Don't let your memes be dreams
You are far from the most interesting Gryphon in the fine mountaintop backwater of Coalsack, just another of the intelligent, lazy and cynical. Because you live in Coalsack you where pretty much for forced to work in the mine or move out of the town with no money, likely to be killed by bandits on the road.
Kind of my first fic... so take that as you will.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I have 3 things to say.
!
1) I like this story.
2) FUCK YEA A GRIFFON STORY WITH ROMANCE OCxGILDA
3)..............DARK SOULS. (You know what im talkin about)
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How can I not unblinkingly reference a game I put 700 hours of my life into?
2721765 I dont blame you. In fact its one of my fav. games.
Needs some editing, but I really like this idea. Would you mind if I proofread a chapter or two, just to give you an idea on how to fix some problems with grammar and such? I'm far from an expert, but I'm pretty good with fixing the small things like incorrect wording. PM your answer.
Not enough Gilda fics on here <_>
All there really is is crappy, overdone Halo crossovers, a few good fics, weird shit, and a bit of other stuff.
Thank you sir, may I have some more?
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Of course you may just beware my inconsistent updates.
why are their no Gilda Stashes
MOAR PLAWKS
Enjoying this, so far. Like Silver, I'm really liking the premise, but noticed it could use some editing.
Few small things:
Should that be "I'm not the unlucky one"?
Missing word, and end to that first statement.
I won't lie and say the grammar is the best I've ever seen. It's... mediocre at best. However, despite that it's obvious that there's a lot of thought put behind this story. It's like you've got an amazing idea but you can't express it the way you want to. What I'm trying to say is that, it's a great story, but it loses a lot of it's potential because of grammatical errors. That said, it's great for your first fic and if you continue to write you'll only improve. If you want some help, try to find an editor (if you haven't already) to get some pointers. I do love the story so please keep writing.
I still like this, but there's a bunch of mistakes that make it all kind of off-putting. For example, the first sentence is missing like three words, and I think is supposed to be two sentences:
Beyond that, there's a bunch of places where you need a comma to break one, long, uninterrupted statement into two.
CEASELESS DISCHARGE is reaaaally weird, considering its I guess a game reference, but also an important plot thing that is mentioned a dozen times. I almost stopped there, cause I thought maybe it was a joke, and that you'd gone full absurdist with this thing. It's never really explained what it does or what it is, either, or what its for.
So, I dunno. I'm still here, still reading it, because I like the main character a lot, and the world seems cool. Gilda's potentially interesting, too.
Good chapter.
a little sketchy but can be improved
Having him get knocked unconscious by an opening door was... a weird cause to make him bedridden. I kinda feel like, if an injury is going to land the character in the hospital (or sick bay), it should be slightly more dignified or dramatic than getting hit by a door.
That said, I really liked everything else. The fact that he had such flat resignation to the idea that nobody could ever love him, as he is, is sad as hell, and kind of endearing. I love seeing Gilda deal with situations she's not used to, and validating someone like the main character is something she must have no idea how to approach. Looking forward to seeing her try.
Could do with some re-reading, to cut down on repetition and make it read better (for example, during Gilda’s story, you call the dragon "the thing" dozens of times.
Beyond that, the story from Gilda was decent (I still feel like it might've been better left to the reader's imagination), and I'm looking how their relationship is coming along so far.
Decent, I still like Surtr. Best part was him starting to realize that his writing notes makes it hard to keep up the momentum of conversation. That aspect of the story - if him learning how to get to the point where he considers himself 'worthy' - of being loved by someone, is really the core of this story.
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Have I told you I love you.
So much.
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Yee— well that's kind of the thing, I don't know how serious to take this story. I've got some thoughts on how the writing comes off, if you wanna hear them. If this is just for shits and giggles, though, I'm enjoying it so far. It's rough, but it's good, and the whole damaged-goods thing you have going on with the protagonist is pretty cool.
Like, that's by far the best part of the story so far, is how he tries to keep up his dignity and keep up with other people while pretty much feeling worthless.
Thou art I
I am thou
It was was thou who TOOK AWAY OUR DARK POWERS
Aww shieee~~ is Gilda gettin' dolled up? Liking where this is going.
What do the Valkyries do again? You mentioned something about them ideally having experience with the princesses?
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Crap did I mess up something..... this chapter exists just to set up the next one anyway so fuck it.
Valkyries are supposed to be special forces.
Dark Souls crossover? If not, I'd use a different name - it breaks the immersion to see him there.
I'm as stunning as a diamond and twice as hard had me rolling.
Would be cool to hear what equestrian social issues Surtr was talking about. Can't imagine what they'd make movies about.
Grammar is still kind of awkward, but I'm still enjoying this.
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Like the note said fat and lazy
Dat chapter word count.
1337.
I like the idea so far. And naming the one Gryphon Artorias? Genius. Love that game.
If you ever find yourself in need of a proofreader, hit me up!
Dark Souls.
End of Story.
Aww....I'm caught up so soon?
Hoo dang. The princesses aren't gonna like this.
Did the Valkyres survive the blast from CR? It sounded like they'd just taken contol of the pirate so, then been hit by the main canon.
Cool seeing a pony character show up -- I'm guessing this is Octavia's sister?
Great chapter. Love seeing more Gilda, though I didn't quite get whether she's being sour or playfully competitive with Rainbow (pretty sure that'll become clear soon, though). World building was quite good as well -- the magic-infused blacksmithing was a nice way to show where magic and industrialization might meet up. Was pretty cool how only unicorns could see the enchantments, too.
Thought it was cool how you set up the gryphon kingdom as being this kind of military-run empire, while not saying it was a good or bad thing. Feels like they're figuring out thier civilization in the same way we did in the old days (and still are).
.
Hoping for some kind of reaction from the mane 6 on how scarred the main character is.
I like!
Lololol
Gah, sorry, been slammed with work. Just got to reading this new chapter now.
It's a good one! I'm pretty happy to see things move off the Ceaseless for a bit, just to mix up the scenery. I'm feeling like, right when he puts his wing around Gilda, they both suddenly jumped into being in an early-stage couple. I expected there to be a LITTLE resistance from Gilda's part toward an overt romantic gesture like that. Feels like you just wanted to get them in as a couple ASAP.
That said, the date itself was cute and fun, so I can forgive the rush to get there. Gilda picking him up and dropping him off was adorable, and I did love that Gilda has her own unique interests, like the buildings. Might be worth developing a few of Sutyr's likes and dislikes, now that they have the back and forth going.
Good stuff.
Man, Rainbow got destroyed. Any reason she was so cartoonishly antagonistic to Gilda?
Looking forward to more Twi and Surtr.
5625049 Kind of the reason I stopped writing this. I really can't think of a reason, there will be a new chapter when I sort that out.