Years after the great war and Nightmare Moons defeat and the great Helmet being taken away into shadow... Twilight Sparkle, daughter of Velvet Sparkle, and bearer of the one Helmet, is sent on a quest to the Badlands deep in the Macintosh Hills to the Volcanic area of Mt. Doom to destroy Nightmare Moons helmet. She is joined by the Fellowship of the Helmet, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Celestia, Luna, Braeburn, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy.
Based on Lord of The Rings: The Fellowship of The Ring.
Note: This is an alternate universe, so some ponies will not related to each other as they would be in canon.
Also, the map of Equestria will be changed for this universe.
Story cover by my great friend, Venauva. http://venauva.tumblr.com
Editing and Proof-reading by Featherheart http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Featherheart
Written by Me and Autoknight01 http://www.fimfiction.net/user/AutoKnight01
Oh yes... your title has earned a like and a fave, I will most certainly read this later. I will be watching this story intently, please do not disappoint.
Also the cover art is quite awesome...
Edit: I quite like the story so far, but does AJ really have to be a fillyfooler in every story I read? I guess that means Dashie will end up as one too huh?
Hmm... this has got quite a bit of premise here.
Of course, being a LotR fan brought me to this story.
Still, Starswirl being a mare threw me off: I always thought that Starswirl the Bearded was a dude.
But overall, the writing is good, the stories clash together magnificently and mesh brilliantly, and I laughed at how Trixie is Gollum/Smeagol.
Good job. Will favorite and see where this goes.
I LOVE THIS STORY! Lord of the Ring Ponified!
Grammar Nazi Approves!
1480217
I'm sorry you feel that way about Starswirl, I've been informed that a lot of the fanon worked around Starswirl being a girl and pretending to be a guy cuz of the earlier ages when stallions > mares? I guess.
1480409
Hmm... that makes sense I suppose. Never thought of it that way but it is certainly plausible.
Sorry, this isn't about the story... Well, it kinda is, but still. Griping.
1480397
>Grammar Nazi Approves
>Somehow misses the incorrect punctuation of dialogue (1), using numerals rather than the written out forms (2) and the incorrect use of a colon (3)
I'm afraid your National-Socialist License has been revoked, Hans Qwer360. Report to the Fuhrer immediately for execution, court-martial and a stern talking to.
As for the points raised, here yah go author:
(1) :
a) “That would be lovely.” Celestia replied.
b) “I trust your mother is quite excited for tonight.” The tall mare said.
c) “Celestia?” she breathed, shocked.
If the sentence after the dialogue contains a verb used to indicate speech, then you do not end the dialogue with a period or capitalise the start of that sentence. The first two are clear fire cases of you punctuating incorrectly; the last one is an iffy case in which breathing doesn't really count as a speaking verb. You'd be better off with wheezed here.
(2) :
a) 111 years old is quite a feat.
b) (60 years later).
Unless your numbers are gigantic, write them out. Numerals break immersion just as badly as ().
(3) :
a) but sobered as she asked:“You are going to tell her, aren’t you?”
b) But something happened then the Helmet did not intend: despite the fact that the Rambling Rock Ridge tunnels were crawling with griffins and manticores, the Helmet was picked up by the last thing it imagined: another pony.
c) Three were given to the dragons; immortal, wisest, and strongest of all beings.
That first one's a case of you breaking the golden rule with colons: the sentence preceding it is an independent clause. In other words, you can replace the colon with a period and everything's fine and dandy for the part on the left. What happens to the bit on the right doesn't matter so much. Here, you need to add an indirect object onto that verb in order to make the sentence work (aka, But sobered as she asked this question: "[...]).
The second's a case of you just getting too carried away. Lose that colon between intend and despite. It has no real business being there.
And the last one's you using a semicolon when you wanted a colon. It's probably a typo.
1481992
I never review. I just say that it's good. Did I ever say I was criticizing?
1481992
1. Thanks for catching those for me. There were a lot of these infractions when it came my way, but I thought that I had caught most of them.
I will argue with the last one, though; if it's a question, it doesn't need to be capitalized afterwards. This goes back to when question marks could be placed in the middle of sentences without stopping the sentence, a practice that we have thankfully disposed of. Also, "breathed" is an accepted verb to replace "said." Imagine saying something under your breath. You can call that "breathing" a word. Wheezed would be... questionable; its connotations are off from the image we were trying to convey. I see wheezed as being more like someone sick or out of breath, not simply letting a word leave their mouth as they breathe.
2. The first one is fine; after 100, most people will abbreviate the number into numerals (especially if it'd be a long, drawn out word like "one-hundred-and-eleven"), but I agree that 60 should've been sixty. Thanks again for catching that.
3. The first one could omit the colon, for sure, but I disagree with your statement that it could be replaced by a period. I need a direct object of what she asked. Otherwise it looks like: "...but sobered as she asked. 'You are going to tell her, aren’t you?'" It should be a comma if anything, but definitely not a period.
The second one should be a semi-colon as it separates two interrelated independent clauses. I could use a period there, but as you can probably tell I have a fetish for semi-colons.
This one could go either way, though I agree with you; it'd make more sense as a colon.
Seriously though, thanks for catching these. I want this story to be the best it can be, and you've helped me learn what to look for.
i just noticed this as i was reading.
Chrysalis began smiling again. “They will find the ring. And kill the one who carries it.” She assured.
isn't it supposed to be a helmet in this story?
other than that, i'm loving it so far
Twilight as Frodo
Applejack as Samwise
Pinkie and Fluttershy as Merry and Pippin
Trixie as Smeagol
celestia as Gandalf
can't wait to see who plays aaragorn, legolas, gimli, and the others
1512972
Thank you for pointing that out! I just made the edit.
that's what i'm here, for :) keep up the good work
1513333
Wrong on all accounts except Uruk-Hai
Mind if I asked what are you stopping for?
I would like to see more if you had not delayed even more.
Next chapter?