• Member Since 10th May, 2013
  • offline last seen Jul 14th, 2013

fluffle22puff


T

When you wake up in a strange place in the body of a pony, what should you do? Even worse, these crazy so-called ponies are convinced that you come from a place called Manehattan. You must adapt to this pony world, or, if possible, get back home from it.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 27 )

Yeah... This is a really short, experimental chapter. Give me your comments and I'll try to use them. :scootangel:

Oh, and Vinyl will pop up later. She is not in this chapter.:pinkiesmile:

I see, your first fic. Love and tolerance, give me strength.

No text walls. Awesome.
Characters are faithful to the source. Great.
You went ahead and described the ponies, which a lot of new guys skip.

Now to the parts that need work.
The point of view shifts. Towards the end, we read going from "you" to "he sits up."
Some places need some spaces,
Uh, I'm assuming "you" doesn't know about talking ponies? I mean, "you" is not surprised by talking mythical animals. Other than calling Spike crazy, I mean. "You" talk to the dragon like he was a real guy and expect an answer.
Uh, why do the ponies keep thinking "you" is not single?
And- first line. I love waking up to pure darkness. Open your eyes and you see nothing while ponies have no problems seeing things.

Love and tolerance... Love and tolerance... Love and tolerance...

More of the same as the last chapter, I'm afraid.

I think it's Owlicious or Owlowiscious.
Depth is needed I think.

I'll take that in to consideration. Yeah,this characters views are kinda messed up. He pretty mutch just thinks he's hallucinating and ignores spike. Does this fanfic frustrate u that much?:fluttershysad:

But yeah, try to love and tolerate the mistakes I make guys. I'm still learning, and really want your comments to get better.

2579920 damn, ur right. The second chapter Does need more depth. I'll try to make the third chapter better.

2580136

Frustrate? No. Hopefull? Oh yes.

Dear author, what is the difference between your stories and others where you wake up as a pony?
This is the question I want answered. It has not been answered, which gives me hope. Something new? A twist to an old standby? Maybe it's just for fun? Or something else? And we don't know what kind of pony we are yet, which adds a bit of tension.


Great apple trees come from one small apple...

Great bro keep updating and you will get satisfaction from me and other readers who like it

Good.......... :moustache: very good......
*mustaches* teehee
:moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache:

O wait you spelled.....OWILISHUS :rainbowlaugh: :facehoof: Omg....ok im done. still you might wanna looke up how to spell that

2588278 and i spelled look wrong me fail :twilightblush:

Yes, all, i need to apologize for that.:ajsleepy: I was not sure how to spell his name, and have realized I have gotten many dislikes because of it. :pinkiesad2: I will fix that right away.

There we go. I edited and changed the spelling. If you still dislike the spelling ask Lauren Not me.

2589713 OK. hey lauren what's up? now......HOW DO YOU SPELL OWILICIOUS OR OWILISHUS......TELL ME!!!!:flutterrage: :pinkiehappy:

I'm working on chaptern3. It's almost done. :twilightsheepish:

Ok guys. I am going to have the OC fall in love with one of the mane six. Pls vote for one of the mane six in the comments.

i'll vote when u stop writing chapters so short :ajbemused:

I've seen shorter chapters, but I'll try to make longer chapters. Sorry about that. :twilightblush:

Shit sorry bro. Looking at them, they ARE really short. I'll try to make longer chapters. The next one won't be difficult to make long. :twilightsmile:

OC and Applejack
also this is a great story keep it going

By rolling a D6 I am voting for Pinkie Pie, also, keep it coming, I am interested but don't have enough to know if I like it or not.

What the hell do you think your doing? an ambush?

Yes, it is an ambush. :pinkiehappy:

Very nice job look forward to more chapters

Hey jabrosky, CloudCrusher here. I see you're new and that's radical. If you want, you can check out my stories to ya know, make yours better or whatever. If you need help, just message me and I'll help any way I can. And also, to the dude wih the longer chapters comment, not everyone likes longer chapters. Sometimes, a quaint little chapter is good enough, if you're not one of those people, then whatever, jus tmy 2 bits. Also... Applejack!

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