to sleep one night after dinner, and when he wakes up, he finds himself a pony! What happened?
    8,497 words · 283 views · 4 likes · 34 dislikes

Blog Posts (3)

x

Scootaloo pinballed frantically around town, trying to tell whoever she could and the colt she had seen. Finally coming to a halt at the clubhouse, she flung herself at the door and burst in. Sweetie Belle and Applebloom stared at her, shocked. "What are ya doin', Scoot? Ya broke the bucking door off!" Applebloom exclaimed angrily, pointing at the empty door hinges.

She turned to Sweetie Belle, and gasped. The door had smash into her, pinning her against the wall and knocking her out cold. "Sweetie Belle!" she gasped, lunging at her friend and shaking her.

"Applebloom, guess what I saw on Twilight's TV? It was a-" Scootaloo started.

"Sweetie Belle, wake up, are y'all ok now? Sweetie Belle? Sweetie Belle!" Applebloom cried as she shook her fellow crusader. "AppleBloom!  It was a dead-" Scootaloo tried to explain.

"Scootaloo, not now!" Applebloom hissed. "Sweetie Belle, Sweetie Belle!". Finally, Sweetie Belle's eyes flickered open and she gasped a tiny puff of air.

"Oh, good! You're awake! I can finally tell Applebloom my story!" Scootaloo cheered. Both other fillies gasped, and Scootaloo gave a puzzled look. "Sweetie Belle, you can hear it too, of course." she assured, waving her hoof as if it was a completely obvious statement. Applebloom glared viciously.

"Yer best pal Sweetie Belle could have died 'cause uh yer dumb move, and all yah care about is yer darned story!" she accused, putting her hoof in the middle of Scootaloo's chest, pinning her there. "What's wrong with y'all!?" she hissed.

Sweetie Belle gave an upset look of anger and sadness, and looked at Scootaloo. "You didn't even care!" she teared up as she walked out of the clubhouse. She walked on and on, until she reached the boutique. She sighed, plopping down in the tree in front of it. Suddenly, a drop of water was felt on her coat. Then another, then another. it was raining, slowly and lightly at first, but then, heavily and quickly. Good. Under the cover of rain, nobody could see her tears. Slowly, she let them fall.

Like the rain, there were more and more as time passed.

"...Sweetie Belle?" asked a voice. "Ah knew y'all'd be here. This is yer spot when the world feels big." Applebloom layed down beside her friend. Sweetie Belle sniffled. "Sweetie, ah know what Scootaloo did was horrible, and ah don't expect y'all to forgive her any time soon. But y'all need tuh know, I'll always be here for y'all when ye'r sad." Applebloom smiled weakly, and lifted her friend's chin with her hoof. "Y'all can't let Scootaloo rule yah, we're the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and that means friends forever, Sweetie Belle. Everything will turn out ok, I promise!".

Tears trickled from Sweetie's eyes, but she wiped them away and took a deep breath before standing up, still letting her eyelids droop, and tear stains remain on her cheeks. "Let's do one of those thingies Twilight has, maybe. What's it called, an Awesome Song War or something?" she suggested.

"An Epic Pony Rap Battle of History? Sounds like a great idea!" Applebloom praised.


"EPIC PONY RAP BATTLES OF EQUESTRIA!" Twilight screamed.

"SCOOTALOO,"

"VS...SWEETIE BELLE AND APPLEBLOOM!"

"BEGIN!"

Really Sweetie, it was just a door!

How could something so meaningless pin you to the floor?

Worthless, horrid, disrespectful and weak!

What's that Weepy Belle? Too sad to speak?

I'm incredible at everything that has to do with anything

or nothing at all that has to do with your sad life and menacing.

You're useless, stupid, can't rap to save your life!

Not at all would I be surprised if someday you grew and had a wife!

Sweetie gasped, and felt the tears come again. She couldn't do this. Scootaloo had gone too far.

"Applebloom, I can't do this!" she sobbed. Applebloom gasped. She had to do something!

Scootaloo, you've gone over the line!

You're a bad friend, can't y'all tell that that ain't fine?

Sweetie Belle is sad! I better help her out!

Unlike you, who I couldn't give a flying feather 'bout!

Yer not a crusader!

Yer a betrayer!

A slayer!

You'll never be the mayor!

You're the worst friend in history,

why is a mystery!

Maybe it's 'cause yer all alone and y'all got no family!

Scootaloo's eyes welled with tears at the thought of her dead parents.

I can't BELIEVE YOU!

YOU'RE EVIL!

WITH NO CONSIDERATION!

THE SOLID CONCENTRATION OF MY RHYMES IS ENOUGH

TO BLAST YOU OFF TO A PLACE WHERE THE LOVE IS TOUGH.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT SWEETIE ANYMORE!

BOTH MY FRIENDS BETRAYED ME,

BOTH MY FRIEND'S ARE WHORES!

AM NOT!!!!!!

ARE TOO!!!!!!!

AM NOT!!!!!!!!!

ARE TOO!!!!!!!!!!

AM NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"STAAAAAAAAAHP!" Applebloom screamed, pulling a sobbing Sweetie Belle away from a soulless looking Scootaloo.

"No!" Sweetie Belle wailed.

YOU'RE A DEMENTED LITTLE ORPHAN

WITH NOTHING TO LIVE FOR!

WHY DON'T YOU JUST DIE NOW!

OR SPARE US ALL AND WALK OUT THE DOOR NOW!

WE HATE YOU! YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS ANYMORE!

I'M A BUCKING DICTIONARY, WANNA KNOW THE MEANING OF WHORE?!

I THINK NOT!

I'LL TELL YOU NOW,

IT'S SCOOTALOO!

I'M LEAVING! I'M SO TIRED OF BEING PLAYED BY YOU!

"WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE IN THE COMMENTS BELOW!" Twilight screamed.

Sweetie Belle ran off in a hysterical fit of sobs. "Sweetie Belle, wait!" Applebloom called, and galloped a few step before stopping and turning to Scootaloo who was facing the ground but still looking at Applebloom, with her ears down. "Ah hope ya'll'er happy now." Applebloom scowled, and began to gallop again.

Comments ( 18 )

#1 · 59w, 5d ago · 3 · 2 ·

:rainbowderp: Wow that was intense Can't wait for the next chapter btw scootaloo won

#2 · 59w, 5d ago · 7 · 2 ·

Do you guys really have to go as far as to say I'm a teriible writer? That's I'm worthless and pathetic, that I'm immature and dumb? I don't want to fight all the time like I always end up doing on any story I write, so I'm deleting any mean comments. Please just stop!

*Sigh* I've taken a look at your previous story and come back to this.

And quite frankly I am not a fan of you're attitude.

People are giving you advice to make it better and all you're doing is deleting comments and picking fights. That's why they're mean to YOU.

And I wouldn't be surprised if this comment was deleted either. Go on. Prove everyone right. Again.

Sure when I came here I wasn't as good. But eventually I got better. How? By accepting advice. By learning from my mistakes. And where am I now?

150+ followers strong.

I'm not here to boast, but I think you could seriously be better had you actually opened up and actually learned from your mistakes.

So it's up to you. Do you want to have bad stories that are easy to write but are universally hated? Or do you want to admit your mistakes and write good fics that people other then yourself will enjoy?

#3 · 59w, 5d ago · 2 · ·

>>2682587

I am not going to delete your comment, but only because it is advice WITHOUT insults. Whenever my stories get mean comments, somehow, a fight always starts. That's the reason I delete them before something starts. If you have any advice about my story, I'd love to hear it

#4 · 59w, 5d ago · 2 · 5 ·

>>2682587

Also, I am not picking fights

#5 · 59w, 4d ago · 5 · ·

>>2684221 Regardless of whether insults are present or not, advice is advice. I understand if the comment is all hate and no advice, but never overlook info just because there's a mean insult attached to it.

And as for fights, just leave the comments alone and ignore them. Never ever engage a mean comment.

Unless it is ridiculously stupid. Then maybe.

Now onto the story...

Well, for starters, there is already a Rap battle fic. Although you have changed some elements, the big picture in general is more or less the same. And for that, you WILL be accused of copying. Regardless of whether you've seen Epic Rap Battles of MLP before or not.

And also, the story, I know, you're kinda new, this is only your second fic, but it's kind of rushed. Go into detail about your surroundings, the background, everything you can think of really.

I see potential, but, you can further your skill if you just follow what other people say. Even if they are mean.

Kid, I can relate, believe me.  Having people just insult your fic is bad, even worse when that user is very popular.

All said and done, I suggest you stop deleting comments, and do your best to improve. If you need tips, help, anything, fell free to leave a PM.

-RIPTID3

#6 · 59w, 3d ago · · ·

Well first off someone.... >>2684650 pretty much said most of what was on my mind.  And phrased it better then I'm sure I could even given time:facehoof:.  In my opinion (not that it should matter to anyone or anypony) is that at the least the CMC battle could use some work.  Other then that I look forward to seeing more:twilightblush:.

#7 · 58w, 1d ago · 2 · 2 ·

You fucking deleted the comments.

GO DIE IN A HOLE!

#8 · 58w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

>>2731959

What are you talking about? I stopped deleting comments a long time ago. You, my friend, are obviously a troll. Get your trollballs of my story, for I do not like trollballs :eeyup:

#9 · 58w, 1d ago · · ·

>>2731999

I'm not a troll.

Yo are a troll

#10 · 58w, 1d ago · · 3 ·

>>2732060

You annoy me, for I am not a troll, I am the person who's going to make your life online a living hell if you don't stop right now :twilightangry2:

#11 · 58w, 1d ago · · 1 ·
#12 · 58w, 1d ago · · ·

>>2732128

You make absolutely not sense at all. So I will block you. Good day.

#13 · 53w, 2h ago · 1 · 1 ·

WOAH GUYS!!! SCOOTS HIT SB IN THE FACE WITH A DOOR YOU MADE FUN OF HER DEAD PARENTS!!!! TOOO FAAAAAAR!!!!!!!

:ajsleepy::pinkiesad2::fluttershbad::pinkiegasp::rainbowderp::twilightoops:

#14 · 52w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

i thank scootaloo won

#15 · 50w, 7h ago · 2 · ·

Sir/madam, don't listen to the haters. I actually enjoyed your story and put your raps to music. I tweaked the lyrics slightly but most of it was original. Your a pretty good writer and though I understand constructive criticism, don't listen to the haters. Listen to the people that give you tips on how to improve.

About the battle. I think scootaloo won but I also think her friends went to far. Mentioning her parents crosses a line as does what AB says before leaving. It isn't Scootaloo's fault but AB makes it seem like it is. It was Sweetie's idea and therefore all her fault.

#16 · 8w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

I noticed you fed a para sprite known as Theater Critic. Totally agreeing with MonkeyKnight, I recommend avoiding them. Actually, it is better to delete a parasprite's comment than have it sit there getting likes and then they gain confidence without your feedback, and they will multiply.

Btw, Sweetie Belle hands down won this round of:

EPIC PONY RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!!!!

#17 · 8w, 1d ago · · ·

Will read when I get the time. Always curious to see what someone else envisions for a rap-centered story. :scootangel:

#18 · 4w, 3d ago · · ·

>>2928342

I think so too. Well, Apple Bloom was good too.

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