• Published 10th Feb 2012
  • 8,681 Views, 119 Comments

WATCHPONIES - Lamms



Harmony declines as war rises with all its glory and all its horror

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The end of the beginning

Revolution brewed in the streets of Equestria ponies killing each other for what harmony know that’s a conundrum Sprinkles and her fellow watchponies rode to wardens keep were we would find nightmare moon. The moon was a blinding blood red. It snowed fiercely and the world itself became frostbitten. Welcome home watchponies this is your tomb this is your crypt.

I rode to wardens keep and when I landed I instantly recognized the intense cold of the landscape it was breathtaking and so did my fellow sisters. War was being fought in equestria a war between ponies up that ridge would become a war between so called heroes when in truth there are no villains everyone is the hero of their own story. Deadwood could not make it she ran into a bit of a predicament or so I thought. We galloped up the ridge into the wardens keep castle a wondrous site it was. But it was not far longer until we saw nightmare moon. As stunning as she was, she was evil she clopped towards us and so this is where it ends watchponies not quite I said simply the end of another beginning. You will not stop me said nightmare moon you are too late. She is stalling said Relic. Nightmare moon glared at her as then Appleseed bucked her in the jaw knocking her off her hoofs no that’s getting her done she exclaimed not noticing nightmare moons body had disappeared. We decided to waste no time I ran to the control panel when suddenly out of the shadows she appeared and knocked me into a wall everything went blur. Gemstone jumped for the controls to the warheads as Appleseed engaged nightmare moon. Nightmare moon slashed her fiercely and she fell to the floor bleeding out. Gemstone was not paying attention and still at the controls when nightmare moon bashed her head against a nearby screen she was out cold. I mustered the strength to get up and engage nightmare moon. No matter how much I tried to defend myself I was hit multiple times slowly bleeding from my face I took ten blows and then I realized this is where it all ends she grabbed me by the neck and crushed it slowly my life began to fade, when I heard a loud noise and series of low Concussions nightmare moon had fell to the floor dead. I fell to the floor gasping for air and the first thing that came into my vision was Deadwood crying she had killed the first time in her entire life to preserve harmony. Without a minute to breath once more I dashed to the control panel and disabled the warheads Equestria had been saved but at what cost. We tended to Apple seed and Gemstone were Relic though no to waste I had to go down to the ponies of equestria the ponies must know the ponies must be told. I trotted outside to see Relic gazing into god knows what OUT OF MY WAY! I exclaimed. Ponies have to be told. You know I can’t let you do that Relic said softly. Fluttershy was watching from the wardens keep entrance. SUDDENLY YOU DISCOVER PONIES YOU DISCOVER LIFE! I said convenient. If you cared from the start if anypony had cared from the start none of this would have happened. I can change almost anything said Relic but I can’t change pony nature. Of course what’s one more body among foundations I said well what are you waiting for…do it…….DO IT! I yelled Relic simply waved her hoof and Sprinkles had been banished to a dark oblivion. Fluttershy could be seen and heard collapsing to the ground crying aimlessly. Harmony had been restored but at what cost. Twilight soon became the new princess and times of harmony were restored again but occasionally she reads Sprinkles journal never able to let go of the past and so this is the end of the beginning.

Comments ( 118 )

All I can say is


yes.

indeed:derpytongue2:

OH GOD! THE GRAMMAR! IT HURTS! IT HURTS!
Seriously though, your grammar sucks. I got through the first two chapters, at which point I threw up my hands. Not that that is much of an accomplishment considering they're about a paragraph each. I can't believe you couldn't be bothered to use QUOTATION MARKS, of all things! This needs a lot of work before it can be taken even slightly seriously. Also, there does not appear to be a comedy tag, which implies that you think we should take this seriously. If the opening chapters are any indication, this is a grievous mistake. No one could take Pinkie's opening monologue seriously, not even the real Pinkie Pie! This just... needs a lot of work. I'm sorry, but you get no stars. I hate to say this, but it seems like you are forgetting what made Watchmen such a great graphic novel.

Maybe, if you fix this, I will rescind this comment, but until then, your first comment will be a scathingly negative review.

well okay then

204523 *sigh* You haven't actually started reading it, have you? (Please say no.)

You could reboot this and make it into something much better. No offense.
Fun fact: I just now read the new update of Rorschach in Equestria and then watched Watchmen. What are the odds?

204562 I'm sorry if I seem rude, but I really think this was poorly done and could have been much better. Once again, I'm sorry.

204564 I read the entire story before commenting.


Because of this story I'm done with Rorschach in Equestria. I've been outmatched, I am defeated.

cool yea i know it could use some grammar work and what not but you know what its pretty decent


*puts on glasses* deal with it

204573 :rainbowhuh: You're kidding.
...
OH GOD! HOW COULD YOU!?! :raritycry:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
DAMN YOU EPN! DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL!
(please be kidding)

lol its not amazing just my first post and yea no offense at all i guess i can only learn and get better


my next idea RAIDERS OF THE LOST MARK

okay well whatever cant please everyone

204577 I've dealt with Garbage Pail Kids existing all these years, so I think I can deal with the existence of a pony fanfic with poor grammar. (I would once again like to apologize for my rudeness. Watching hours of the Nostalgia Critic before commenting on FanFiction is probably not a good idea in hindsight.)

i agree with you said though and will take into consideration especially the comedy thing which i fixed

204584 I don't know what to say, I just can't anymore. I think I'll just kill myself now so that this will be the last thing to grace my eyes so that I don't need to worry about seeing anything greater than this.

[sarc e sarc e sarc]

because you support me here all i have is a single fuck

204618 May I please have your semen so I can freeze it and make little you's when human cloning is perfected?

Meanwhile, at the Hall Of Giving A Fuck

theuniblog.evilspacerobot.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/naughty_memes_i_bet_its_spider_man_comics_meme_base_6-s500x368-147493-580.jpg

204649 A coven of nuns asked me the same thing once.

Fool me once shame on me....

204618 We will hold your funeral in the rain, in an homage to Watchmen. You lived a long and fruitful life and left a mark on this world no one thought possible: a satisfying Watchmen/My Little Pony crossover
*Salutes*
Your name will be remembered forever. Or at least your username will.

204611 ENP, seriously. This needs more than a 'fix'. This needs to be taken down and then written all over again. I'm not trying to troll/create drama/whatever. I'm trying to help you out.
Everything in there is a whole confusion. I only know who's talking what because I both read and watched the Watchmen.

If you were to really put yourself into this - and I mean, really, really, really put yourself into this - it could at least be presentable.

"Each character deserves its own paragraph for dialogs." Typed Lucefudu, making his keyboard keys clat. "Also, try to insert more details and whatnot. Anyone who doesn't know Watchmen will be 150% lost reading this." He added with more clatting noises on his keyboard.

Seeing her opportunity to break the 4th wall once more, Pinkie Pie took the initiative and began to type with her hooves. "That's right. You can't make a story that rushed." She added - how a pony was able to type in such tiny keys with large hooves was beyond reason. "Take your time and make the chapters longer."

Taking the laptop away from Pinkie, Lucefudu began to type again. "She is right, you know? 500 words per chapter isn't a good number. Try to tone that up to a few k per chapter." Lucefudu stopped typing and scratched his chin, thinking about something else to add. "Oh, yes, you should also read other stories and pay attention to other writer's styles. You can learn a lot from them. A good thing would be reading 204573 's Rorschach In Equestria, since it deals with a familiar theme and learn from his writing."

lol quite possibly the best post yet well done spiderman

well said

204656 Thank you for reiterating my point. Pay attention, EPN, he knows what he is talking about.

ENP and yea i will

I just realized something I am hitting myself for not noticing earlier.
You forgot the CROSSOVER tag.
*clap*
*clap*
*clap*
(And yes, even adaptions like this need one, I don't care if Knightly himself tells you otherwise, because he would be WRONG!)

well i have no idea what that is

204686 Typo, sorry. Well you know what they say about Muphry's law. I'm surprised I made it that far.
In case you don't, here's a link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muphry%27s_law

yea i know i am quite familiar with it

204654
Should we throw him out of a high-rise first?

204704 Which part? The reference to Knightly or the clapping?

lol cheers

204714 Sorry about misspelling your name. I'm a fast typer. :twilightblush:
Anyway, glad to see that you're taking these comments seriously. I hope you do improve and give this premise another go! :pinkiehappy:
What 204702 said is that a Crossover is two stories - derp - Crossing over. In this instance, you're crossing Watchmen with My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

If you do the Raiders of the Lost Mark thingy; it'll be a crossover between Indiana Jones and - wait for it! - My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

that would be it

204738 Sorry about that. Considering he's going to commit suicide, we can't really decide how he dies, and throwing him out after death just seems redundant.
Aw, what the hell, let's do it!

YEA WHY NOT:derpytongue2:

204745 ...you didn't screw up his name. In fact, your grammar was flawless. You are truly immune to Muphry's Law.

this sure did receive a lot of comments

204759 Also, please use the Reply button in order to reply to us. You'll notice a few strange numbers and 2 arrows pointing right in the comment box. Don't erase those. They'll be translated into the username once the reply is posted.

If you don't press the Reply button, we don't know who you're addressing.

204779 Well, I'm off. Do pay the hints a heed. You'll need them.
My advice? Hold on to writing stories for a while. Read some and try to make out other writer's styles. Learn from them.
I'm sure you'll do good if you keep practicing! :twilightsmile:

204796 thank you

the grammar of this novel is the style the tone of the graphic novel its just strange to read because we are not used to it and because well i wright weird but oh well i think it turned out decent

204756
I just read the whole thing and all I can say is my death won't be a suicide. It'll be a 23 year old dying of a stroke.

Seriously, my head hurts.

204756 I should feel worried about this.

Strangely I do not.

204825 I know how you feel and it will pass. After you've died, of course.

204847 You wit is as sharp as the knife we are going to gut you wi- I mean, assist in your suicide with.
After we finish forcing you to give "Rorschach in Equestria" a satisfying conclusion, of course.

204825
So cold...
Everything is going dark...
Still typing somehow...

There's a light ahead...
It's... It's Princess Celestia...

No, wait. That's just my computer monitor... :trollestia:
Nevermind.

204916 Disappointed? I was too. *sigh* Well, at least now we can read more FanFiction.

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