• Member Since 10th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 13th, 2018

Flaming unicorn 123


T
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It's 2213 and humanity is set to expand and colonize space. But what if something goes wrong and all of humanity goes extinct , at least this humanity. Scientists have created a portal to another dimension to send three ships to explore and colonize. What happens read to find out.

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 24 )

Can you explain how the engines work? Seems like a cool idea keep it up!

i clicked like and it went from 5 to 8 i blame humans

not bad for first story but try to make the chapters longer; people like longer chapters:twilightsheepish::twilightsmile:

Work on your pony dialog. Twi didn't feel like Twi for me. I'm not really liking it but I will wait for the next chapter before I decide if I'm going to keep reading or not

Nigga you gotta use some commas, cause' I can't figure out where to pause. Work on your spelling too, other than that I like where your going with the story, keep it up.

I waited so long for the next chapter and this is what I find! Gah, so what will be your release schedule for the chapters?

3008359 I'm guessing Hydrogen/Oxygen fusion engines if they use water to power them

V-35 ox transports, of course you had to make it related to GDI

3071328

You hit the nail on the head that's exactly what they're using

well that happened.

Why do you avoid saying damn, but you say other cusswords just fine? Either spellem right, or don't say em at all. :facehoof:

Typo in the shorthand description. Dangerous thing to have.

Please make your chapters a bit longer.... It hurts to have them end so quickly. :applecry:

well, I hope for the ponies' sakes that they're here to negociate

Yummy Yummy ass fruits.
I like it keep it up!

Aww, I was hoping that we would see his 'how the buck did they know?' Face. :rainbowlaugh:

need more chapters NAO

Should be interesting

So far, this entire story seems to need an overhaul as far as grammar goes (especially dialogue grammar, where it was almost non-existent [but at least, mostly consistent]). Another thing that there is no descriptions of anything. Stop telling us things and show them to us. This could have easily been a 4,000 word chapter if not for the failed time-skip, the utter lack of descriptions, and the bland narration. There's a good story here, but it's buried under a lot of mistakes that could be fixed if you had an editor.

Okay, for a first attempt, but it could be significantly better. Also, get rid of this line in the description: "What happens read to find out." It does nothing but make your story look bad, as a poorly edited and poorly worded description can completely trash a story.

A few spelling errors, but okay. The one that kept jarring me out of the story was "Sargent", though... it's "Sergeant".

Well, the rifle that director took interstellar Marines, good one

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