You probably not going to believe me, but Diamond Tiara is extremely intelligent, more intelligent then words can describe. What shocked me was how nice she was to me when I talked to her. I asked her how she learned to treat people (and ponies) so well. She looked down, a little ashamed, and said, "Let me tell you how..." (Because she can't tell a story to save her life, I've have done her the liberty of dressing it up quite nicely.)
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If what I'm about to write seems outlandish, call me out on it. Sometimes, I read into things too much. By the way, I did like the story.
At first, the last paragraph seemed very uncharacteristic of Diamond Tiara's personality established before that point. Then, I remembered the description had seemed like this story was told by Silver Spoon.
I'm going to go out on a thin limb of the longest branch in the tallest tree and say that Diamond Tiara got in trouble when she left the crime scene. This story would seem like Silver Spoon's way of showing Diamond Tiara in a better light when business went sour.
Also, it is not a big deal but in the beginning of the story you wrote 'Cheerlee' when it is 'Cheerilee' in a few places and 'You probably' instead of 'You're probably' in the description.
Not a bad idea for a story. Diamond and Silver engage in shady business practices resulting in negative consequences, but like often happens in real life, the victims of the business world end up losing on all accounts. This might be the first story I've read to see Bonbon and Lyra take on a villainous role. It definitely makes an interesting change to the norm, especially when Diamond and Silver are arguably the protagonists.
This story has no winner. The store ends up wrecked, Twist ends up scarred for life, Bonbon and Lyra end up arrested, and Diamond's left contemplating the ethical side of business. I guess Diamond will need to get over that some time it if she's to succeed in her field.
What's most interesting about the setup of this story is that everything essentially takes place at the very end. Diamond's anger at blank flanks originally appears to be where the central theme of the story is headed, but after the frenzy at the candy store, we see that it doesn't really serve much of a purpose in the story. Since the focus of the story relates to the morality of business, I think it would have made more sense for Diamond to embellish more on that instead when she talks with Twist by the swings. Since this is such a short story, it's important to have a strong focus that keeps things to the point. Could also use a good deal of editing.
I'd call this story a thin lollipop with a candy center. Everything happens at the end, and the candy is delightfully more sour than one would initially expect. I just wish I knew why this story was called 'A Tiara and a Spoon' instead of 'Just Business'.
Make the most!
Holy moly!
2747051
Thanks for the analysis! I just wanted to show that Diamond and Silver are not complete jerks, just misunderstood.
2640074
For short stuff like this, I hate to have to find an editor, and I only go over it a couple of times. Thanks for looking out for me though.
2795655 one other thing I didn't get why Twist would even want the Crusaders to help. I mean Bloom totally abandoned her after she got her mark first and their reputation is one of chaos, destruction and stupidity!
I guess
is just that lovable and forgiving. I guess she was desperately trying to include her former best friend even though Applebloom doesn't even acknowledge her existence.
I like the thought of Diamond and Silver being Twist's friend and in a mutually beneficial business venture together..