Twilight Sparkle wakes up and Discovers that somethings can be as bad as she thought it could get!
there is 3 parts and each part has 10 chapters, except for part 3 wich is the final part. That's only 7 chapters long.
warining: Apple Jack fans and Rainbow Dash fans or any fans of the Mane 6, If you don't like your fav character of the mane 6 being killed or dying then don't read this at all! rated teen for major death and some small swearing that is censored.
Changed the pic back to what it was before beacuse the current one that i had before i changed it back did not fit that well. Btw: Discord comes in around chapters 4-6. then he becomes a main character. scootaloo comes in when The sequel begins!
Well, I got more stories comin soon! Each will be better than the last! So Tshalmof Chapter 2 Comin Out once my writers block goes away! Q: for chap 2., Should i or should i not censor out Dashies Funeral? If i do censor it out i will start the chapter with The Rest of the mane 6 ( Or should i say Mane 4?) Gettin' Ready for the funeral. Then the scene will change to the end of the funeral. I want to do this beacuse it might be a little to hard to write a funeral scene. Beacuse i cry easily, if you don't think i should tell me, Also if i don't censor it, can somepony be nice and give me a lil' idea of how a funeral should go? Please? Also, Would somepony like to be my pre-reader? So they can proofread my Storys and My Chapters? Please, i am not always able to be aware of things. Okay I am partailly Terrible at Certain Grammer things wich i shall not list and i am in 7th grade, I have ADHD So that is partially the reason why my Fan-Fics are a little bit diffrent so i tend to kinda think " Out Of the Box!" So if you want to be be my Pre-reader, Please Pm me on here or On my Deviant Art Page! Da page url is listed on my profile! Btw: This is Kinda A Final Destination and Mlp Fim with a Hint of my Fav Crime Show Bones! ( The Main Characters from Bones may appear as ponies. Don't like that? Deal with it!)
Plz no criticisim that is really harsh. This took me 4 hours to type up considering that this is my longest chapter yet. well,it is the only chapter for right now. note. if this gets passed moderation, i might not update for a week or 2 maybe longer. Due to school and the factor that i wanna try and at least make this new fic the best one i have evermade.
Btw peeps, i need pepole that will gladly help me revise my upcoming chapters for this fic.
if you love to revise other peeps fics and have a really good way of telling the author what needs fixing and other stuff that you fix after it gets revised in a nice,gentle,non offenseve way of doing it
plz
What!? A Gal can't be serious and a bit not serious sometimes!? What do you mean by " are you serious" ?
is this a troll fic?
ehhh Ive read better but this is by far not the worst thing Ive read its just idk im going to have to read it again for my final opion but uhh yaa also I would rewrite that description I mean your pretty much telling the whole story just in the description thats a big no no wheres the suprise? By just reading the description I knew applejack was going to die and exactly how dash died so I wasnt that effected by it you know? It can use some work but I have faith that if you edit this it could be a good story about how celestia and luna try to help twi cope with the loss of her friends it has a lot of potiental its just how you excutied it was wrong not the story its self hope this helps you
240227
Whoops! Sorry!
Gonna go fix descripsion!
well the description is better but Theirs still no suprise I Know im kinda of nagging but It still reavels to Much Just by reading it I know whos going to die then you pretty much spoiling the next chapters and possible sequal by telling us whos going to be in it a good description for this would be along the lines of " Twilight's Day doesnt start off to good(following for a reason why her day is bad but not spoiling anything about the story such as a headache or the library is a mess you know stuff that would ruin twis day) but it only gets worse when a series of terriable things happen How will she cope with all of this and will luna and celestia be able to help her?" you see By just writing this Im hooking a potiental reader and im not spoiling to much about the story their going to know things arnt going to go the way she wants them to just by the tags im also not telling them anything about other chapters or sqeals
There is only a problem with your chapter, you need to put who talks because I have no idea who is who talking (I don't think he was trying to make a troll fic) you have a good idea about what your writing, just make sure you fix the dialogue parts (I've read worse, but I dont think your fic is bad, just needs a bit of fixing and it'll be great)
-Silverness
240408 i'll fix it and
by the way...... I'm a Girl.......
240421 woops
sorry bout that VStarRainbow Dash <.<
as i now always say!
I'll fix it whenever i have free time! but that won't be that often due to me going to school and having to keep my Pony obbsession on a low profile beacuse they make big deals about that kinda stuff! First pokemon, Now Super mario, then back to pkmn! i won't let them not find out that i like Mlp fim!
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240500 I see, well I'm still going to track this to see how it is later one when you update it and yea I guess its true what you say about guys posting more than girls most of the time.
yup!
YAY!!!! THE SEQUEL TO MY PINKIE DASH FIC WAS APPROVED!!! I AM SOOOOOOOOO HAPPY!
240408 was gonna fix it yesterday but my internet wouldn't work so, i couldn't use the internet. But i did get a head start on chapter 2. but it won't be done for a few days or so.
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So i'll fix this bit by bit ok? Ya'll Fine with Dat?
Ok! I"m Gonna go read some other fanfics and fix up my 2 PinkieDash One-Shots!
Like most pointed out I'll list the problems I see. First there is nothing telling you who is saying what. So it becomes a jumbled confusion very fast. Then it goes from past tense, to present tense, and gets confusing fast also. There are no paragraphs which make it difficult to read. Then there are random cap 'd words in the middle of a sentence and no spaces where they belong. To many typos to point each one out. It looks like this story was rushed and that you didn't proofread it at all. You should take more time when writing a chapter and I'm positive the quality of it will increase ten-fold. When I first started writing my stories would always start in this quality, but after going through it 5 times, I'd have only a few typos and it was always much better.
My suggestion to you would be to take more time making better quality stories. I'm talking about spending a few days on a story and few hours. Sometimes it's best to leave your old work alone and go on to something new so you can see the progress you've made. These are just tips for you to take if you'd like. I'm not trying to be mean, just want to give you some tips on getting better at writing. Good luck on any future stories. Just noticed you don't that criticism well. But let me just tell you that if you listen to good suggestions you will definitively become a better write in the end.
277318
I did.
i wrote a AppleDash fic that you can actually tell what they are sayin! and there is alota Song lyrics that i put in so you guys know what song they are singing!
This will go back on hiatus on April 10th beacuse i go back to school on that day! For chapter 2, i am in fact censoring Dashie's Funeral a bit, with the most sad parts taken out beacuse i can't write very depressing things just yet, this will be my first attempt at an actual depressing chapter.
Okay! Me re write whole thing? Nope! Gonna Put Up each bit in diffrent chapters!
Also Speaking Key! " means that Pinkie or Spike is talking or responding" : means that Rarity or Aj's Spirit or Conciense is Speaking or etc.: * means that Rainbow's spirit or Conciense or her in a flash back is talking etc.* ( means that the 2 pricesses are talking or etc.) { means that anyone else is talking and Etc. [ means that Twilight is talking or etc.]
In my sister's words " THIS IS THE WORST< POSSIBLEE THING!!!"