Our hero's are being systematically taken down as the world slowly crumbles. Equestria is on the verge of chaos and despair. Celestia grows weak and vulnerable, who will watch over the ones that of which watch over harmony. loose ends will be cut innocents will perish in the name of what peace? As if the world of Equestria was still worth saving. Pony god have mercy.
READ THE NICKNAMES TO GET A BETTER UNDERSTANDING
Pinkie pie- sprinkles (the roashack er however you say his name)
Twilight sparkle- Relic
Rainbow dash- the joker (the comedian so to say just wanted to give different nick names )
Applejack- appleseed
Rarity- Gemstone
Fluttershy- Deadwood
NOTE: this is equally similar as it is vastly different from watchmen.
Chapters (6)
All I can say is
yes.
indeed
OH GOD! THE GRAMMAR! IT HURTS! IT HURTS!
Seriously though, your grammar sucks. I got through the first two chapters, at which point I threw up my hands. Not that that is much of an accomplishment considering they're about a paragraph each. I can't believe you couldn't be bothered to use QUOTATION MARKS, of all things! This needs a lot of work before it can be taken even slightly seriously. Also, there does not appear to be a comedy tag, which implies that you think we should take this seriously. If the opening chapters are any indication, this is a grievous mistake. No one could take Pinkie's opening monologue seriously, not even the real Pinkie Pie! This just... needs a lot of work. I'm sorry, but you get no stars. I hate to say this, but it seems like you are forgetting what made Watchmen such a great graphic novel.
Maybe, if you fix this, I will rescind this comment, but until then, your first comment will be a scathingly negative review.
well okay then
204523 *sigh* You haven't actually started reading it, have you? (Please say no.)
You could reboot this and make it into something much better. No offense.
Fun fact: I just now read the new update of Rorschach in Equestria and then watched Watchmen. What are the odds?
204562 I'm sorry if I seem rude, but I really think this was poorly done and could have been much better. Once again, I'm sorry.
204564 I read the entire story before commenting.
Because of this story I'm done with Rorschach in Equestria. I've been outmatched, I am defeated.
cool yea i know it could use some grammar work and what not but you know what its pretty decent
*puts on glasses* deal with it
204573
You're kidding.
...
OH GOD! HOW COULD YOU!?!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
DAMN YOU EPN! DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL!
(please be kidding)
lol its not amazing just my first post and yea no offense at all i guess i can only learn and get better
my next idea RAIDERS OF THE LOST MARK
okay well whatever cant please everyone
204577 I've dealt with Garbage Pail Kids existing all these years, so I think I can deal with the existence of a pony fanfic with poor grammar. (I would once again like to apologize for my rudeness. Watching hours of the Nostalgia Critic before commenting on FanFiction is probably not a good idea in hindsight.)
i agree with you said though and will take into consideration especially the comedy thing which i fixed
204584 I don't know what to say, I just can't anymore. I think I'll just kill myself now so that this will be the last thing to grace my eyes so that I don't need to worry about seeing anything greater than this.
[sarc e sarc e sarc]
because you support me here all i have is a single fuck
204618 May I please have your semen so I can freeze it and make little you's when human cloning is perfected?
Meanwhile, at the Hall Of Giving A Fuck
theuniblog.evilspacerobot.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/naughty_memes_i_bet_its_spider_man_comics_meme_base_6-s500x368-147493-580.jpg
204649 A coven of nuns asked me the same thing once.
Fool me once shame on me....
204618 We will hold your funeral in the rain, in an homage to Watchmen. You lived a long and fruitful life and left a mark on this world no one thought possible: a satisfying Watchmen/My Little Pony crossover
*Salutes*
Your name will be remembered forever. Or at least your username will.
204611 ENP, seriously. This needs more than a 'fix'. This needs to be taken down and then written all over again. I'm not trying to troll/create drama/whatever. I'm trying to help you out.
Everything in there is a whole confusion. I only know who's talking what because I both read and watched the Watchmen.
If you were to really put yourself into this - and I mean, really, really, really put yourself into this - it could at least be presentable.
"Each character deserves its own paragraph for dialogs." Typed Lucefudu, making his keyboard keys clat. "Also, try to insert more details and whatnot. Anyone who doesn't know Watchmen will be 150% lost reading this." He added with more clatting noises on his keyboard.
Seeing her opportunity to break the 4th wall once more, Pinkie Pie took the initiative and began to type with her hooves. "That's right. You can't make a story that rushed." She added - how a pony was able to type in such tiny keys with large hooves was beyond reason. "Take your time and make the chapters longer."
Taking the laptop away from Pinkie, Lucefudu began to type again. "She is right, you know? 500 words per chapter isn't a good number. Try to tone that up to a few k per chapter." Lucefudu stopped typing and scratched his chin, thinking about something else to add. "Oh, yes, you should also read other stories and pay attention to other writer's styles. You can learn a lot from them. A good thing would be reading 204573 's Rorschach In Equestria, since it deals with a familiar theme and learn from his writing."
lol quite possibly the best post yet well done spiderman
well said
204656 Thank you for reiterating my point. Pay attention, EPN, he knows what he is talking about.
ENP and yea i will
I just realized something I am hitting myself for not noticing earlier.
You forgot the CROSSOVER tag.
*clap*
*clap*
*clap*
(And yes, even adaptions like this need one, I don't care if Knightly himself tells you otherwise, because he would be WRONG!)
well i have no idea what that is
204686 Typo, sorry. Well you know what they say about Muphry's law. I'm surprised I made it that far.
In case you don't, here's a link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muphry%27s_law
yea i know i am quite familiar with it
204654
Should we throw him out of a high-rise first?
204704 Which part? The reference to Knightly or the clapping?
lol cheers
204714 Sorry about misspelling your name. I'm a fast typer.
Anyway, glad to see that you're taking these comments seriously. I hope you do improve and give this premise another go!
What 204702 said is that a Crossover is two stories - derp - Crossing over. In this instance, you're crossing Watchmen with My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
If you do the Raiders of the Lost Mark thingy; it'll be a crossover between Indiana Jones and - wait for it! - My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
that would be it
204738 Sorry about that. Considering he's going to commit suicide, we can't really decide how he dies, and throwing him out after death just seems redundant.
Aw, what the hell, let's do it!
YEA WHY NOT
204745 ...you didn't screw up his name. In fact, your grammar was flawless. You are truly immune to Muphry's Law.
this sure did receive a lot of comments
204759 Also, please use the Reply button in order to reply to us. You'll notice a few strange numbers and 2 arrows pointing right in the comment box. Don't erase those. They'll be translated into the username once the reply is posted.
If you don't press the Reply button, we don't know who you're addressing.
204775 oh okay
204779 Well, I'm off. Do pay the hints a heed. You'll need them.
My advice? Hold on to writing stories for a while. Read some and try to make out other writer's styles. Learn from them.
I'm sure you'll do good if you keep practicing!
204796 thank you
the grammar of this novel is the style the tone of the graphic novel its just strange to read because we are not used to it and because well i wright weird but oh well i think it turned out decent
204756
I just read the whole thing and all I can say is my death won't be a suicide. It'll be a 23 year old dying of a stroke.
Seriously, my head hurts.
204825 NICE
204756 I should feel worried about this.
Strangely I do not.
204825 I know how you feel and it will pass. After you've died, of course.
204847 You wit is as sharp as the knife we are going to gut you wi- I mean, assist in your suicide with.
After we finish forcing you to give "Rorschach in Equestria" a satisfying conclusion, of course.
204825
So cold...
Everything is going dark...
Still typing somehow...
There's a light ahead...
It's... It's Princess Celestia...
No, wait. That's just my computer monitor...
Nevermind.
204916 lol okay
204916 Disappointed? I was too. *sigh* Well, at least now we can read more FanFiction.