Amidst the Destruction and the Chaos, The Blood and Tears, the Hatred and Loss, A Legionary finds a glimmer of hope, happiness and redemption in Ponyville...
But the Question is...
How Long can he stay in this happy and peaceful place?
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Hello dear readers! Ave! Thank you for taking the time to read this Fic!
This is my first Fic and I would really appreciate some feedback and suggestions.
I am trying to make the battle more historical and I'm using real Roman names (In case if you guys think the names are pretty weird)
Good so far. I will say, never seen a story involving the Roman empire.
It is very good so far, sometimes there is a little sentence that could be worded better, but besides that its fine. Trust me, I have read stories with a thousand readers and there story it self sucks. I was never that interested in the roman military but you and your story many be changing that. Keep up the good work.
Yes, this is finally getting somewhere! look forward to the next chapter.
You might just want to explain that this was the sound of a legion in synchronized march that would be so much better than 'Crunch!' I imagined something entirely different at that part. You should never really try to sound out the sound of something in a written story.
For example "POW!" could mean a hundred different things it could be a drum beating or a gun shot it doesn't enhance stories at all.
>>Sausage Enlarger 5000 Hahaha I must admit, I was pretty stuck on how to make the readers hear the sound of a marching army and so far, that's the best I can think of. hahaha Thanks for the tip though.
>>RancidMuffin Thanks! That's why you may have noticed some missing parts of the story in the first and second chapters hahaha I just want to the story more mysterious hahaha Thank you so much for giving feedback!
This is getting really good. Keep writing.
2202873 Hahaha Thanks Dicaeus! I can't help but notice, are you a Rome: Total War fan?
Goddammint, man you made me tear up... good job on doing that.
2202990
Yeah, it's one of my favorite games. My name and avatar is from one of my favorite Greek generals. Now I'm just trying to sate myself until Rome II is released (hopefully this year).
2204700 Yay! A fellow RTW fan! hahaha I based the main character's name on my favourite Roman general. I usually use Romans because they are more quick at moving across the map.
YES.
Also, never leave home without your gladius. I suppose the knife he mentioned is his pugio?
2244350 he is legion he'll be fine.
I need more chapters.... for rome!
2244350 Hahaha YAY! And Yes. A Legionary is always supposed to bring his Pugio.
Keep up the good work!
2282616 Thanks!
Did you know thre was a roman legion called legio X Equestris?
2301371 Yes! The "Famous Tenth" is one of my most favourite Legions of all time! It was also Julius Caesar's favourite and most trusted Legion! Glad you knew that!
There was also a Roman order of Knights or the "Equestrian Knights".
very nice
uldnt it be more interesting if a byzantine soldier ( they called themselves eastern romans) from about 500 - 800 ad came into equestria later?
2312066 Hahaha, Well, the eastern Roman empire, or the Byzantine Empire was pretty much failing. It's old military pride has been lost through their defeats. It lost Egypt, Syria and pretty much most of the Eastern Roman empire. Only Constantinople is left.
Hmmm... I'm not really sure about which is more interesting. History is very interesting. I myself don't really know much about the Byzantines except that they were attacked by Fellow Christians (Crusaders) and later got defeated by the sultans and became Muslim. Glad you actually thought of that!
(If you do decide on making a story about a Byzantine soldier, I would gladly help.)
2311861 Thanks!
2315804
Well I was thinking of him being into this story... possibly the sequal so it would probably have more tension if the byzantine soldier told the legionary about the fate of rome
Plus no one has done a byzantine soldier
This is a very nice story, I love the sad bits, too. Always nice to see how an innocent being would react to a battle hardened veteran of Rome.
2317321 Hmmm... I'll think about it. Thanks for the suggestion!
Vini, vidi, vici...
Well, you've earned yourself a like and a fav. Now have some moustache:
Cool. I see you played Rome Total War.
2321121 Hahaha Yes. I do. That's where I developed an obsession with the Roman military. Do you play RTW?
2319765 Thanks!
2321986 You aren't the only one that plays RTW. I'm obsessed with the TW series.
2321986 Yes, but only RTW. I WISH I had MTW2, or RTW2. javascript:smilie('
');
2323230 Hahaha Same here! I would seriously want the whole TW series! Oh well...
2323969 Que sera sera, I guess.
This is the historian in me but the name of the German leader is wrong, Arminius/Hermann was the commander of the German forces in the Battle of the Teutoburg Forest
2332613 Hahaha I don't think so. He was the commander of the Auxiliary forces of General Varus' army. He led the Romans right into his trap. He had already gathered the Germanic tribes beforehand to wipe out the Legions. Thanks for clarifying!
Enjoying this so far!
I'm afraid you have made a grave mistake. When someone speaks you use "these."
'This is used for thoughts and all words should be italicized while in them.'
Ah, another story of a Roman soldier in Equestria....awesome! The first I read waas the Ponies and The Ninth. So, who is Caesar during the events of this story? (If the Byantine Empire exists in this time to, sweet) Paxas Romana! Long Live Rome!
2336168 Oh. Really? Hahaha Sorry about that. It's gonna take a lot of work to change all those... Oh well...
Hope you enjoyed the story so far though!
2336184 Augustus Caesar (Octavian). Hahaha You must be very familiarised with the Roman Military then! Pax!
So far I'm impressed with this. Though I do wonder what Celestia's reaction will be to meeting him
2336552
Yes that shall be fun. Especially as he has made friends with the mane six
2336685
I suspect she will be cautious, but will not jump the gun like AJ or RD. Though she will politely ask Luna why she wasn't told about their guest.
alterius boni capitulo. tamen CABALLIO non potest verberare LEGIONARIUS in proelio Legionis olim fuit maxime pwerful exercitus in mundo et unum LEGIONARIUS est magis ut pares hosti habeamus quicquam ponys ponere potest quartus.(latin)
another good chapter. however a pony can not beat a Legionary in battle the Legion was once the most pwerful army in the world and one Legionary is more then a match for anything the ponys can put fourth(english)
... oh fuck i forgot magic...
2337074 Hahaha Aye. Romans were the ultimate Infantry soldiers during it's time. Hahaha Too bad they didn't have an air force and magic sorcerers. (Or did they?)
Reminds me of beginning of gladiator
2336324 I bucking love Roman culture and Mythology. Even though I DESPISE slavery. I like Caesar's Legion in Fallout New Vegas mainly for the Roman feel in a Post-Apocalyptic world with guns is AWESOME. Oh, and Legate Lanius is pretty cool. Also, thank God Caligula, or worse TIBERIUS was caesar, are not Kaesar. Also, it would be neat to introduce Hannibal, Brutus, or Hadrian (even if they are either dead or not born yet.) Also, the main character (curse my crap memory) should comment on how the Royal Gaurd's helmets resemble galea.
2337395 Hahaha I've never actually seen the movie. But I heard it was good!