After failing to stop the black hole on the capital ship of the Uber-Ethereal, the psionic volunteer instead converts it into a worm hole, and sacrificing himself and his squad to save Earth. But the volunteer, unknowingly, alerted another alien warship, loaded with ET's, when the disturbance of energy occurred. Now, after saving the Earth, the volunteer and his squad find themselves cut off from the XCOM Project, with a a battleship of vengeful aliens hurtling towards them. But, that's just the tip of the iceberg when they find themselves in a world, filled with technicolor ... talking ... ponies. Still, things are never as they appear to be in this confusing world.
Chapters (2)
Interesting. A few overly huge paragraphs, and utterly no sense of stellar scale or velocity (Any planet would be a tiny dot well before you were a light minute away from it), but not a bad start.
It was all good till I got to the part where you said 1.7 light years in an hour. The best speed they couls possibly acheive is just shy of 1.7 lightyears in 1.7 years. Also there is no force acting against their momentum in space so they would maintain that speed indefinatly or untill they hit something. Also if they dint now how to use the systems there is now way they could see a planet a lightyear away. You would not be able to see the earth from the edge of oir soler system wirh rhe naked eye let alone over seveeal light years.
The interactions with the sisters really falls flat. It just feels like "come with us!" "Okay!"
Sorry, I probably should've clarified that the ethereals ships use a special type of energy on the observation deck that allows them to magnify incredibly great distances. kinda forgot that. and yeah, i wrote this in like two hours, and by the end I was getting tired, I'll try to make the sisters interactions better in the future. Thanks for the feedback. I also failed to explain that the engines use outsider energy crystals which essentially rip a hole in the space time continuum, similar to a worm hole, or like warp drive. I'll fit it in at some point. I just wanted to get it out there. Also, would you prefer alternating view points between Foxtrot squad, or keep it from Dorian's perspective? Thanks again :D
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Ok, so what you didn't manage to explain was that the ship emerged in interstellar space and somehow something in the ship highlighted equestria in the adjacent solar system or systems as being worth focusing the ships FTL sensors on. This ultimately led to a realization that while any regular travel method would not work, they could essentially use the same trick McKay used with the Orion, opening a hyperspace window right as a massive explosion (Supervolcano) was providing it the velocity to throw the ship through it.
Frankly it seems like a lot of extra complication with no clear benefit.
sorry i thought that the premise of this story was intresting but the formating of this story hurts my head i have nothing against using indentation instead of spaces but for goodness sake use more of em in that case i will have to give this a pass for now
Deleting negative comments? Real mature...
OMG THIS IS EPICCCCC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!
Yep, this story is dead. Justice is served.