"So I walk up on high,/And I step to the edge,/To see my world below./And I laugh at myself,/While the tears roll down,/'Cause it's the world I know./Oh it's the world I know." -Collective Soul, ‘The World I Know’
Applebloom turns seventeen years old. Eager to become a grown pony, her strong desire to help out around the farm takes hold. However, she is quick to realize that she might not be as ready to grow up as she thought when she begins to have odd feelings for a small purple dragon. Will she be able to fully blossom into the mare she wants to become?
Chapters (7)
And now Spike comes. Which means it looks like the fun is about to begin.
This is interesting.
OH COME ONE
HOW THE FUCK IS SHE SEVENTEEN AND STILL NOT HAVE A CUTIE MARK
2543132
I don't believe they gave an age that ponies will have a cutie mark by in the show.
Well, that was better than I expected.
Apart from some clunky dialogue at the introduction with some unnecessary and, at times, superfluous repetition of Apple Bloom addressing the family I thought it worked really well. I really like how you've made it clear that this is a potential Spike x Apple Bloom shipfic, but you didn't have the relationship too forthcoming. When Spike received Apple Bloom's thanks he was very modest, and I really liked that. It shows that you're trying to take this relationship slow, which is something most authors don't like to do... for some reason...
I find it intriguing that Apple Bloom still lacks a cutie mark (although I feel that she was surprising comfortable with that fact when she was talking with her friends whom, I presume, already have their cutie marks), and I'm interested to see where you go with that. You've left yourself quite an amount of potential. I hope you realize this and make good use of it!
I'll certainly stick around for future chapters; they're nice and short and easy to read, although I fear it may take you quite a lot of chapters to tell the whole story.
One of the criticisms I feel I should voice is that you often tell the reader things which is already implied in the dialogue. Take this one for example:
In this particular instance, you already have Applejack choosing her words carefully. By telling us that she's trying not to hurt her sister's feelings (something the reader can easily pick up on by reading her dialogue alone) it kind of feels like you're forcing information we already know down the reader's throat.
But enough from me. I'm going to wait for your next installment. Good luck!
This is from your summary.
Should be thought and fully. I'll definitely be reading this later though.
2543783 Yup, the song that inspired it all.
So I see this, and I seize because THIS IS THE FAHKING BEST SHIP EVUH!
2543684 Fixing now. Thanks for point that out.
Might I make a suggestion?
Try and make the chapters a wee bit longer, (Like at least 1000) , because unless you plan on updating quickly, the reader will get bored, hope it helps.
Can't wait for the next chapter!
-Kiryu
“Don’t mention it. So tell us, how does it feel to be seventeen?” Spike asked, eager for the answer.
Pretty sure the show and interviews with the writers implies that spike is older then the CMC
Wouldn't he already know?
2544726 I have him asking that to be strike up conversation and ask the birthday mare how it feels. As for Spike's age, I'd say he's around the same age as them, probably older.
That chapter title. :)
2546208
...is awesome
2546339 I know right. Just yesterday I saw Disney's Hercules on tv.
A certain song came to mind.
Come on Apple Bloom just admit it. Just admitting it means you've gone the distance.
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2546454
These comments....just made my morning.
2547035 Glad to have made your morning.
Dang, all the good Hercules puns are going fast. Quick, think of something! Uh... Well it looks like things are... heating up! //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Applebloom_lolface.png
... I'm so sorry
I'm very happy to see the quick uploads! It warms my heart with such a cute fic like this.
Like.
This story seems promising enough, since it isn't as rushed as others (be careful with early hints on chapter three, though, unless you intend to make this short). Besides, I love reading Spike shipfics, specially with the CMC.
2547444 Fixed the mistake. Thanks for pointing it out.
Also, just letting you know, I have a tendency to make short stories. I'm not one to make overly big and complex arcs.
2547509
I've been wondering. How do the Ood use computers?
2547602 Anicent Ood secret.
@Closer-To-The-Sun...
[Danny DeVito voice]: I just have two things to say about this fan-fiction...!
1. Not a bad start for 3 chapters, I would advise taking your time & pacing with a young-Romance story such as this. Remember: a romantic movie goes fast, a romantic story goes slow.
2. One minor correction... It is Apple Bloom (two words), not Applebloom (one word) for your protagonist's name, unlike her big-sister Applejack (one word). It boggles me to why so many get it wrong, Apple Bloom's name is listed as such in the show credits, the various wiki's, and even in during the Closed Captions / subtitles.
3. Overall, & thus far, you have a good initial start. I will keep a loose eye out on this fan-fiction.
2547703 I understand that things in stories go more slowly than what we see in films or TV, but with fan-fics, I do like to speed it up slightly since the characters already have some interaction with each other (granted not much in some cases, but still).
And for the correction, so it is. You think as a huge Applebloom lover and having only her trading card, I would know that. Go figure. Well, it till obvious who the pony is, so I'm not too worried about that right now. But in time I might correct all of my works for it (I do like writing for the little filly).
Thanks for your input.
I'm sorry but, I'm just going to kiss you know, if that's ok with you.
...That sounds more like Fluttershy then Spike.
Surprise kisses they always lead to a storm it can be a good storm or a shitstorm, my guess this time is the second type
Well that answers the question that somedragon wants to be more then friends. Nice job Spike.
And if Applebloom doesn't know what that feeling was, she sure does now.
Also I hope you will have Spike hit a grown spurt too.
Poor applebloom, she was confused enough
Spike is the dragon, men!
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Keppin' it simple, that'd be great.
This strory is very good. But I just wish that the chapters were longer.
Admit AB you liked the kiss.
What 2543132 said.
Shouldn't AB have some level of depression from not getting it by this time?
Also, shouldn't there be some more weight on today being her birthday?
Are the CMC going to still be hilariously incompetent?
Man, AJ is spouting some famous quotes there!
If Applebloom's trying to be more mature, she really needs to learn that some males and females can't just befriend forever, especially when there 'best friends'.
Hell, even Sweetiebelle and Scootaloo seen this coming!
that's some well thought out advice i like it
The emotions and feels.
This story is so ad'awwworable
Time for Applebloom to mare up!
Life may not be so simple anymore for her, but that doesn't mean it can't be better.
So beautiful...
Fuckin cliffhangers!
-Kiryu
End? This is the end? I think it ends kinda abruptly. I'm not really satisfied with it, unless you plan on a sequel. Other than that, great job!
Its too short, more please or at least a sequel. This is really great and all but its too short. Please we want more
Really?
Hell, that was fast! but seriously, I, too, would love a sequel...
Very good story by the way...
Sequel, please. That was adorable, short, but still adorable.
I shall now do the dance of the sequel
-Kiryu