Fluttershy never knew her parents. And one day she gets a shocking change in herself. She learns that she is royal. But then how are the princesses related to her?
There is a war around the corner. And she can easily be hostage so she is forced into hiding. And she tries to prevent it. She finds romance along the way that may help her.Will she succeed or will her homeland get torn by war?Read to find out!
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Your story summary has sentences with multiple topics in it. That kind of screams "do not read" since the rest of the story is probably going to have similar issues. There are plenty of guides out there to writing complete sentences.
2941412 Is that better? And thanks for telling me. I'm writing this story also to improve my writing. Thanks!
if you want a advice... space it a little, so many paragraphs together sometimes is hard to read
besides that keep it rolling!!!
2941942 Thank I will! Glad you like the story!
This story is so adorable, I love it
2944383 Thanks!
:
This doesn't feel like Fluttershy speaking to me. It just feels... off, somehow.
2946140 I know and I'm super sorry, but if she''s herself the story won't be going anywhere.
2946140
reading the fic, i am curious as to what the secret is but the whole perspective of fluttershy seems a bit off to me. But over all it is a good read.
"'We should tell Celestia she'll be so happy for you to think that her only..' said Twilight .
First, you forgot 'off'. It should read "...said Twilight cutting herself OFF."
Second, Fluttershy is Celestia's daughter!
It is a very creative story. But I feel you don't really understand the real Fluttershy that much.
Sure, she's a bit of a pushover and yeah, it gets me smiling to know she's changing her ways a bit.
But try to also focus that her whole life, animals were likely her only friends before the crew came along. To see her kick them out is kind of heartbreaking because she would never do that.
Also I think you should try to fix up your writing. Get to know your own characters too so you won't be stumped at choosing how they look.
I'm not saying it's bad but it's needs some work.
I'll still be reading though so yeah.
~NoNN
it couldn't be more obvious if you reenacted star wars!
again could not be more obvious if you waved a signs saying who fluttershys mother is.
Nice!I hope it will update soon.