Whenever somepony would ask, Derpy always said that Dinky was hers. Some would always question that, saying that she herself was too young to have a filly Dinky's age. But still, Derpy always said that Dinky was her's and no other ponies. But while the statement always was the truth. It hid a dark and terrible secret.
One that almost cost a baby filly her life, if not for a wall-eyed young mare.
Found this comic and it caused so much feels that a story popped up in my head that I had to write.
Comic by: Beavernator
Chapters (15)
We very much like this idea and where it might go. We enjoy your character definition of Derpy and look forward to thy update.
Well done.
Proper past tense of 'feed' is 'fed' not 'feeded'.
Unlike a certain anonymous unicorn treated of her foal, this story is not dumpster bound.
Good concept.
Yeah, well...
Yeah.
Yeah, this story hurts because I know that so many babies in the real world don't get a Derpy. Maybe they're unlucky or something... but they die, alone and cold and never understanding why this is happening to them. I don't know. The thought makes me feel violently ill; it goes against every instinct to let a baby die like that.
At least Dinky has found someone who will care for her. Maybe, if we can take this story to remind us that every life is precious, gradually we'll stop seeing people as 'inconveniences' to be disposed of if they get in the way of our enjoyment of life.
I can't decide whether I want them to find that bitch and punish her or if she deserves never to know that her child was found and brought up to be happy.
Longer chapters pl0x, but what you've got here is good stuff.
>hospital too far away for Derpy to get there
>Derpy's dad decides to take Dinky to the hospital
Im really excited to see where this story is going to go
Outside the beginning of the first chapter, I haven't seen anything that would require an M rating. Is that going come soon or am I just heavily desensitized?
spelling mistake at the end
very good story i like the mini comic its based on many feels were had
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Fixed, thanks.
Interesting.
So... Derpy's about 17 in human years, and her dad's a police officer. He's "been in situations like this before." Maybe, but I predict that he'll be singing The Failure Song in a chapter or two.
Poor Derpy; she really wasn't sure what she should do on some levels was she? Naturally, she looked for advice. Still, she was managing quite well. I wonder if they'll ever find Dinky's real mother? I'm sure there are spells for maternity testing and tracing but they may only be short-range.
So, Derpy's dad is a cop? That might explain her need to find a job with a uniform!
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Not really, there is a difference to go there alone with a foal balanced on your back and to go there with your dad to help you!
The talent that has been displayed in these first few chapters is refreshing. I will enjoy watching this story develop and look forward to the updates. Keep up the fantastic work.
Poor little tyke has already had too many traumas at just a few days old. I understand why the medics will want to keep her at hospital but I wonder if the psychological harm that might do Dinky might outweigh the physiological and medical good. Wrap up her sprained hoof and let her stay with Derpy; keep monitoring her and the care she receives but with a cop as a dad, I think there is a good chance the little one will be safe enough.
Oh god I made the mistake of reading this in class without being mentally prepared. I'm getting weird looks now. A++ story keep it up.
It's like dueling Dinkies this week... You're starting her life, and Br0nyb0y123 is ending it. I MUCH prefer THIS story, meself...
Pretty sure you can use question marks when ending a quote.
Might I respectfully suggest a proofreader? Because you've got a good story here and it's drawing me in, it just needs ironing out.
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A proofreader would be nice. A little incite here and there could go a long way. But to be honest, I have no idea how to find one.
We hate bullies! We sincerely hope she shall get her comeuppance. Once again an excellent scroll and We look forward to thy next update.
what are you talking about i thought it was a great chapter, course i can't judge that well i only averaged like a C in writing
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definitely eases some tension I had built.
Thanks for the props.
I have one recommendation. You seem to be having Dinky having flashbacks of her experiences with her "mother" (at least, I think that's what's going on). If that's the case, you might want to use the italics function to indicate the flashback so it's easier to recognize from the rest of the narrative. The first time it happened, I thought Dinky had gotten herself kidnapped and had to reread the part a couple of times to figure out what was going one (at least, what I think is going on).
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Yes, they are flash backs, and I'm sorry if it confused you. It never even crossed my mind to me to use italic to help understand. Thanks for the tip.
An interesting part with a focus on Dinky's first few days of life. I wonder if she'll slowly forget as she has more and more experiences with Derpy. After all, she has so few memories of her bio-mother that the vastly greater number of memories will probably overwrite them in time.
You still need a proofreader.
I've been practicing my unruly mob protocols
CAN'T WAIT FOR MORE! This story is really starting to pick up and I'm loving every minute of it.
By Faust...
"what kind of pony could do that.... I want a name
"
Not as emotional, kidding much
"
....
"
Its OK Zack, think 'manly tears'
But glittering gem is a pegasus.... DHURP.
Never doubt your self.
"y.yea dude your g.good, aww Celestia, here come the tears
"
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I'm afraid your mob will never have the chance.
"there are few I let Darkosis loose on foal abusers are some of them.
"
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This is a different Glittering Gem.
We remember mobs from before We were shut away. Grab thy pitchforks ponies!
Yeah, that fits, doesn't it? Although you'd think that a wealthy pony like that could have a child adopted at birth without any unpleasant questions. Maybe Glittering Gem was frightened enough by falling pregnant that she panicked and wasn't thinking straight? Either way, there are no excuses for what she did. Sometimes what's in somepony's heart is exposed by what they do when they think that there are no possible consequences.
Next chapter-
Shit goes down.
Oh Shit!!!!! Derpy kicked ass.
Well I know where this is going. Glittering Gem played Derpy to get a (hopefully) violent reaction out of her, that way she could play it up to the authorities that she is merely an innocent victim and that she is much more capable of taking care of Dinky than Derpy is.
We wish thou happy holidays!
We would have Glittering Gem thrown into the place dungeons!
Go Derpy!
Some beautiful faces have dark, dark souls. It's what lets them rise to the top, of course but, no matter how much make-up they wear, they can't disguise the ugliness of their spirit.
I wonder if Derpy has just killed GG or whether she's just going to have to deal with having an imperfection all of her own?
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Ah but glittering placed some kind of sound proofing on the door, so it's derpys word against glittering and as such derpy who has taken care of dinky, has medical evidence of abuse and DNA evidence parentage of dinky coupled with glittering's hiding of her pregnancy. This all surmounts to derpy getting off Scott free.
I'm loving this story and of course, Derpy has grown attached to Dinky. But still, great story and your making me like my one of my least favorite BG ponies with this story as I like the way, Derpy is being presented in this story as she is caring and serious and not a screw up, like so many other Derpy stories, I've seen.
Traumatic amnesia? It has happened before and in a lot less strenuous circumstances.
Oh no! Thy scroll takes a turn for the worst! Poor ponies. We hope thou sorts them out for the best!
Yeah, that's the thing about tiredness. Tired people are more creative. A good way to get in touch with your creative self is to pull an all-nighter, fight the urge to go to bed afterwards, and start writing.
Remember:tired as an overworked
=creative as 
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I actually pull a lot of all nighters. but instead of doing something creative, I just sit and watch tv all night. . .
Aw, no. Memory spell?
Does this have anything to do with Glittering Gem being a unicorn and not having that ring on her anymore?
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no spell.
She's just suffering from a form of amnesia.
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Oh.
BTW, why did they remove that ring?! Unicorns can learn teleportation spells, and even if they didn't, they can learn spells strong enough to break through walls and allow them to make a run for it. Or, a walk-thru-walls spell (yes, I'm thinking GameShark) Or, she could have used her magic to kill Ditzy in spite or something.